Elections are nothing but bullshit erections

As if all of the world and especially Canada wasn't captivated by the American election in November and that whole circus, now our doofus prime minister is going to call his own election for Oct. 14.

Along with basically the entire human race on the planet, I've railed against Bush forever.

He's a dink of the highest degree, and he knows it, the world knows it, and I bet there's never been so many parodies of a political leader in all of recorded history. He deserves much worse, but it will never happen.

The ultra-right religious establishment and the military complex that he exclusively served for the past eight years will never allow him to face the absolute derision he and his administration deserve.

War on Terror? RIGHT! Texas should refuse him re-entry. But that won't occur.

He will just disappear into history as another total idiot Americans elected who completely fucked up the world and made America out to be much worse than it really is, a nation that standouts like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King made great.

Anyway, now we're faced with either Obama or McCain. If the Americans elect yet another frickin' Reflublican in McCain, then they deserve everything they get. And the world will have to pay the price.

But over here in a tiny corner of the planet, despite its geographic enormity, lies another democracy. Of course, we're the mouse to the U.S. elephant on our southern doorstep. We're Canada.

And I apologize for us in advance. Because I have always held that we are, politically, much smarter than Americans. And I don't mean that as an insult to individual Americans.

But we are much less influenced by stupid religion power bases and private interests.

We have usually been liberals at heart and our greatest accomplishments, I would argue, have occurred when we have elected Liberal governments. That's when we have most resisted being the U.S. puppets that we have become.

That's when we have truly been a nation, a people, of substantiveness.

We are that no more.

Our peevish, polished and prima donna prime minister, Stephen Harper, was a whipping boy of a right-wing, Alberta-hatched political group called the Reform party, which dissipated because Canadians wouldn't accept its extreme views.

He went off and led a private right-wing think tank organization and then, somehow, managed to meld into a damaged and defeated Progressive Conservative party of Canada, which has been around since Day 1.

He won the leadership of that historic party, which has always been the counter-movement from the liberal party, similar to the Reflublicans and the Democrats in the U.S.

And then, because the Liberals here had been through their own scandals and because they elected a French-Canadian leader whose main issue is the environment, the Conservatives under Harper won a minority government.

Of course, it has not worked. Harper's government, without the support of the majority of Canadians in Parliament or among the voting public, has been rendered impotent. But they brought that on themselves.

Harper is, at best, plastic. He's like the teflon frying pan we all buy, coated with some exterior chemical that's supposed to protect the product.

But it wears down after a while, of course, and when you heat it up, eventually the true value of the product is put to the test. He and his government are shallow. They're shallow, they're unpopular, people can see through his lack of depth.

A recent poll suggested Canadians don't want our troops to be fighting in Afghanistan. We want our troops around the world to be peacekeepers, to be helping people overcome the tragedies that war and conflict bring.

Not Harper and his cronies. He wants us to be some sort of mini-Americans or something, trying to change the world and repair irreparable situations. We don't want that. He does. He is worse than Bush.

Bush is simply stupid, obviously coloured by the religious right and his unmistakeable interest in helping the oil barons earn more and more and more.

Harper isn't as stupid, but he follows the stupid like an automaton, so that would have to make him MORE stupid. As a Canadian, I'm embarrassed and shamed by our political choices out there right now.

My god, I'm caught in a trap, as Elvis would say.

It will be a wasted vote, but I'm thinking the socially left, the New Democrats. They've never had power in our country. But I'm sick of this liberal-conservative crap. There's got to be another alternative.

Where's the Rhino Party?