The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

August 13, 2006





We all have back doors we looked out of every morning as kids, when we knew nothing but wanted to know everything, where we couldn't know what we'd have to say goodbye to because we were saying hello to everything.

Our lives were about simple things like walking past the same houses and the same people on our way to school, playing the same sports with the same friends, finding out who we were and who we wondered we could be.

Our first fight. Our first kiss. Our first breakup and first broken hearts. Our first jobs. Our first "real jobs." Our first drink. Our first time passing out or throwing up because of that drink.

Our first experience with death. The first time we made love. The first time we got behind the wheel of a car. The first time we voted. For some, seeing our first child born. For some, seeing our first marriage come and go.

We never stop saying hello because we'd die if we did...we need the happiness and challenge and excitement of taking on new things and knowing new people and we have to say hello for that to happen.

But saying hello can bring with it some risk and some pain. And that pain can stay around a long time if you can't say goodbye to it -- not to erase the experience altogether, because it just doesn't happen that way.

But just to accept that it's there, you survived it, you can't change it. And it needs to go, or at least the pain associated with it.

In my experience, it seems that before we can say hello to something or someone new, we have to say goodbye to things or people that in some cases we don't want to let go of.

Who or what do you have to say goodbye to so you can start to say hello again?


  1. Wow. That post really hit a nerve, just as I was having a maudlin afternoon thinking of my Grandma and the place I grew up.

    I'm sure a damn good sob is cartharic though.

  2. Thanks, Cherry. I mean thanks, really. Hope I didn't spoil your Sunday afternoon.

    Not really the kind of post I expect many comments about.

    A bit of feeling and pondering -- and, maybe, a good sob -- might be much more valuable.


  3. Be careful what you say goodbye to. It often comes back to visit anyway.

  4. Fronty: It do, don't it? When you least expect it...

  5. 'alo luvie.

    Damn surprised to pop by only to have my bum getting spanked with the swing of doors ...

    Actually, you and your buddy Front. Ed. are both spot on. Could it's repeat return have something to do with the tie of all those shared secrets.... I dunno

    But I do know I'm listening to the song "80 Grit" over here and very aware that there's a hellow I wanna say, but gettin' stopped by the goodbye I gotta say - again.

    And again.

  6. Maybe it's not as much saying good bye to something as much as reaching an agreement for it to call before it visits.

  7. I like your way of thinking Front. Ed. Any thoughts on how to make it unanimous?

  8. Sorry about them swingin' doors, Lady, t'wasn't me spankin', altho, well, no...

    I couldn't play 80 Grit for some reason, but maybe you're ready for the goodbye and "he" isn't.

    After a while, though, if you've said goodbye enough, that's the end of your responsibility.

    You could still say hello, couldn't you? If you believe you've taken care of the goodbye?

    In fact, maybe saying hello to someone else IS the best way to make the goodbye unanimous.

  9. I imagine saying hello to someone new might make something unanimous. But for him, I doubt it would be the goodbye. He's the sort who waited for his ex - before me - to come home again even tho she left his home to set-up house with the one she said 'hello' to long before she told him 'goodbye'.

    But lets say goodbye that old news and make room for ...
    He-ello!? You suggestin' you might be a spanker? Oh my!

  10. LW:

    Ah, so you're caught...between a rock and a guy who's been in a hard place. Not easy.

    But not your fault. He sounds clingy and maybe rightly so or at least understandably.

    Need, I think, to be sensitive but firm...kinda like a spank on a bare bottom.

    Not my thing, really, but whatever Lola wants...


    I luv that song. I listen to it often.

    This post is just WOW. It struck a cord with me. U have written it really well that it reminded me of all of my FIRST TIMES and the things/ppl I have said Goodbye to - even tho I was forced to do so in some instances.

    My friend Dan..they all died and I was forced to say goodbye to them to start a new and a very changed chapter in my life. I guess deep down I still havent said goodbye to them tho.

    Also there r times that I had to kiss goodbye to my ego, my pride and my stubborness...just to be OK with everyone else.

    **Who or what do you have to say goodbye to so you can start to say hello again?

    Right now? hmmm alot...and Im fretting to do so.

    Great post WW!


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  13. Maybe Lennon and McCartney summed up the whole debate best:

    "You say goodbye and I say hello"

  14. Hey Keshi...

    Sorry to hear abt those people you have lost. With death, obviously, there's no choice...and that's a different challenge.

    And big of you to say goodbye to your own ego at times, same as all of us.

    I think it's when we have to say goodbye to people or things or feelings that we cling to...

    That's the real difficulty.


    Yeah, I thought of that song too, strangely enough.

    "You say yes, I say no
    You say why
    And I say I don't know.

    You say goodbye
    And I say hello, hello."

  15. Great post and great comments. I think after being alive for a bit more than a half-century, I have to work on saying goodbye to dragging all that past around with me. Yes, it's true that the past teaches you but a lot of times it also closes you off to the promise of the future.

    Anyway, love Nickelback and love that song. Thank you, WW!

  16. After thirty years I'm finally saying goodbye to my childhood friend that was taken much too soon.

    It's a slow process...and a painful one because I'm writing about it to get it all out. I'll go view the crime scene photos of her death on Friday. I know that will hurt, but it's something I have to do.

    Saying goodbye is painful. Sometimes it's necessary, most times it's necessary so you can grow.

  17. Having wasted far too much time wondering when I am gonna die I am totally excited about experiencing new things and hopefully 'doing' a few new people before my expiration date.
    What did I just say?

  18. For two years I was lost. Overwhelmed by the responsiblities of raising four children and a strained marriage.

    In order for me to move on and begin saying hello to the newness and fresh discoveries that life has to offer, I had to say goodbye to who I had become.

    I was no longer the bright-eyed, eager optimistic person I once was, for only a thread of that person remained. Realizing that it is never to late to begin, I said goodbye to that person who held such low esteem and said hello to the woman I was destined to be.

    You are your greatest enemy, losing sight of that of which is most important, life, because you can't see past yourself is a true tragedy.

    I am still discovering more of myself and all around me, but it feels good to be able to discover say hello and welcome the possibilities.

  19. Pammy, you are very brave to do what you are doing. If you ever need a shoulder or anything (like WW said to me once)let me know.

    HE, you look forward to "doing" a few new people? Yeah, we all look forward to that!

  20. Carmenzta:

    Having hit that half-century mark myself, I know well of what you speak.

    We've lived long enough that you'd think we'd know better, but that logic doesn't fit.

    Because new things keep coming up all the time, new challenges, new lows.

    And we have to carry that stuff around for a while to let it sink in to where it's going to sit.

    Sometimes, the transition from goodbye to hello ain't an easy one, certainly easier said than done.

    Thank YOU.


    That will take tremendous courage this Friday, and I wonder if you'll have Elizabeth Kubler Ross with you.

    We'll be with you in spirit to give you strength.


    Why am I not surprised that YOU would add levity to the proceedings?

    That's your next post or a future one, I hope: explaining that "waste of time."

    And yes, what DID you just say? Whatever it was, it didn't pass through the A. censor.

    Note Carmenzta's interest.


    Super inspiring.

    Once you left what you had become behind, did you return to being the optimistic person of before?

    You sound very alive. Thanks for sharing your discovery.

  21. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support. I really do.

  22. **I think it's when we have to say goodbye to people or things or feelings that we cling to...

    yep..its too hard.


  23. Yep...I found the original 'Awaiting' lurking in the sahdows of dispair and self-pity.

    I am so happy to have regained myself. Makes life much more fulfilling and exciting.

  24. Awaiting:

    Sorry, never got back to this when I should have. Fantastic to hear, and so good on ya.

    You try on clothes that look real good on the rack, but then you buy 'em and they don't fit.

    Can't return them, so have to just pack them away and go back to what worked before.

    I'm still looking around in dark corners for the rest of what I used to be, but I'm finding little bits and pieces here and there.


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