Perhaps my most impressive collection is pictured above. That's 10 -- count 'em, 10 -- different salad dressings. I don't keep them there on display, because they'd go bad (but maybe that would be a good thing).
There are two Kraft Signature sun-dried tomato dressings (on the far right), about four different ranch dressings and Caesar salad dressings...all, basically, for my daughter.
My son doesn't eat salad -- thinks it's rabbit food, and I mostly agree -- but I know I should eat more salad and fresh vegetables, so I buy this stuff without looking first to see if I have it already.
But it fills space in my fridge, so my fridge, who is female, is always feeling filled or fulfilled. And, dare I say it, therefore happy and content.
I like munching on stuff that is easy and accessible and requires little preparation. Note the two jars of sweet pickled onions on the left and the two rings of garlic sausage on the right.
And how about the carrots and tomatoes (cherry and regular) below. My daughter has only recently seen fit to tell me she no longer likes carrots so much. I don't even ask my son any more...he's a meat guy, through and through.
Perhaps the biggest and most perplexing challenge I'm facing is the oversupply of broccoli below. I don't mind broccoli in dip but, well, it tends to dry up and make me fart.
Still, it takes up gobs of space in my fridge, so she's happy.
I haven't even opened my cupboards today -- they're also of the feminine persuasion and I've sensed they're feeling ignored, so I'm trying to lay low and watch Family Guy.
But if I did, you would see three boxes of Quaker Oats Variety Pack oatmeal, eight boxes of cereal and about seven boxes of various kinds of crackers.
You would also see four cans of oysters, a Homo Escapeons delicacy when he visits and which I always buy for him.
The fact is, I enjoy grocery shopping and padding the bottom line of my local grocery store, and they always enjoy seeing me visit.
There's always a woman there who wants me to try a free snack as I pass her by, and we constantly joke with each other as she sees my shopping cart overflowing with things I apparently don't need.
I think I'm an uber consumer. And I think I need help.