August 30, 2006
Lovers in a Dangerous Time
By Bruce Cockburn
Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by
You never get to stop and open your eyes
One day you're waiting for the sky to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
/ A Bm G - / :
These fragile bodies of touch and taste
This vibrant skin this hair like lace
Spirits open to the thrust of grace
Never a breath you can afford to waste
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight
August 29, 2006
IT'S THE NEWEST WOMEN'S DIVERSION FROM THE VAGARIES OF EVERYDAY MARRIED (OR LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP) LIFE, OR PERHAPS THE ANSWER FOR ALL THOSE SINGLE LADIES.
It's the answer to North American malehood's fascination with football, the European man's sad addiction to soccer, the Indian, Sri Lankan and British freakish focus on cricket, the Aussie male's insane attention to rugby.
My God, what's the world coming too...and are we sad excuses for male everymen on our way out?
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Football Season 2006 Schedule
September 10 - October 22
September 10, 2006 Insert Foot
September 17, 2006 Foreplay
September 24, 2006 Pretty Women
October 1, 2006 Show me the money
October 8, 2006 Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
October 15, 2006 Tired for the wrong reason
October 22, 2006 Rejection
November 5 - December 17
November 5, 2006 Welcome Alumni
November12, 2006 Captain Who, When, Where
November 19, 2006 200 Plus Channels
November 26, 2006 All dressed up and no one to go with
December 3, 2006 Three strikes and you're out
December 10, 2006 Don't play that card
December 17, 2006 Family Affairs
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President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad voiced defiance on Tuesday as a deadline neared for Iran to halt work the West fears is a step toward building nuclear bombs, and challenged US President George W. Bush to a televised debate.
In a news conference, Ahmadinejad condemned the US and British role in the world since World War Two but made no direct mention of the international nuclear confrontation.
“I suggest holding a live TV debate with Mr. George W. Bush to talk about world affairs and the ways to solve those issues,” he said.
A few days ago Ahmadinejad inaugurated a plant for the production of heavy water located in Arak, some 190 kilometers southwest of Tehran. The president made it clear that Iran would not ‘give up its right to develop its nuclear program,’ adding that the program does not pose a threat, not even against Israel.
“We do not threaten anyone, event the Zionist regime, which is the enemy,” he said.
The UN Security Council has given Iran until Thursday to suspend uranium enrichment—a process which can produce fuel for reactors or explosive material for warheads—and has threatened sanctions unless it does so.
Washington has called for a swift response if Iran does not meet the deadline. But analysts say divisions at the United Nations about how to handle Iran’s file could delay such a move.
Iran has shown no sign it will halt enrichment. The world’s fourth largest oil exporter has shrugged off the threat of sanctions and said such a move would simply push oil prices up to intolerable levels for industrialized economies.
Iran has said it is ready for immediate talks on its atomic plans but has refused to suspend enrichment before negotiations start, which was proposed in a package of incentives offered by the United States, China, Russia, France, Britain and Germany.
Russia and China, big trade partners of Iran who have veto powers in the UN Security Council, may oppose any move towards sanctions.
Washington, which already imposes unilateral sanctions on Iran, has suggested it could consider action outside the Security Council with other like-minded countries.
August 28, 2006
LIKELY OVERFLOWING WITH WINE OR BEER
IT MUST BE WORTH MORE THAN ONE CHEER
SO THIS COMES DIRECTLY FROM SHAKESPEARE
WE ALL DO KNOW YOU CAN'T KEEP IT AT BAY
IT HAS ARRIVED, IT'S HERE TO STAY
EMBRACE IT, WOMAN, THIS 40 TODAY."
Some time ago, Lady Wordsmith requested a bunch of us mark her 40th birthday on Aug. 28. While this day can often be troubling to some, she has said she looked forward to it, at least in some respects.
Here, then, along the lines of the old Paul Simon song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," are 40 ways why women should celebrate turning 40 (of course I found it by Googling "Turning 40)."
From the August 1997 edition of Ebony (it says this for black women, but seems to me it could be for all women). HAPPY BIRTHDAY LW!
THE TOP 40
1.) Peace of mind (and a piece of property).
2.) A will.
4.) A savings account in your own name (and an IRA in the name of your future security).
5.) A mammogram.
6.) A manicure (not to mention a pedicure, a facial and a massage--all on the same day).
7.) A set of matching luggage.
8.) A ticket to some exotic place to unpack it.
9.) A great hairdresser, gynecologist and stockbroker.
10.) A passionate, fiery, unforgettable love affair.
11.) A little black dress that makes you look five pounds thinner.
12.) A sense of humor, style and purpose.
13.) A selfish streak.
14.) A spiritual foundation that gets you through a very bad night without going crazy.
15.) A facial foundation that gets you through a very long day without going ashy.
16.) A good bra.
17.) A good spa.
18.) A library card (used often).
19.) A credit card (used sparingly).
20.) At least one person in your life who says: "You call, I come."
21.) Good body language (multilingual!).
22.) A broken heart and the knowledge you can survive it.
23.) A cause celebre (domestic violence, infant mortality, save the whales--your choice).
24.) A personal relationship with God.
25.) A personal trainer.
26.) Selective amnesia ("What Saturday morning meeting?").
28.) A good skin-care regimen.
29.) The ability to converse on any subject without benefit of concrete knowledge or access to facts.
30.) A shocking secret.
31.) A pair of silk pajamas.
32.) A lifetime membership in at least one organization dedicated to uplifting Black folks (e.g., National Council of Negro Women, the NAACP).
33.) The phone number of someone who is good with their hands.
34.) At least one drop-dead, don't-speak-to-me-because-you-know-you-don't-know-me gorgeous photo of yourself.
35.) A friendship that has stood the test of time.
36.) One last chance to tell the guy you were crazy about in your 20s who treated you like cigarette ashes on the floor what you were too dumb to know when he walked out with your heart in his hands: "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
37.) A soul mate.
38.) Faith, hope and a good fantasy.
39.) A dream.
40.) A plan to make it come true.
August 27, 2006
SOMETIMES, THERE IS JUST NO SENSE TO WHAT HAPPENS, APPARENTLY ARBITRARILY, IN OUR EXISTENCE.
And this appears to be one of them.
Forty-nine people died on Sunday after a flight out of Kentucky crashed, presumably because the pilot -- the lone survivor as I write this -- took off from the wrong runway, a runway that was too short.
The pictures above show the runway and the site of the crash, where police cars are lined up along a road parallel to that runway of death.
This type of thing seems to happen quite often and at random, just a happenstance and the planets not aligning, an inevitable potential consequence of air travel.
But it has a particular meaning to me only because two of the people who died on that plane had a small, but significant, tie to the city I live in, as described below.
I interviewed this guy once while covering a Northern Baseball League game between the Winnipeg Goldeyes and the Fargo, North Dakota, Redhawks. Fargo is about two hours from Winnipeg.
He just got married on Saturday. A day later, he and his new bride are dead. How can that not make you think how quickly beautiful things can come to be...and then how in a heartbeat they can be taken away?
FORMER REDHAWK ABOARD DELTA AIRLINE FLIGHT 5191
Jon Hooker and wife lose life in plane crash
FARGO, N.D. – The Fargo-Moorhead family received word Sunday morning that former RedHawks relief pitcher Jon Hooker and his wife were aboard the Delta Airlines Flight 5191 when the plane crashed shortly after taking off from Blue Grass Airport in Lexington, Kentucky.
The two, who were married on Saturday, were part of 49 people on board the 50-passenger flight that lost their lives.
Hooker pitched for Fargo-Moorhead from 2002 to 2004 and was a member of the 2003 Northern League Championship team. Over 2½ seasons with the ballclub Hooker compiled a 5-5 record with a 4.28 ERA and four saves in 63 appearances out of the bullpen.
I'm not one to pray. But thinking about someone and feeling for them is praying. And I'm doing some of that today.
August 26, 2006
IT DEPICTS TODAY'S TRANSPORTATION REALITY.
THERE'S BEEN NO WORD ON JUST HOW LONG THIS IS LIKELY TO CONTINUE, ALTHOUGH SUCH MEASURES HAVE BEEN DESCRIBED AS THE LARGEST, MOST ABSURD OVER-REACTION IN GLOBAL HISTORY.
THIS IS, AFTER ALL, THE "WAR ON TERROR."
The Queen of England, George Dubya Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair are in this photo, along with British bloggers Cherry Pie and Vicus Scurra. Can you spot them?
And if any of you have your own similar encounters with tight airport security measures to pass on, please do so. While the strip-search has always existed, this exercise is called the Stripped, Searched, Scramble.
Body cavities are next for these travellers.
August 24, 2006
THE ASTRONOMERS MUST HAVE DECIDED NOT TO GIVE IN TO THEIR SOMEWHAT LESS SCIENTIFIC FRIENDS IN THE ASTROLOGY LOBBY.
EITHER THAT, OR THEY'RE ALL BEING PAID OFF BY THE SCHOOL BOOK PUBLISHING INDUSTRY, WHICH WILL NOW BE REPUBLISHING SCIENCE BOOKS TO REFLECT THE NEW REALITY.
PLUTO IS NO LONGER A PLANET! GASP! (See one story below)
ALL THOSE PLANETARY PERSONALITY PEOPLE PRESUMABLY WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO TELL CLIENTS "MARS IS INTERSECTING WITH THE PLANET PLUTO" AND THAT'S WHY YOUR LIFE IS FALLING APART.
Or whatever it is astrologers say to people who insist on believing their lives are governed by celestial bodies of rock that are millions of miles away.
Personally, I am crushed. Like millions of other people -- nay, billions -- I was educated to believe there were nine planets and that poor old Pluto was the dinky little one on the outer edges.
The Li'l Guy Who Could, like Thomas the train engine or whatever he's called, or Tugboat Willy.
But now the astronomers, wary of fabricating other orbs into planets and increasing the # to 12, have opted to plunk our beloved Pluto into Planetary Purgatory.
Oh, the pain. Now the astrologers will come up with some clever solution, no doubt, to their conundrum. The publishers would have prevailed, I suppose, no matter what. One less or three more.
What do you think? Should we start a worldwide PLUTO'S A PLANET campaign to preserve the Cold, Old, Poop? Or just accept that these guys are the Lords of the Galaxy and be done with it?
The story (edited a bit), from the Miami Herald:
BYE-BYE LITTLE PLUTO.
As anticipated last week, textbooks will have to be rewritten, but in an entirely different way than expected: Now, suddenly, there are only eight real, full-fledged planets -- and Pluto has been booted out of the club.
The world's leading astronomers ended a week of scientific controversy by deciding Thursday to demote Pluto to a new -- and soon to be crowded -- category called ``dwarf planets.''
The celestial survivors now are called ''classical planets.'' Starting with the closest to the sun, they are: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.
''Think of it as an amicable divorce or as giving up a daughter in marriage,'' Jack Horkheimer, director of the Space Transit Planetarium at the Miami Science Museum, said of Pluto.
``It's still the same partner or daughter, but the name is going to change.''
It's been quite the ride recently for Pluto and its supporters and detractors -- and for innocent bystanders.
Last week, a committee of the International Astronomical Union, which is meeting in Prague and has control over these things, recommended that Pluto retain its planetary status and that three other celestial bodies be added to the list -- for a total of 12 planets.
But the astronomers ultimately decided Thursday that last week's recommendation was too broad and accommodating.
''It was basically that anything round was a planet, and that immediately gives us 53 planets in the solar system, with the possibility of hundreds in the future,'' one said. ``Planets have the connotation of being special to us and 200 are not special.''
Now, a genuine planet has to be round, has to orbit the sun and ``has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.''
The final part of the definition ruled out Pluto because it is one of 70,000 icy objects in the Kuiper Belt, making for a rather cluttered neighborhood way out there on the fringes of the solar system.
Naturally, the decision disappointed advocates of the plucky little, er, non-planet that was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh on Feb. 18, 1930 -- a favorite of many budding young astronomers.
Children bond with Pluto because it is -- was -- the smallest planet, the farthest from the sun and the only one with a Walt Disney character named after it, said one physicist.
Other admirers tried to make the best of it.
''The classification doesn't matter,'' said Louis Friedman, executive director of The Planetary Society, which lobbied for a robotic NASA mission to Pluto that was launched earlier this year.
``Pluto and all solar system objects are mysterious and exciting new worlds that need to be explored and better understood.''
Under the new celestial lineup, two objects that last week seemed headed for the planetary first team -- an asteroid called Ceres and Brown's 2003 UB313/Xena -- become the first of many bodies to join Pluto as dwarf planets.
One astronomer said he understood the cultural importance of Pluto and the long-held conviction that our solar system contains nine planets, but science always evolves and must travel where the facts lead.
''Scientifically, there is no question that this is the right way to go,'' he said. ``If the astronomers can stick to their guns, the culture will come around."
August 22, 2006
"Hey, YouTubers, it's Paris," purrs socialite and aspiring pop-singer Paris Hilton in a new video that graces the right sidebar of the online video hub's front page.
The video is an example of what the company calls "participatory video ads," or PVAs. Like other YouTube videos, PVAs can be rated, commented upon, and embedded in blogs and MySpace profiles.
..."Just a little rich girl with too much money and a lot of time on her hands," YouTube user "ptmchale" posted on the new PVA for Paris Hilton's album promotion. And a user "zzzyax" added, "What a loser...YouTube isn't for 'celebrities' as some people may call them."
The 'Pledge This!' actress - who has just released her self-titled debut music album - insists she refused her millionaire parents' offers of financial help after she first left home, because she was determined to prove she could make it on her own.
Despite her privileged upbringing, Paris - whose parents, Kathy and Rick, own the Hilton hotel chain - insists her success and wealth are down to her own hard work.
She added: 'I've done it all on my own. My cars, my house, I bought for myself.'
August 21, 2006
August 19, 2006
FIRST, YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE, EVEN IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO SAY HELLO.
STILL, YOU ARE A MYSTERY.
So how do we know you have come here and left without saying a word? Have a look down the right hand sidebar of my blog, all the way to the bottom, down to my Cluster Map.
Click on it for a larger image. Then look at the red dot that's located right where you live.
I know people from China, Japan, New Zealand, what appears to be Russia, likely Finland and maybe Sweden, Italy, Morocco, Spain, Brazil, Argentina, have all stopped by.
And you've peaked in from Churchill in the northern part of Manitoba, Regina, Saskatchewan, some other countries in Central Europe that are too small to determine and many other locations in North America.
You all have visited. And I thank you for that. While of course I'd like to hear from you -- even just to say hi -- and possibly pay a return visit to your own space, I respect your right to just walk in and silently walk out.
The door here is always open.
August 16, 2006
ESPECIALLY FOR MALES.
A confession, outright: I have come to learn that possibly more than any defining feature on my body, I am most consumed by, fret about and care for the hair that grows upon it. I would never have admitted this before a strange phenomenon started occurring.
I have, for some time, been losing my hair in some places where I don't want to lose it -- such as on the top of my head (also known as male pattern baldness, a genetic trait that men inherit from their mothers, as I understand).
And I have been gaining it where it is unwelcome -- primarily in my ears, nose and eyebrows.
I still consider myself fortunate on the hair front. I have more hair on my head than both of my brothers, each of whom are younger than I am, and neither who are anywhere as good-looking or charming.
But they have more hair on their chests than I do, so maybe there's a certain maximum number of hairs that men can have, say 10 million or maybe 100 million, I've never counted, and what I give up in the chest department to them I gain in the head department.
And, for those who are asking, I am obviously not counting other areas of the body in this post.
But what I am finding is that as I notice my hairline receding and the bald spot on the top of head getting bigger and bigger, I wonder if that hair isn't simply falling on to my face while I sleep and reattaching itself to my inner ears, my eyebrows and the interior of my nose.
I understand that this is part of the quirky male aging process, the same as my chest and shoulder muscles seemingly migrating to my midriff, apparently beyond my control, no matter what I do or don't do.
Here are some examples of middle-aged men's facial hair gone wild:
Clearly, these images are illustrating something I don't want to become. However, I have noticed a rogue white hair growing in the eyebrow above my right eye. I constantly cut it with scissors but it keeps coming back.
And seeing as I'm too much of a wussy to actually yank the hair out (That is SO painful and I want to keep all the hair I can!), it seems I am resigned to living with it. We almost have a relationship now. I would miss it if it died.
I have also noticed long hairs trying to grow out of ears, but I dispose of them fairly quickly along with the ear wax. As far as nose hairs, I cut them often but they just keep growing back thicker and more determined than before.
So while women struggle to deal with sagging breasts, bulging behinds and falling faces, plus the Big M and other minor inconveniences, it's important to note that we men also face our challenges with aging.
I hope we all understand that.
For those who haven't, Pluto is still a planet, although it's been downsized to some kind of lower category. And three others have been added to the list to bring the number of planets in our solar system to 12.
Here's a followup story, just to keep the universe informed...(besides that, I seem to have the Blogger Blahs this week).
The tally of planets in our solar system would jump instantly to a dozen under a highly controversial new definition proposed by the International Astronomical Union (IAU).
Eventually there would be hundreds as more round objects are found beyond Neptune.
The proposal, which sources tell SPACE.com is gaining broad support, tries to plug a big gap in astronomy textbooks, which have never had a definition for the word "planet."
It addresses discoveries of Pluto-sized worlds that have in recent years pitched astronomers into heated debates over terminology.
The asteroid Ceres, which is round, would be recast as a dwarf planet in the new scheme.
Pluto would remain a planet and its moon Charon would be reclassified as a planet. Both would be called "plutons," however, to distinguish them from the eight "classical" planets.
A far-out Pluto-sized object known as 2003 UB313 would also be called a pluton. That would make Caltech researcher Mike Brown, who found 2003 UB313, formally the discoverer of the 12th planet. But he thinks it's a lousy idea.
"It's flattering to be considered discoverer of the 12th planet," Brown said in a telephone interview. He applauded the committee's efforts but said the overall proposal is "a complete mess."
By his count, the definition means there are already 53 known planets in our solar system with countless more to be discovered.
Brown and other another expert said the proposal, to be put forth Wednesday at the IAU General Assembly meeting in Prague, is not logical.
For example, Brown said, it does not make sense to consider Ceres and Charon planets and not call our Moon (which is bigger than both) a planet.
IAU members will vote on the proposal Thursday, Aug. 24. Its fate is far from clear.
August 13, 2006
RESISTING THE INCREDIBLE TEMPTATION TO WRITE YET ANOTHER POST ABOUT DUBYA AND HIS P.R. CAMPAIGN ABOUT WHO WON AND LOST THE WAR IN LEBANON, I OFFER THIS UP FOR CONSIDERATION.
The outcast of outcasts on a cosmic scale...and now, apparently, possibly about to become the latest victim of Earth's navel-gazers.
Here's an edited version of the story, which you might have read or heard about already:
Experts' vote could mean demotion for Pluto
Astronomy group to offer definition in 'planet' debate
By Jim Erickson, Rocky Mountain News August 12, 2006
NASA's New Horizons spacecraft is streaking at 43,500 mph toward a 2015 rendezvous with Pluto. When it arrives, will it encounter the solar system's ninth planet or a demoted celestial has-been?
Nearly 3,000 astronomers and planetary scientists from around the globe will gather in Prague, Czech Republic, next week to answer that question by voting on an official definition of "planet."
For decades, schoolchildren have learned that nine planets circle the sun. But that number could drop to eight or soar to dozens, depending on the new International Astronomical Union definition.
News leaks about the planet definition began to spout late this week, as the authors prepared to present a draft resolution to the IAU's executive committee Sunday in Prague. The IAU is the official arbiter of all issues related to astronomical nomenclature.
In a story that aired Thursday, unnamed sources told National Public Radio the proposed definition would include Pluto in a new class of small planets. A source also told the Rocky Mountain News on Thursday that a member of the seven-person definition panel said Pluto will remain a planet.
'Just not big enough'
The need for a bulletproof definition gained urgency last year after the discovery of 2003 UB313 - nicknamed Xena - an icy object in the solar system's outer fringes.
Hubble Space Telescope photos show Xena has a diameter of 1,490 miles, give or take 60 miles. Pluto is 1,422 miles across.
If Xena rivals Pluto in size, shouldn't it be classified as a planet? The leader of the discovery team, Caltech's Michael Brown, thought so; he dubbed Xena "the 10th planet."
But others consider Xena, Pluto and their kin as little more than cosmic debris.
Xena and Pluto reside in a band of icy, sun-orbiting bodies beyond Neptune, called the Kuiper Belt. More than 1,000 so-called Kuiper Belt Objects have been discovered since 1992.
One expert's solar system would contain eight planets. Pluto, the faint, far-off iceball discovered by U.S. astronomer Clyde Tombaugh in 1930, would not make the cut. Same for the rest of the Kuiper Belt and all the asteroids, rocky bodies that orbit the sun between Mars and Jupiter.
My question: Should anybody care about this issue, really? Pluto's going to keep being Pluto, whether a bunch of tall forehead astronomers continue to define it as a planet for our purposes or not.
But what if you took the obvious intellect and expertise of all these astronomers and combined it with the best minds from all other fields across the planet we're on, Earth, and applied that brilliance to the issues we actually are facing right now on our own planet?
What if, instead of Bush and Blair and religiously-dominated sects in the Middle East making decisions that affect us all, we had astronomers and physicists and authors and playwrights and bloggers to call upon?
What if we said, yeah, OK, we'll have democratic elections that could result in slippery politicians like Bush, Blair, Canada's Stephen Harper and other nimrods get elected to "lead" their countries.
But that on disputes and issues that could affect the entire planet, such as wars and nuclear weapons and WMDs, the likes of Dubya, and his big business cronies, etc., would be sent away to the North Pole for a while.
And some new global think tank would be brought in, staffed by an appointed or annointed unbiased membership of the best minds on earth from every field imaginable, two per country, to vote on what to do.
Like a United Nations with people with brains and feelings and concern for the common good through common sense and no political, religious or business bent.
No polls, no campaigning, no press releases, no captive news media with its own agenda to present. Just the brightest minds on the planet, the untainted creme de la creme, Earth's best beings, enforcing just law.
I know it sounds outlandish. The question is, could it work? Or do you think the current chaos is just fine? And about Bush: maybe we could just send him on an exploratory trip to Pluto...
I LOVE THIS SONG CALLED PHOTOGRAPH, BY CANADA'S NICKELBACK. LISTEN TO THE WORDS. WATCH THE VIDEO.
We all have back doors we looked out of every morning as kids, when we knew nothing but wanted to know everything, where we couldn't know what we'd have to say goodbye to because we were saying hello to everything.
Our lives were about simple things like walking past the same houses and the same people on our way to school, playing the same sports with the same friends, finding out who we were and who we wondered we could be.
Our first fight. Our first kiss. Our first breakup and first broken hearts. Our first jobs. Our first "real jobs." Our first drink. Our first time passing out or throwing up because of that drink.
Our first experience with death. The first time we made love. The first time we got behind the wheel of a car. The first time we voted. For some, seeing our first child born. For some, seeing our first marriage come and go.
We never stop saying hello because we'd die if we did...we need the happiness and challenge and excitement of taking on new things and knowing new people and we have to say hello for that to happen.
But saying hello can bring with it some risk and some pain. And that pain can stay around a long time if you can't say goodbye to it -- not to erase the experience altogether, because it just doesn't happen that way.
But just to accept that it's there, you survived it, you can't change it. And it needs to go, or at least the pain associated with it.
In my experience, it seems that before we can say hello to something or someone new, we have to say goodbye to things or people that in some cases we don't want to let go of.
Who or what do you have to say goodbye to so you can start to say hello again?
August 11, 2006
AIRPORT AUTHORITIES ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE DOING THEIR PART TO CONSERVE WATER THIS WEEK.
BECAUSE OF THE TERRORIST PLOT UNCOVERED IN THE UK TO BOMB 10 OR MORE PLANES WITH LIQUID EXPLOSIVES, AIRPORTS HAVE TIGHTENED THEIR SECURITY MEASURES TO NEW UNBELIEVABLY RESTRICTIVE HEIGHTS.
No longer content with merely apprehending such potentially destructive WMDs as tweezers, nail clippers, nose hair scissors and zit removing thingies, airports across the planet have now banned all liquids on carry-on baggage.
This includes, says one report out of Montreal, bottles of water, any gel-like substances such as toothpaste, hair gel and presumably sexual lubricants, but -- and we are not kidding -- those staples of airport shop sales, water globes.
Sales of snow globes, Canada's biggest cash export, were forecast to plummet.
August 9, 2006
I DEEMED IT THE PROPER TIME FOR HIM TO GO THROUGH A TEEN'S RITE OF PASSAGE TO PREPARE HIM FOR HIS IMPENDING LIFE AS A YOUNG ADULT MALE.
I have exposed him to Monty Python, the most sickeningly funny bits of humour ever recorded on film. And not only did I accompany him on this journey to manhood, my 18-year-old daughter was present. She even giggled a bit.
But no, this was a critical moment in my testosterone-heavy son's transition from boy to man, from teen to titanic pickup artist and joke-teller, from moronic idiot to...well, moronic idiot.
We rented both Monty Python and the Holy Grail and The Meaning of Life. I admit, I wondered if this was perhaps too bold a manoeuvre on my part, too much to expose him to at one time.
I was wrong.
At this very moment, he is roaring in laughter, yet again, at the rabbit scene in the Holy Grail. Earlier, he was giggling uncontrollably at the middle of the movie scene in Meaning of Life, the search for fish.
But there is no doubt that the Holy Grail -- particularly the white rabbit, black knight and bridge-keeper scenes -- will give my son a lifetime of comedic understanding, depth and backbone to fall back on as he learns to love women, career and children...
Even as they will crush him all.