Ocean Oddities and Other Outlandishness

BETTER THIS...

Diving pelican slams into swimmer's face in Gulf off Florida

TREASURE ISLAND, Fla. (AP) — A swimmer is recovering after a pelican apparently diving for fish slammed into her face off Florida.
Debbie Shoemaker of Toledo, Ohio, was in the water Thursday near St. Petersburg when the pelican's beak opened a gash in her face. She needed 20 stitches. The bird died.
The chief of the St. Petersburg Fire Department says he never heard of a diving pelican colliding with anyone.
An expert surmises the bird was diving for fish and hit Shoemaker by accident.
The 50-year-old woman returned home Friday.

THAN THIS...

What close encounters and other misadventures have YOU had in an ocean?

SUMMER RERUN -- Male Spring Fashion Tips, Part 2

Eds note: This is the first of my summer reruns for 2008. This originally ran May 4, 2007 and is prompted by the arrival, finally, of spring and MJ's comments about socks and sandals. -- WW

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WITH FASHION SHOWS IN MONTREAL, LONDON, PARIS AND OTHER WORLD CAPITALS TO GET TO, WE MUST FINISH THIS.

The final instalment in the spring fashion tips presentation will deal with fallacies about male fashion, particularly those promoted primarily by -- yes, it's true -- females.

Among the most glaring of these is that if men are going to wear sandals, they can only wear them with bare feet.

And that to do otherwise is the sin of fashion sins, punishable by no sex for days.

Or, worse yet, cruel, derisive laughter.

Or, worst of all, no TV sports for days.



However, as proven by the following professional modelling demonstration, socks can and at times should be worn by the fashion-conscious male, particularly when he has cold feet.




And while anklet socks have become the in thing for males as determined by females, there still is a place for high socks on city streets in spring and summer, as shown below.



Another false assumption is that the corduroy suit jacket is past its prime, even in summer. In fact, they are fine worn to work with a t-shirt.

These are indispensable for the man about town.


And a little known secret is that such jackets can also be combined with athletic shorts and either sandals or runners, with or without socks, for the busy man in the workaday world.



One of the most impressive fashion tactics for the man trying to lure a woman is to wear athletic clothing and appear to be a jock, even though he has no business doing so.

And one of the most common recent (though absurd) statements is to wear a baseball cap, backwards. This can work, if done properly.

Note the angle of the hat below and the tuft of hair sticking out the front. These are absolutely necessary for this fashion accessory to have the desired effect.

Failure to adhere to these principles will immediately alert potential babes that you don't have a clue what you're doing.



Other false fashion statements that can trick women include the wearing of tight jogging pants with reflective stripes, even though you've never jogged a day in your life.


And, if you can afford it or can somehow scam one, wearing an actual team jersey will make you a babe magnet of indefinable proportions. You can live like the true pro.

WEATHER WHINE POST NO. 99

WE INTERRUPT THE PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED SPACESHIP ORION SUMMER RERUNS SEASON WITH THIS (BALL-)BREAKING NEWS.

Global weather patterns are beyond repair. Climate change is here. Or, should I say, the appropriate climate change from winter to spring is actually NOT here.

Spring, indeed, has NOT sprung.

Spring, officially, arrived in late March in the Great White North.

But aside from a few days that I wasn't around to experience, no one told Mother Nature or the weather f*ckcasters, who called for 20 C-plus this weekend (that's around 70F for you Americans).

In fact, it appears we're skipping spring and summer altogether. And here's the proof.

Believe me, the picture does not clearly show the depressing reality of what can only be termed a minor snow squall in May. A light but steady snowfall is coming down. The proof is on the ground. Ugh.

Today, anticipating those temperatures the weather f*ckcasters promised, I embarked on what most of us call spring cleaning. And you know what a gargantuan task that is for me.

But I set out on that course with vigour, heartened by the f*ckcast and even considering, later in the day if there was time, going out to a !!!GASP!!! greenhouse to buy some plants that I could nurture through the !!!GASP!!! summer.

In fact, I even bought two $25 coupons from a guy at work whose daughter is selling them to go on a school trip, thinking I'd help her out AND spruce up the approach to my apartment at the same time.

(You'll note the pic below also includes a leaflet for grass fertilizer. I don't know why these companies waste these brochures on apartment dwellers who HAVE no grass to grow, cut or fertilize, but it shows that, REALLY, it IS supposed to be spring in these parts).

So anyway, once HomoDonnEscapeons alerted me to the fact it was snowing outside, I had a look at where I planned to plant these green boys of summer. And this is what it looks like right now.

The summer reruns will begin, as promised...if summer ever arrives.

IT'S TIME FOR SUMMER RERUNS

AS OF MAY 15, I WILL HAVE BEEN BLOGGING FOR TWO YEARS.

I was just a Babe in the Woods then. Heck, I'm still just a Babe in the Woods now!

It's been a lot of fun, but it's surprising, in a way, because in some respects, it seems I've been blogging a lot longer than that.

From my first goofy post titled "An Introduction" on May 15, 2006, to today, May 4, 2008, I've posted 309 times. This will be my 310th.

I'm slowing down. The numbers show it. This is post No. 41 for 2008, well behind my pace at this time for 2006 and 2007, when I finished with 133 and 136.

At this pace, I'll be lucky to finish with 100 for 2008. But that's the way it is. It's not all about numbers, it's about inclination to post and having something new or different to say.

And right now, I'm not feeling a lot of new or different...kind of like all those TV show writers who take time off to recharge their batteries while the networks, instead, regurgitate past episodes.

I've posted about everything from cleaning my fridge and stove to my shaving accidents to socks and sex to mens' spring fashion to the ridiculous world of religion and the antics of Dubya.

I've posted semi-nude pix of the blogger formerly known as Homo Escapeons and our weekly get-togethers and other antics.

I've illustrated, scientifically in ground-breaking fashion, the differences between the male and female brains.

I've written about my love life, such as it is, and about my family, such as they are and as they've allowed. I've ridiculed Paris Hilton and American Idol and America itself, and our shallow existences.

And of course I've posted a lot about my kids and being a single dad.

I've taken breaks but never for very long, because I miss the exchange of thoughts and laughs and feelings with the likes of HE, Andrea, Anna, Ziggi, MJ, Stace & Aidan, Gautami, Awaiting, Menchie, Angel and so many others.

I'm not getting around to other blogs nearly as much as I used to, either. It's about time and priorities, I guess...no offence intended.

I find I'm less interested in the political, religious, wider world of the "War on Terror" and Islam and Barack and Hillary and John McCain and Zimbabwe and more interested in things that are much closer to me.

But that can get a bit tiring too, probably for others more than for me.

So, for the next little while, I'm going to celebrate my two-year anniversary as a blogger by, well, not blogging.

I'm going to take a page from the wacky world of TV...I'm going to resurrect some of my posts from the past two years, posts hopefully some of you haven't read, and run them again, maybe updated, maybe not.

Consider it "summer reruns." Or at least, summer retreads.

Personally, I'm thinking it's going to be a bit of fun. Who knows? I might run new posts mixed in with them, if I'm so inspired from the goings-on in this vast wasteland where winter still seems to be lingering.