The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

May 5, 2008

SUMMER RERUN -- Male Spring Fashion Tips, Part 2

Eds note: This is the first of my summer reruns for 2008. This originally ran May 4, 2007 and is prompted by the arrival, finally, of spring and MJ's comments about socks and sandals. -- WW
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WITH FASHION SHOWS IN MONTREAL, LONDON, PARIS AND OTHER WORLD CAPITALS TO GET TO, WE MUST FINISH THIS.

The final instalment in the spring fashion tips presentation will deal with fallacies about male fashion, particularly those promoted primarily by -- yes, it's true -- females.

Among the most glaring of these is that if men are going to wear sandals, they can only wear them with bare feet.

And that to do otherwise is the sin of fashion sins, punishable by no sex for days.

Or, worse yet, cruel, derisive laughter.

Or, worst of all, no TV sports for days.



However, as proven by the following professional modelling demonstration, socks can and at times should be worn by the fashion-conscious male, particularly when he has cold feet.




And while anklet socks have become the in thing for males as determined by females, there still is a place for high socks on city streets in spring and summer, as shown below.



Another false assumption is that the corduroy suit jacket is past its prime, even in summer. In fact, they are fine worn to work with a t-shirt.

These are indispensable for the man about town.


And a little known secret is that such jackets can also be combined with athletic shorts and either sandals or runners, with or without socks, for the busy man in the workaday world.



One of the most impressive fashion tactics for the man trying to lure a woman is to wear athletic clothing and appear to be a jock, even though he has no business doing so.

And one of the most common recent (though absurd) statements is to wear a baseball cap, backwards. This can work, if done properly.

Note the angle of the hat below and the tuft of hair sticking out the front. These are absolutely necessary for this fashion accessory to have the desired effect.

Failure to adhere to these principles will immediately alert potential babes that you don't have a clue what you're doing.



Other false fashion statements that can trick women include the wearing of tight jogging pants with reflective stripes, even though you've never jogged a day in your life.


And, if you can afford it or can somehow scam one, wearing an actual team jersey will make you a babe magnet of indefinable proportions. You can live like the true pro.

49 comments:

  1. *my eyes! my eyes!* the reflective stripe on the jogging pants hit the light just right when I saw it.

    um...wow...what can I say? forget anna wintour -- she usually does women's fashion anyway. maybe GQ??

    ReplyDelete
  2. Menchie:

    I call them my blogging pants now, not my jogging pants...

    GQ, Anna Wintour -- move over, both! These socks n' sandals are gonna walk right over you!

    (*Clarifies that he doesn't REALLY wear socks with sandals, but has a multi-billion-dollar deal with sock industry to publicly promote that as fashion*)

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  3. I can't decide which look is more you...the jacket worn with shorts or any one of the many socks and sandals ensembles.

    By the way, I'm still reeling over the fact that you think no TV sports for days is worse than no sex for days.

    (**Shakes head and walks away**)

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  4. ay-yi-yi, those are NOT come-to-bed feet! I prefer the mandals WITH socks.

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  5. Okay, that’s it. I’m sending your offensive socks with sandals photographs here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wheeeeeeeze, wheeeeeeeze... coff, coff, wheeeeeeeze...
    again dude...
    wheeeeeeeze...
    where's the inhaler warning?!?! i'm already natt;ing a bit of bronchitis...
    wheeeeeeeze, coff...
    and where's the women's spring line i asked about? i just love the upside down camera action! and you know, i coulda sworn the only people to wear socks and sandles...
    wheeeeeeeze...
    were german and swedish tourists in good ol' south africa!
    coff!

    ReplyDelete
  7. i mean "battling" a bit of bronchitis... the tears of laughter are blurring my vision!
    coff...

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  8. WHAT?! After these last two babe-magnet posts I logged onto these comments to be entertained by numerous offers of dates from the likes of BigBoobs69 and HotTamalesWithBootySauce. Someone must've put the BabeBlocker on your blog.

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  9. I think I can honestly say these pictures certainly had an effect on me whether it was the desired one is subjective anyway - those feet will be with me longer than I would probably wish though

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  10. Laurie:

    Personally, I'd say it would be the jacket worn with shorts, socks AND sandals. Add a backwards baseball cap and I'd be rarin' to go.

    My tongue-in-cheek reference to sex, derisive laughter and TV was intended to burst the bubble, to maim the myth, that all men care about is sex.

    We all know that's not technically true.

    ---

    OK, it's true (*Runs to change text in blog post*)

    Carmenzta:

    Ooooohhhh, a fatal shot to the heart (and to my toes)! What's wrong with my bare feet?

    Would a pedicure help?

    MJ:

    Oh, please do! I WANT to be famous! Remember, this is all in the name of male fashion.

    Angel:

    Do we need to call an ambulance? Better wipe that stuff off your computer screen...

    I have neither German nor Swedish blood in me, I'm French and Irish through and through.

    As stated in the intros for both fashion posts, this was all about malewear.

    We are not qualified to discuss female fashions other than in the role of observer, but we'd start with low-cut tops and abolish high heels...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Andrea:

    Yeah, I've been surprised by the lack of such offers too :-(

    However, I keep telling myself that these posts were aimed at my male readers -- all three of them -- and to attract other men to my blog with news that they can use.

    Instead, much to my chagrin, I am getting snide comments about my feet and fashion sense from women who are married with 2.7 kids, for the most part.

    Such is the fate of the fashion mogul with a flair for what men need -- and what women want.

    (*Cringes and laughs*)

    Ziggi:

    Again, I ask: WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY FEET! Women -- particularly witches -- are so finicky nowadays...

    ReplyDelete
  12. ... for a change I'm speechless. Where do you come up with this? Oh, I know, you've been working with that fashion consultant you mentioned the other week, right?

    If one had to choose, I'd take the blogging pants over the socks w. sandals any day.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bibi:

    Simple: Stupid idea + dinky digital camera=blog post!!!

    Did I mention a fashion consultant the other week? Come on, I can't even remember what happened 10 minutes ago!

    Yes, the blogging pants are quite practical. If the power goes out in my apartment at night, I can see where my legs are.

    I still don't get the rabid female backlash over socks and sandals, however...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Take those socks off now!!! Thanks for the laugh-I needed it!
    Well,I was laughing until I had to sign up for a google account to post here!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Laura:

    But the socks MAKE the man...and it's the focus of our whole spring fashion strategy...

    ReplyDelete
  16. This stunning display of fashion violations can only be interpreted as a desperate cry for help!

    While I am thankful that I am not in possession of your gargantuan appetite for ridicule, this reflects poorly on all men and it must stop.

    Please spend the rest of the weekend in front of the TV watching What NOT To Wear and go out and purchase a GQ magazine.

    This pathetic behavior has now officially reached the point where I almost wished that you'd do another messy fridge post!

    White tube socks can only be worn by the NBA players from the 70s for whom they were invented! Beige corduroy jackets may be worn by Philosophy Profs and Government Clerks who do not deal with the general public! Shiny shorts are to be worn exclusively by Hookers in rollerblades!

    You have a fireplace. Use it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. ww -you, I have to say, are a rather scary man -hahaha.

    That thing about tricking women -reminds me of Albert Brooks in the movie Mother(with Debbie Reynolds). His mother wanted him to buy some new clothes but he said that he didn't want to fool anyone into liking him. And there was some discussion about crappy shoes as well. Ever seen that movie?

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  18. We need to talk. You really do need help, and that's ok. There's nothing wrong with that. So just put away the philosophy professor jacket and the shiny shorts and I may just let you keep the cap. Don't worry, it won't hurt - I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, by the way... Happy birthday to the lovely Mon!

    ReplyDelete
  20. HE:

    Hey, Homely Etcetera, see my avatar? And pick up next month's GQ -- all this will be in there.

    Another fridge post is on its way...just for you.

    Lee:

    Yes, I'm exceptionally scary...but no, never saw that movie...

    Anna:

    The cap is the most dispensable item from among that list of Fashion Do's, although it does hide my bald spot...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Stick with the green carnation.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Happy brithday to Monica.


    When is the frangrence being released... Within Without, Pour Homme.

    jacket and shorts is never a goof look, High school i was forced to wear a Blazer (like a suit jacket), with Shorts, however the jacket was a sizze too big and covered the shorts it always looked like i was going comando under the jacket:)

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  23. I was all with you until the blazer and sport shorts shot. Yeah...kinda hurt my eyes...being all fashion forward and all.

    Could have at least paired the blazer with skin tight biker shorts.

    Just saying! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dinahmow:

    I'll have to consult my pop culture expert, HE, to determine what the significance of green carnation is...

    Aidan:

    Hope your dad's doing OK, Mate. I'll get by soon to see if you've updated on him.

    Yeah, I like the sound of that, my own men's fragrance line, Within Without Pour Homme.

    A combination of stinky socks, tomatoes that have gone bad in the deep recesses of my fridge and other ingredients I can't disclose.

    Thanks for defending the shorts and blazer look. Everyone's scorning me for it, but you watch, in a month everybody will be wearing them.

    Please keep your images of going commando between you and Stace.

    Awaiting:

    You're returned, but you're still upside down. I thought moving might have changed that.

    I'm sorry to inform you, but skin tight biker shorts are SO passe now. Shorts and blazers are in, in, in...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oscar Wilde sported a green carnation.

    ReplyDelete
  26. It's news to me that there are colours worth wearing that aren't black or dark blue.

    I remember back in highschool we had one teacher who always, no matter the weather, wore shorts and knee-high socks, and I think he even wore sandals with that combo. We laughed at him just like I'm laughing at you now! :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. 3.5 Billion years of Evolution and here we are talking about your awful wardrobe ((sigh))
    we are doomed?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dinahmow:

    Oh. OK. Thanks. I'll know next time...

    Stace:

    Oh, really! What was his name? And were they Bermuda shorts, I hope?

    Homogenized Egghead:

    All right already! Geez, a guy can't even have a little fun! I need to watch some Monty Python, I think, I've got Bloggers' Brain.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I do not like socks with sandals...it's not you, personally.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Gautami:

    Hint: I don't wear sandals with socks either. This was a joke...

    ReplyDelete
  31. Just because you don't arrested for it, doesn't make it right!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Stace:

    Are you KIDDING? All the cops wear sandals and socks themselves! How could they arrest me?

    :-)

    ***Disclaimer: WW does not actually wear socks with sandals. It is hazardous to one's health.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I have no comment the second time around. I just wanted to share this tidbit: that is my favourite Fleetwood Mac song. It moves me somehow.

    ReplyDelete
  34. That's the final straw.

    I am boycotting this blog.

    Goodbye. It was fun while it lasted.

    ReplyDelete
  35. My Word..
    how utterly ghastly!

    Let us hope that you have learned your lesson.
    HA there is your old avatar that required an electron microscope to decipher it's contents..which could be measured in angstroms...I can almost make out the flkr logo..
    Good One.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am sick of drooling from so far away..

    LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  37. What does donnnnnnnnnnnnnnn know about fashion?!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anna:

    What!? NO COMMENT? Aww, just a visit by you is good enough...

    I love that song too. :-)

    MJ:

    Oh noooooooooooooooooooo!!! (Remember Mr. Bill?)

    I'll entice you back. I'll come up with a new fashion line that will not include socks and sandals.

    What about socks and my Perry Como slippers, plus an old natty terry cloth robe with my initials embroidered on them?

    Donn:

    Yep, that was a great avatar, wasn't it? Maybe I'll go back to it for a little while...

    So my true goal here is to resurrect every single post I ever did and get it up to 40 comments.

    Thanks for aiding in the effort.

    Gautami:

    Drooling? I thought you once said socks and sandals wasn't "me."

    Donn knows nothing about fashion. Well, except for old farts shaped like fire hydrants.

    ReplyDelete
  39. If you picture yourself with a pipe, wearing the Perry Como slippers, I may reconsider.

    Donn knows nothing of fashion?

    He looked pretty good in that beach towel if you ask me.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Add those penguin pants to the Perry Como slippers and pipe, and you'll have THE look! Maybe even top it off with that corduroy jacket. ((eeewwww?))

    This is comment #40 for ya! Time for the next installment of reruns.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Okay, here's the scenario.

    I wanna photo of you and Donn sitting around a grotto.

    You in the pipe and Perry Como slippers and Donn in a smoking jacket.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I think a female can change her mind in a year or two!

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  43. MJ:

    OK, but I'll need to find a pipe. And Donn is definitely NOT a fashion mogul like I am.

    Uhhh...WHAT beach towel?

    Ponygirl:

    I've, uh, sort of handed down the green penguin pajama pants to my son, but don't tell my daughter.

    And corduroy, actually, is out this season. But I'll come up with something.

    Yep, passed 40 now. Time for another rerun or something new, we'll see.

    MJ:

    Hmmm, a grotto. I'll have to search for one. Or do you mean the dark cave in my other room?

    Do we get bonus points if I can fly Hugh up for the photo shoot, with a couple of girls?

    Gautami:

    Oh, so now you LIKE the sandals and socks?

    ReplyDelete
  44. *Note to self: buy new sandals; buy corduroy suit jacket to match the shiny pants in the closet*

    So, is the snow is finally gone?

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  45. :) smiling....... thats all I can do LMRSSO....

    x

    ReplyDelete
  46. Eroswings:

    Good fashion choices. The snow IS gone, but it's still unseasonably cold. Did you go to Jenn's wedding?

    Toasty:

    Keep getting weller!

    ReplyDelete
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