The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

August 16, 2006




A confession, outright: I have come to learn that possibly more than any defining feature on my body, I am most consumed by, fret about and care for the hair that grows upon it. I would never have admitted this before a strange phenomenon started occurring.

I have, for some time, been losing my hair in some places where I don't want to lose it -- such as on the top of my head (also known as male pattern baldness, a genetic trait that men inherit from their mothers, as I understand).

And I have been gaining it where it is unwelcome -- primarily in my ears, nose and eyebrows.

I still consider myself fortunate on the hair front. I have more hair on my head than both of my brothers, each of whom are younger than I am, and neither who are anywhere as good-looking or charming.

But they have more hair on their chests than I do, so maybe there's a certain maximum number of hairs that men can have, say 10 million or maybe 100 million, I've never counted, and what I give up in the chest department to them I gain in the head department.

And, for those who are asking, I am obviously not counting other areas of the body in this post.

But what I am finding is that as I notice my hairline receding and the bald spot on the top of head getting bigger and bigger, I wonder if that hair isn't simply falling on to my face while I sleep and reattaching itself to my inner ears, my eyebrows and the interior of my nose.

I understand that this is part of the quirky male aging process, the same as my chest and shoulder muscles seemingly migrating to my midriff, apparently beyond my control, no matter what I do or don't do.

Here are some examples of middle-aged men's facial hair gone wild:

Clearly, these images are illustrating something I don't want to become. However, I have noticed a rogue white hair growing in the eyebrow above my right eye. I constantly cut it with scissors but it keeps coming back.

And seeing as I'm too much of a wussy to actually yank the hair out (That is SO painful and I want to keep all the hair I can!), it seems I am resigned to living with it. We almost have a relationship now. I would miss it if it died.

I have also noticed long hairs trying to grow out of ears, but I dispose of them fairly quickly along with the ear wax. As far as nose hairs, I cut them often but they just keep growing back thicker and more determined than before.

So while women struggle to deal with sagging breasts, bulging behinds and falling faces, plus the Big M and other minor inconveniences, it's important to note that we men also face our challenges with aging.

I hope we all understand that.


  1. LOL some very funny pics! EWWWWWW @ear-hairs and nasal-hairs!

    I know men have alot of hairy issues...poor blokes. Well hair or not, u r SPECIAL. And trust me when I say that ;-)


  2. You never mentioned back hair, always a fascinating topic in men's hair migration. And at the other end of the age spectrum, th e other day I had to gouge my eyes out after I passed the bathroom and saw my husband teaching my 13 year old son how to shave.

  3. I'm desparately trying not make a truly lame "hair today, gone tomorrow" joke. Damn.

  4. Keshi:

    Let's just be clear: none of those pix are of me.

    I have always considered myself a more highly evolved example of evolution because of my lack of back hair.

    I do, however, realize the time is approaching for me to show my own son how to take a razor to his face.


    I too thought of this cliche as a headline, but it would have been a hair off the mark.

  5. I like bald men. I think they are sexy. As for hair anywhere else...I like it smooth there too. Something about rubbing a man's chest and not getting my fingers tangled that I find attractive.

  6. "So while women struggle to deal with sagging breasts, bulging behinds and falling faces, plus the Big M and other minor inconveniences..."

    "minor inconveniences?" Those are major tragedies!!! Anyway I laughed and laughed when I read your post! Two thoughts. First, people are a conglomerate of hairs, skin cells, fat cells, nails and teeth, along with other's a miracle anyone finds anyone else attractive, even when we are young. That's where the use of alcohol and other mind altering drugs becomes so important. Second, I believe that the single most important cosmetic item that a person should own and use is a nose hair clipper. And always have spare batteries for it.

    I'm done here.

  7. My goodladywife made me 'hip' to the displeasure that the gentler sex experiences upon viewing rogue hairs on men.
    I have been trained to clip, mow or yank every intruder in my ears, nose and back.
    I definitely have to trim my eyebrows or I would have those Andy Rooney/Santa Claus forehead caterpillars.
    Now I always look at male actors on screen and I notice their amazing 'brow work'
    (*Check out Nick Stokes on CSI)

    Luckily I have all of my upstairs hair and I am leaving the silver streaks because Grecian Formula smells like some kind of Printing Press Lubricant.

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  9. Wow, that is some post! Men are as vain females!

    BTW, I like the visuals. Wish those were yours though...:)

    And I added your blog link to mine, about time!

  10. somehow this post scared me...cant imagine nose from ears and nose...its like some squirrel burrowing in!

    But als, there are treatments and so ons...but recent developemtns shows women loves balding or bald men...

  11. undastood sah [saluting]!

  12. Awaiting:

    Must admit I don't really get this thing about bald men, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

    Whatever gets your motor running.


    Of course I was just being a super tease about the things women have to endure, and at greater cost.

    I, of course, refused to buy a nosehair clipper. I just keep cutting the damn things off.

    I know they grow back. But I'd rather have to snip snip than clip clip. Too painful.

    Homo Hairy Man:

    Yes, you are lucky to have that full head of hair and the ability to grow a moustache-beard in seconds.

    If you don't mind, I'll pass on watching Nick Stokes on CSI.

    I thought Grecian Hair Formula was laced with some sort of hormone that attracted females.


    Men aren't nearly as vain as females. It's just when they show it, makes them look like weinies.

    (Those are secretly my visuals. Just don't tell anyone else).

    And thanks for linking!!!

    Ghost apparition man:

    I'm sure many creatures could live inside the hairy orifices that are nose and ears.

    That's why it's so important to spend thousands of dollars per year getting facials and trims and the like if you want to be a true uber-male, like me.

    Again, I say I don't get this thing that women are migrating towards bald men.

    OK, I'm shaving my entire body right now.

  13. Oh sweetums ... stay away from razors on parts other than your face ... 'tis bad enough for us gals who like to smooch on you boys to have to deal with razor burn there ... but to deal with it on other parts ... oh bother!

    suffer through the wax if you must remove it! it only hurts the first time ;}

    by the by ... a well shined bald male head ... oh my, the thrills and spills of it all!!

    (but nothing in the ears - please! - never good to have hair out or on the ears!)

  14. psst


    those hairy chested brothers of yours?

    are they available?

  15. Didn't Barbara Tuchmann write a book on this? "The March of Follicle"?

  16. White Forest:

    Nice to see you again. If a tree falls in the White Forest, does anybody hear?


    Razor burn on any part other than my face is not an option and obviously I was just joshin'.

    I am free and unfettered elsewhere, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.

    Besides, I'd be scared shitless.

    And I still don't get this bald thing...I think it's worth a separate post on its own or at least a survey.

    Pssstt: My brothers both are not much hairier than I am. And they are far, far away.

    One is married and the other is divorced and seeing someone, but I'll send them your way.


    OK Mr. Well-Read, I'm sure there's a joke in there I as a fellow journalist should be getting.

    I'll spend the entire weekend googling...while I pull all my nosehairs out, one by one.

  17. yupper do ... the bald thing is worth its own post

    the appeal of chrome dome blokes is far from rare, but it's probably something you only 'get' if it is to blokes that for appeal you do stare....

    either that or it's all tied to the male/female brain divide

    and wasn't that also supposed to be the subject of your posts?

  18. Psst (again)

    BTW~ do send them over .. and any others you think may well know how to say 'hello' .. I may well be taking interviews....

  19. Lady:

    The male brain post will be a groundbreaking work that will warrant consideration for publication in Psychology Today and the highest British medical journals.

    It'll take me about 10 minutes so I'll post it soon.

    The one on women's apparent attraction to men without hair -- which may be interactive -- is on my list.

    As far as your psst is concerned, now that you're advertising, when do you expect the -- umm -- opening to be available?

    Aug. 28?

  20. My husband is bald...maybe that is where it stems from. :)

  21. While there will be a VIP party celebrating the grand re-opening on augustus 28 ... rest assured ... this Lady is accepting applications now.

    No longer a wet spring chickedee ... this discerning, hot summer chick knows very well the advantages of an early interview when seeking to fill an ~ahem~ opening such as my current vacancy.

  22. Awaiting:

    Well, then...Bald is Beautiful.


    Well, then, I suggest you expand your market reach for candidates by advertising far and wide to fill your opening.

    You might want to include a photograph, benefits and more information about the workplace environment.

    It's a competitive world out there.

    And you might want to spell out qualifications, education, experience and other elements of what you're looking for.

  23. Ghah! That all sounds like so much bother! Couldn't I just wish it all true with one of the candles on the 28th?

    Besides. It all sounds very much like a social experiement my real world alter-ego participated in somewhere over here

  24. Ah yes, Lady, over there.

    I did that too, for some time. It can be a challenging, frustrating experience, but CAN work.

    If you are uninclined to commit yourself to that method, then yes, suggest you wish for it on Aug. 28.

    It will only work if you blow out all 40 candles however.

    You seem to have many suitors such as K9 and, seems to me, someone named Percival.

    I'm sure there are many others in your locale who could be wooed to woo you.

  25. Why, all of a sudden, do I wish I was bald?

  26. Fronty:

    Do not despair. My belief is that, in fact, the great majority of women DO prefer men with hair.

    I am in the process of forming a hypothesis about this through the use of scientific tests.

    I intend to confirm my findings by conducting an informal poll, which I will be releasing within a week, after I post my work entitled The Male Brain.

    Do not shave your head. I think you'll be glad you didn't.

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  28. damn the failure to proof ...

    A cyber Rottie and/or a Dandy
    would be sweet for thoughts gone randy
    but the truth of such a cyber treat
    is it leaves one cyber replete
    but still craving real world candy ...

    And as to my social experiment? It proved how easy it is to lie when one is hid behind a screen ... So yes. It IS frustrating.

    But give me good word. Forty wishes on a birthday cake for a hot new 'hello' might be what it takes

    Oh. And as to some fem's good word on the allure of bald men ... I'd venture it's probably got less to do with the view, but more about the rub it can do ...

    And as such ~full beards and 'staches, and of course the clean goatees, have oft been found, grinning on a fine piece of ....

  29. Lady:

    Ah yes, the real world.

    And so the secret then is not to lie...and as quickly as possible, remove the screen.

    I think I'd better leave your poem alo-en...

  30. I sooo know that! :)



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