"GLOBAL" TERRORISM

AIRPORT AUTHORITIES ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE DOING THEIR PART TO CONSERVE WATER THIS WEEK.

BECAUSE OF THE TERRORIST PLOT UNCOVERED IN THE UK TO BOMB 10 OR MORE PLANES WITH LIQUID EXPLOSIVES, AIRPORTS HAVE TIGHTENED THEIR SECURITY MEASURES TO NEW UNBELIEVABLY RESTRICTIVE HEIGHTS.

No longer content with merely apprehending such potentially destructive WMDs as tweezers, nail clippers, nose hair scissors and zit removing thingies, airports across the planet have now banned all liquids on carry-on baggage.

This includes, says one report out of Montreal, bottles of water, any gel-like substances such as toothpaste, hair gel and presumably sexual lubricants, but -- and we are not kidding -- those staples of airport shop sales, water globes.

There was no immediate word on whether passengers would be asked to empty their bladders before all flights and whether all in-flight pee breaks would require armed escorts by security personnel.

Sales of snow globes, Canada's biggest cash export, were forecast to plummet.

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