The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

September 11, 2006


(NOTE: No actual males were harmed and no scientific experiments were performed in the formulation of this post; although some of you may be thinking they should have been.)


A marvel of natural selection or cruel fate, the human male's ways are the product of countless generations of growth of his brain and sexual organs to make him what he is today.

He has walked on the moon; he has started all wars; he has invented all religions; he has brought about the advent of pro sports, TV, sex, fart jokes and politics in all its forms.

He is George Bush, Henry the Eighth, Adolph Hitler, Bill Gates, Barry Bonds. He is the priest in your local parish, the glad-handing mayor during election time, the slick car salesman.

He is also the git who forgot to take out the garbage, who can't remember birthdays or what you said to him two minutes ago, who can't lift a toilet lid and then can't aim properly anyway.

The human male can at once melt the heart of a female with such charming characteristics but then can belch, fart and otherwise -- Doh! -- become a beer-guzzling, insensitive cretin.

A breakthrough scientific analysis of the male human brain has been carried out in an attempt to once and for all pinpoint the unique traits of this organ that make modern man what he is today.

To start, we need to look at a typical brain of a male living in North America in 2006. These are startling new findings stolen from a website on the Internet, apparently produced by a female.

Click on the diagram below in the hope of making it bigger. If it remains the same size, then ha ha ha! It's the writer's tiny male brain not having a clue as to how to help you!!!

You will immediately note the prevalence and larger size of some glands, nerve centres and governing grey matter characteristics over key behavioral areas. And the under-developed size of some others.

This is for good reason, developed over the millenia, based primarily on the need to counter the parallel yet quite different evolution of the female brain, in order to ensure the continuance of the species.

As the diagram illustrates, the primary role of all males, above all else, is to not answer personal questions, to not pay attention, to not iron clothes and to not listen.

Subgroups of this behavior include not washing dishes, not making the bed, making a big stink while changing babies' diapers, listening to babies cry and being generally unreliable in comparison to the human female.

Instead, it appears, males mostly enjoy pursuing other activities, such as the following:


There are many sound evolutionary reasons for men's focus on sex, teasing females, competing with one another and having time to themselves to drink, fart and be merry.

1. Men are the hunters/gatherers, responsible for both securing the food supply and protecting females and children and, for that matter, to impregnate females which thereby results in the reproduction of children.

There may be other reasons, but we are too tired to think of them right now. We invite interested readers to provide their own philosophies, beliefs or comments, in the interests of furthering global understanding.

Thank you.