Thrills on the Throne

I HAVE ALWAYS LAUGHED UNCONTROLLABLY WHEN SOMEONE MENTIONS THE WORD, "POOP."

AND I HAVE DONE SO ONLY BECAUSE THE WORD AND THE PHYSICAL ACTION ITSELF ARE SO "HUSH-HUSH." OR, MORE ACCURATELY, FLUSH-FLUSH.

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT, A PHYSICAL FUNCTION THAT WE ALL MUST PERFORM, USUALLY EVERY DAY. IT'S VERBOTEN.

IT'S OFF-LIMITS.

Well, no it isn't.

In the spirit of Blazing Saddles and other endearing comedies that at least ventured into the realm of farting and other physically necessary functions that we politely pretend never happen, I'm venturing into the void, so to speak.

So my question here today is, What do you scoop while you poop? What do you read while you're in need? How do you pass the time while your bowels are sublime and doing their thing in rhyme?

What transpires while your expire? What knowledge awaits while you exfoliate? What can you learn while your bowels churn?

These are a few of my favourite readings while I'm on the Throne and all alone...

Us totally buff guys must keep up on our knowledge, of course (HA!)

I have not lost my gut, have not sculpted my body, do not have six-pack abs and do not have better sex. But I can dream, can't I?