The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

July 7, 2008

Stubble, Stubble, Goils and Trouble


Story in our paper a few days ago:


HOMER Simpson, sex symbol? That's the implication of a new study that reveals women overwhelmingly prefer men with facial stubble when seeking a partner for love, sex or marriage.

Researchers publishing in the journal Personality and Individual Differences (eds note: Huh?) found women are drawn to men who, like the ever-scruffy Homer, flaunt one or two days of follicular growth.

For brevity, I'll sum up by saying that the study said women find light stubble most appealing. Men who "boasted the smoothness of a dolphin or the hairness of Red Green rated lowest."

"Preference for facial hair is clearly a cultural thing," said the study's lead author, Nick Neave, an evolutionary psychologist at Northumbria University in the UK. "But I think the underlying mechanism is that it signals masculinity."

Now the kicker is that while the majority of women seem to like the 5 o'clock shadow look, a man's stubble sure doesn't feel good on their faces when kissing or other amourous activities are initiated.

In fact, that's when women want their men to have baby faces.

DOH! OH, OK!!!

So now that all us males are completely confused, that brings me back to me and my quandary.

I hate shaving.

I have blogged here before about all the cuts and scrapes and the various other outrageous misfortunes I have suffered whilst trying to maintain a clean-shaven look and feel just for nuzzlin' the cheeks and other fine surfaces of the female form.

And for what? What's the cause and effect? What's the point of having a 5 o'clock shadow if at 5:20, I have to shave it off to take advantage of any allure the 5 o'clock shadow might have had 20 minutes earlier?

Besides, I have lighter-coloured facial hair. And now, my beard has turned mostly grey. So my 5 o'clock shadow doesn't show up all that much until 5 o'clock the next day. Twenty-four hours is a long time to wait!

Besides that, professionally, I can't go around looking unshaven and unkempt. I either have to be clean-shaven or have a beard...I can't BE in between, unless I've decided I'm growing a beard.

To compound matters, my electric shaver broke down a while ago and they don't give you the close shave women want (in my experience) anyway, so it's back to the blade, the shaving cream and water.

So every day, I start with this...(and DO note the dour expression on my face)

And then I get this...

To transform into this...

Oh, the horror...
Finally, from an evolutionary point of view, there are lots of different theories about why men have facial hair and why women, for the most part, don't.
I actually tried to find this out, but there were so many theories out there, it seems the scientific world really doesn't know for sure.
There's the theory that men went out into the cold the most to do their hunting, so they needed beards for warmth. There's a theory that it's just a simple fact of hormones.
There's the belief that mens' facial hair is just another evolutionary development to attract females as a sign of masculinity. And there are more.
Whatever, to me it doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't women have developed our kind of facial hair instead or, at least, in concert with us?
Then they could have their own 5 o'clock shadows rather than the smooth skin they have now, and their faces would be protected from our stubble.
Wouldn't that have made more sense?