The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

January 3, 2007

Grocery Shopping with WW

MY FRIDGE, I THINK, LOVES ME.
MY KITCHEN CUPBOARDS, IF YOU ASKED THEM, MIGHT CALL ME A VERY ATTENTIVE, PRODIGIOUS LOVER AND COMPANION, ALWAYS GIVING.
I mean, all I ever do is fill them up with stuff, valuable stuff, that I spend huge amounts of money on every two weeks just to feed me and my kids.
The only problem is, half the stuff doesn't get eaten. And I end up buying food that I already have, hiding in the nether regions of my fridge or in the dark reaches of my cupboards.
They say to buy bulk, and I do...just not all at once and on sale. I buy the same thing over and over again, whether I need it or not. And whether it's on sale or not.


Perhaps my most impressive collection is pictured above. That's 10 -- count 'em, 10 -- different salad dressings. I don't keep them there on display, because they'd go bad (but maybe that would be a good thing).

There are two Kraft Signature sun-dried tomato dressings (on the far right), about four different ranch dressings and Caesar salad dressings...all, basically, for my daughter.

My son doesn't eat salad -- thinks it's rabbit food, and I mostly agree -- but I know I should eat more salad and fresh vegetables, so I buy this stuff without looking first to see if I have it already.

But it fills space in my fridge, so my fridge, who is female, is always feeling filled or fulfilled. And, dare I say it, therefore happy and content.













I like munching on stuff that is easy and accessible and requires little preparation. Note the two jars of sweet pickled onions on the left and the two rings of garlic sausage on the right.

DOH!

And how about the carrots and tomatoes (cherry and regular) below. My daughter has only recently seen fit to tell me she no longer likes carrots so much. I don't even ask my son any more...he's a meat guy, through and through.

The tomatoes though, I take responsibility for.




Perhaps the biggest and most perplexing challenge I'm facing is the oversupply of broccoli below. I don't mind broccoli in dip but, well, it tends to dry up and make me fart.

Still, it takes up gobs of space in my fridge, so she's happy.

I haven't even opened my cupboards today -- they're also of the feminine persuasion and I've sensed they're feeling ignored, so I'm trying to lay low and watch Family Guy.

But if I did, you would see three boxes of Quaker Oats Variety Pack oatmeal, eight boxes of cereal and about seven boxes of various kinds of crackers.

You would also see four cans of oysters, a Homo Escapeons delicacy when he visits and which I always buy for him.

The fact is, I enjoy grocery shopping and padding the bottom line of my local grocery store, and they always enjoy seeing me visit.

There's always a woman there who wants me to try a free snack as I pass her by, and we constantly joke with each other as she sees my shopping cart overflowing with things I apparently don't need.

I think I'm an uber consumer. And I think I need help.

31 comments:

  1. Aha! You do not beat my carrot supply -4 bags(or is it 5?) -for juicing.I don't actually like to cook carrots, though :).
    Sure you have enough salad dressing there? (Ditch the bottled dressing, I say! Make your own - olive oil, lemon juice(or vinegar), and some seasalt. Put some garlic in if you like it. No artificial ingredients and tastes good good good. That was Recipe For The Day :)).

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  2. This is what I love most about your blog - the diversity. One day it's about unrequited love, the next about grocery shopping. :)

    I just got back from grocery shopping and wish I had read your post sooner. I've never tasted pickled onions and your post may have been enough to get me to give them a try.

    I second lee's suggestion for the homemade salad dressing - very easy, very yummy, and very fresh.

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  3. Oh no, some internet thing just ate my comment, maybe because I was teasing you too much ? Let me try again :
    "Make a shopping list, you silly, instead of getting thoughts about a female fridge that likes to be filled. Snow seems to do weird things with you (cabin fever, right ?)" (no offence, I enjoy your posts very much)

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  4. Lee:

    Cooked carrots are entirely boring, I agree, and one reason I never really liked them...

    I'm landlocked! Where do I get seasalt? And how is it different from, like, salt?

    Bottled dressing is so much easier, I figure...but I'll try your recipe, girl!

    Anna:

    I kinda got the impression people didn't want to read about love...they wanted to read about stupid stuff!!!

    So here it is.

    You've gotta try pickled onions, although of course you could just make them yourself...

    ;-)

    Hildegarde:

    Girl, ya got me goin' now...I love being called silly, because I am and proud of it...

    But every fridge IS female and it likes to be filled, of that there is no doubt.

    I don't have cabin fever, that usually happens in February.

    I DO make lists, but they're based on what I think I need rather than on what I know I need by looking.

    The process seems to have an inherent problem. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong...

    Like I said, I need help.

    :-)

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  5. Anonymous6:36 PM

    Have you tried glazed carrots? Just lightly boil the carrots and then add a tub of butter and bag of brown sugar. Even my dad will eat carrots made like this, of course it defeats the purpose of eating carrots. ;-)

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  6. Laurie:

    A TUB of butter and a BAG of brown sugar? Oh, that'll be good for my waistline and diabetes risk.

    Just kidding. I'm all for it. I only have a half a pound of butter on hand though so I'll go buy a few more pounds.

    And my brown sugar bag is as hard as a rock (I actually know about the trick of throwing an apple in there) but hey, whatever works.

    I have tasted glazed carrots, they're a bit more tasty than shoe leather so you're on.

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  7. Well atleast it's good to know ur a heavy-salad eater. It's healthy :)

    My fridge is free of extra food that never get eaten, except for few pickles :)


    Tip for keeping ur fridge clean and free of food that never get eaten:

    Think twice before u put something in ur shopping basket :)



    Keshi.

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  8. 4 cans of oysters for Homo Escapeons? Does he enjoy their aphrodisiacal properties while he's visiting you?

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  9. Anonymous7:44 PM

    Eight comments and NOT ONE comment about you saying that youy FART from Broccoli. I'll say it then, YOU SAID FART. Farty, farty, fart, fart.

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  10. Anonymous10:17 PM

    Oh Luvie! Thank YOU!!
    I've been poppin' by and waiting for your last post to change (too too sad)

    And now you have! And with this! Yay!

    "... so my fridge, who is female, is always feeling filled or fulfilled ..."

    oooo - that sounds so ... naughty! With a capital "T", and that rhymes with me!

    Sooo, cupboards are filled to the brim with tins of oyesters for H.E.? And your fulfulled and feeling filled fridge is full of sausage, carrots, sweet pickled onions?!?!

    What exactly is it that you need help with luvie?

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  11. You and your innuendo. A fridge is female because it is quiet and it gets you satiated.

    I suppose you wash your vegetables except the peeled carrots with warm water and soap?

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  12. Anonymous2:15 AM

    Ok, its settled...we have a date.

    I mean, forget the fact that I'm married and between us we'd have a football team of children.

    All I know is you're cute and I'm hungry.

    So what's for dinner?

    Sans Kraft Dinner, s'il vous plait.

    Oui?

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  13. Anonymous6:39 AM

    I thought I was the only person who bought edible stuff that no one eats. My fridge and kitchen cupboards are overflowing with stuff which I seldom use but I still buy as I like to try new things.

    Glad to see that I am not alone in getting useless things.

    PS: I make salad dressings at home.

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  14. Keshi:

    I don't eat nearly as much salad as I should. And the good thing about pickles is they last forever.

    Think twice? That's far too practical for me. I'm a spur of the moment guy.

    MJ:

    He can dream, can't he?

    Wait until you see the provocative shots of him in his new $1.49 shirt, coming in a future post.

    His last words were: "Don't embarrass me too much." Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...

    Brian:

    Only men would acknowledge and get the significance of that reference, Brian. Thank you.

    I think that is fodder for a future post, however...the myth that women don't fart...

    Lady W:

    Naughty with a capital T? That rhymes with thee?

    Me and my fridge and cupboards need all the help we can get, so offers are gratefully accepted...

    Ces:

    Innuendo? I said the fridge and cupboards were sated and content, not necessarily me...

    They're certainly not quiet. They scream out every time just before I go shopping, "Fill me, fill me!"

    I don't wash my vegetables as I should, I must confess, unless I can see what I'm not supposed to eat.

    Awaiting:

    Gulp!

    For an horse doovruh, we have WW's crab/cheese/mayo with curry powder mixture, baked gently brown on fresh slices of French toasted baguettes.

    Followed by a paella or similar Spanish dish cooked all day in my crock pot (I'm no crack pot), overflowing with mussels, shrimp and other creatures from the sea.

    A chilled bottle of white wine would accompany the main course, of course.

    Then would come the piece de resistance: my famous Duncan Hines 20-minute spice cake with fudge icing.

    After all that, I'm sure, would come the execution at Jack's hand. What would be his weapon of choice?

    Bon appetit, then bonsoir. That kinda has a nice ring to it.

    Gautami:

    And so are your fridge and cupboards male, then? I'm glad I'm not the only one with a shop til you drop tendency.

    I'll have to try the salad dressing thing, I guess.

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  15. Anonymous1:58 PM

    Have you and this fridge been together long? Do you always give her the same things, in the same places? No wonder things are going stale, WW.

    Try something spicy. Pop back little and often until almost everything is gone, the shelves are bare and begging to be filled, and then give it to her in one long, satisfying stomach-filling, shelf-groaning go. That'll perk things up :)

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  16. ww, follow cherrypie's advice. things are too predictable. and try a natural foods store (is whole foods or wild oats around your way?)for some cool and fresh variety.

    the only thing i really liked about this post of yours is that there is comfort knowing i am not alone with wasting food.

    oh, and i like that your macho self was willing to write about the subject.....

    :)

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  17. Cherrypie:

    Brilliant, Ma'am. You always make me chuckle...

    Me and Frances have had a hot and cold relationship for the past three years or so.

    She's a little long in the tooth and is losing her colour, which was already somewhat pale.

    I realize the benefit of variety being the spice of life, etc.

    And I try to change things every once in a while, placing different things here and there.

    But how many times can you adjust the shelves to fit in the coconuts and cucumbers?

    I'm not sure she'd allow me to raid her and strip her bare as you suggest, she may think it's over -- or that she's being used.

    But this is no open and shut case, so I guess it's worth a try. I do definitely want to please her.

    KJ:

    You and CP always seem to be in cahoots against me...is this a conspiracy?

    But I would never want things to be predictable.

    Everyone knows that nature food stores are about twice as expensive as anywhere else.

    So aside from the fact that you liked that I wrote about this subject and that it mirrors what you do...what DIDN'T you like?

    Ar Ar

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  18. mmmm oysters.... dont think i could eat them from a can though... nothing like freshly shucked tassie oysters:)

    WHy did the tomato blush?
    because it saw the salad dressing.

    It was funny when i was 5:)

    For me it is going through the fridge and deciding if it is meant to be green or has just ended up that way..

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  19. ww, cherrypie and i are trying to help you. you should just listen to us and follow our advice precisely.

    what i didn't like about your post: pictures of vegetables and salad dressings are too exciting for my constitution.

    :)

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  20. Aidan:

    Gotcha there, mate, except we're as land-locked as you can possibly be on this planet.

    Besides, I wouldn't know how to shuck an oyster any more than I'd know how to skin a cat.

    The tomato joke cracked me up...and I sympathize with the greenery issue.

    KJ:

    Ah, the universal female directive: just listen and do everything we say. Did you ever meet my mom?

    And my translation for your "too exciting for my constitution": they make you fart. Fart, I said. Fart.

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  21. LOL ok then think once and think of me too..then u'll rem what I said :)

    Keshi.

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  22. Three words...MAKE A LIST!
    Never, ever ever go grocery shopping without checking the cupboards, fridge and pantry..don't go when you're hungry, and please don't call fridges and cupboards feminine, fulfilled and whatever.. it is just too weird..
    you are starting to sound like some old shut-in geezer...no more closet and appliance posts..open the door and get the hell outside!!!

    PS
    Tell mj that although I do enjoy the aphrodisiac qualities of oysters it is the anatomical intricacies and the marvelous tongue excercises that really make them so much fun to nibble on.

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  23. Scream out "Fill me! Fill me!" That sounds familiar. Oh wait, this isn't that kind of post - or is it?

    I think the comments have turned your innocent grocery post into soft porn. Between cherrypie's popping and HE's tongueing of oysters, I don't think I can tear myself away from this blog. ;)

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  24. ww: some advice should not be ignored. it comes from above. don't be kidding yourself that you should dismiss it because it comes from us girls.

    point # 2. this is not correct! i do not reference or talk about bodily functions. i am too genteel. bodily parts and purposes, however, are another matter.

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  25. Keshi:

    Yes, I would remember, I bet...

    ;-)

    HE:

    Yes, Anne Landers, you're right. Dang! Make a list!!!

    Who's turning into the old geezer?

    And what's wrong with assigning genders to things you open and close every day?

    Nerd. Just wait until the $1.49 shirt post and pose session...I might pose on my toilet bowl ring first tho.

    Anna:

    No, you had it right when you said "your innocent grocery post."

    Although I might be persuaded that I perhaps set the tone just a smidgeon...

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  26. Er...

    That should be, I might POST, not POSE, on my toilet bowl ring. Some things even turn ME off.

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  27. KJ:

    No, M'Lady, I just jest about the universal female directive, which of course is very real.

    My mom even says so.

    A smart man knows if a woman says so, it's got to be right, because she says it's so.

    As far as your sly attempt to escape the truth of No. 2, I'm trying to find the distinction between bodily functions and bodily parts and purposes...

    But no need to explain. I think I get it.

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  28. That HE sounds like a real seafood connoisseur. Ask him if he's sampled bearded clams.

    Pose on the toilet bowl ring! Pose on the toilet bowl ring!

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  29. WWIII -the difference between salt and seasalt is.....like the difference between white bread and a good wholemeal bread. Good seasalt is unrefined- it's a sort of browny grey colour and has a fantastic flavour -I couldn't go back to tablesalt now. Oh, and it's full of minerals that are missing in the refined salt. Aren't you SO glad you asked ;).

    p.s. I actually ended up counting the bags of carrots and there were 6 of them,plus one that was opened.tch tch.

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  30. MJ:

    Sorry for the delay in responding to this...I'll ask HE about bearded oysters.

    Mind you, we do get in our fair share of jokes about the physical appearance of oysters to other things...

    The toilet bowl ring thing...I just can't see it happening.

    Lee:

    Thanks, I gotta see if sea salt is available here. And what's wrong with white bread? (I know, I know!!)

    I'm still waiting to make my own salad dressing...you must eat a lot of carrot salad, I'm thinking.

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  31. Anonymous3:12 AM

    heh heh... but shopping is such fun!
    i reckon if you take stock you probably won't need to buy groceries for a few months!

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