OK, I SIMPLY CAN'T RESIST.
HERE IS MY SEMI-MONTHLY POST OF SHOCK AND DISMAY ON THE ABSOLUTELY INNANE ADVENTURES OF PARIS HILTON AND WHY WE ACTUALLY CARE.
But first, we need to set the stage and describe the so-called "average North American Family" pictured above.
This family consisted of a former Playboy Playmate and a so-called rock star from Blink 182 who looks more like Pee Wee Herman on a bad hair day than anything else. And doncha just love all those tats?
Anyway, this once-in-a-lifetime couple are now split, apparently (who knows the fate of those kids and how they'll ever grow up "normal").
And today's story, which follows, is likely on Enterpainment Tonight and whatever other sleaze TV shows are out there. By the time you read this, if you do, it will be old news.
In our news meeting today (I work at a daily newspaper), someone actually said, "This will be the most read story in the entire newspaper Thursday." And the sad thing is, that person is probably right.
SAD, I said.
The only laughable thing about this is that Paris Hilton apparently got punched out. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a good thing. But these two kittens were scratching each other over THIS loser?
Paris Hilton vs. Shanna Moakler: Round 1
The Associated Press
Wednesday, October 4, 2006; 1:27 PM
LOS ANGELES -- Can Travis Barker really make women go this crazy? His ex-wife, Shanna Moakler, was involved in a nightclub fracas with Paris Hilton early Wednesday morning.
Barker, the drummer for Blink-182, filed for divorce in August from Moakler, a former beauty queen now appearing on "Dancing With the Stars." In September, Barker was apparently videotaped kissing Hilton, who needs no introduction.
Then Hilton encountered Moakler at the Hyde club in Hollywood last night. The following re-enactment is based on reports by police, publicists for both women, but unfortunately no pugilistic experts:
Hilton says Moakler walked up to her, "used the most vile of language" and then punched her in her jaw.
Moakler contends she exchanged mere profanities with Hilton, at which point Hilton's ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos emerged from the entourage, bent Moakler's wrists, poured a drink on her and shoved her down some stairs.
Hilton, 25, and Moakler, 31, both filed police reports alleging battery. Officer Karen Smith said police took pictures of Moakler and Hilton at the station, and that police planned to speak with witnesses at the club as part of their investigation.
Moakler and the tattooed punk rocker Barker were an unlikely pair when they married in 2004, documenting their lavish wedding and life on the MTV reality show "Meet the Barkers." They had two children.
Moakler also has a 7-year-old daughter with boxer Oscar De La Hoya.
All I can say is...ARGHHH!!! Why are we consuming this pap and caring about it when there's so many other things that don't get nearly the attention they deserve from us, which is just the way our so-called leaders want it?
VIDEO: DON'T GIVE UP by Peter Gabriel