BACKED UP BIRTHDAYS BASH

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I HAVE CALCULATED MY FAMILY'S NUMBERS.

I have two brothers and three sisters. And among us, we have four spouses. And among all of them, there are 14 offspring. And then there's our mom and dad. That's 26 people.

That's 25 birthdays every year I have to try to remember. And five Mother's Days. And seven Father's Days. The fact is, I don't even try to remember. I rely on other people to do that for me.

Like my sisters, who organize all the birthday celebrations, or pretend to. Well, they did a terrible job this past winter.

So last Saturday, we celebrated a winter's full of birthdays at my sister Shauna's sprawling acreage estate just outside city limits, on the eve of Mother's Day, another cause for celebration.

I won't tell you how much I spent on birthday cards alone. OK, it was $50. Many of those cards had cheques in them to my far too numerous nieces and nephews and daughter.

And my brother Doug, who lives in Ottawa, wasn't even here with his three kids. His birthday is Valentine's Day. I have to finally phone him this Sunday to wish him Happy Birthday.

Seeing as I'm a November baby, I was just one of the unwashed hangers-on that no one cared about except to be the sugar daddy. So all I did was write those cheques and take pictures of everyone else.