The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

June 7, 2008

Big Brown Bullshit, bacon and Barack


Big Brown, a 1-4 super hyped super favourite to win horse-racing's triple crown, went to the post at the Belmont Stakes Saturday, just as I was making my son his favourite meal: egg and bacon muffins.

Because of the mass media's super need to hype the crap out of absolutely everything, analysing this animal's breeding stock and so many other almost human traits, well, you KNEW there was no way that this horse, Big Brown, was NOT going to win, right?

It was a Big Bag of Big Brown Wind, as it turns out. But I didn't know that at the time.

Because of the unbelievable hype leading up to the Belmont, I felt like if I had the chance, I should try to watch the race.

But given that I had just finished my work for the day, I asked my son what he wanted to eat. He hasn't felt good this weekend and hasn't eaten a lot. So he asked for one of his faves, the bacon, egg and cheese muffins.

The only problem was, they decided to start the Belmont in New York just as I was making my son's meal. And I have a tendency to overcook eggs. Doh! NOW what do I do?

Before I could consider the options I didn't have, I heard that famous call:


"Big Brown is in the first group of horses as they round the first turn..." -- I could hear the commentator say this, so I ran into the living room to see it.

But there was something else calling me too...I had to turn my son's eggs over, so back into the kitchen I ran!

Over went the eggs and I turned down the heat while galloping to the toaster. In there went the muffins. Out of the fridge came the cheese slices. Back into the living room I scurried.

They're in the back-stretch...Big Brown is still in contention, but the super equine wasn't being super dominant.

He wasn't living up to all those ridiculous expectations the entire horse-racing world had blathered on about for weeks. As they're heading for the final turn, he's losing ground.

But back to those eggs.

As Big Brown falls to last in the field and all those millions of dollars are lost or gained in a "sport" that's about nothing other than gambling on animals that are pumped up with drugs, my eggs are over, easy.

The muffins are toasted. I slip the eggs on top of them, then the cheese, then the bacon, then the top slice of muffin.

In the background, I can hear the huge crowd at Belmont watching Big Brown become a Big Bust, finishing dead last, uncontrolled by all the false expectations placed upon him by the money establishment.

Supposedly, had he won, he'd be worth $100 million as a stud, his bloodlines to be passed on and millionaires' hopes and bank accounts raised over generations in what is called, appropriately, the Sport of Kings.

It's unlikely Big Brown will become just another racehorse sent to slaughter. But neither is he likely to ever command $100 million as a semen-producing pot of gold for his owners.

This whole episode brought to mind another recent horse-race, incredibly over-hyped and hampered by poisoned people on either side.

The dark horse (no pun intended), predictably won that race too.

But for all this discussion about pre-race favourites and ridiculous expectations, all my son cared about on Saturday was his two bacon-egg muffins.

He got 'em, and the eggs weren't overcooked.

Some races are just more important than others. And they're free.


  1. Not for me, no! You always refuse whatever I ask.:(

    Tell me, what have I NOT got, that others have?

    *with tears pouring down my cheeks*

  2. Bad man make Guatami cry.

  3. Gautami:





    OHHHH! You want the doll! Sorry, I forgot. It's not mine to anyone.

    What else have I refused?

    As I recall, I posted about horse-racing and making egg and bacon muffins.

    I haven't refused to make you some, but you never asked. Besides, they might be cold and crumbly by the time they get to Delhi.

  4. Exciting narrative! Even better, that eggs, bacon, and cheese muffin looks really good!

    Your newspaper is awesome printing a pink edition and sharing the profits!

  5. I had to put my 2 cents in on Hillary too...
    now she needs to write her memoir and try to get back the millions of dollars that she wasted trying to convince Democrats that she was Sally Field and people really really like her.

    For gawdsake get the doll back and give it to Gautami.. NOW!

  6. Great blog post and comments, written before the Belmont here:
    I'm about finished with horse racing. It 'started' for me on Belmont day 1973. I actually saw the (televised) most spectacular performance by a racehorse ever when it happened. 35 years later, looking at the losers surrounding Big Brown and the vomit-indcing hype, I'm finally giving up on the sport. Jim McKay, who was there in 1973, had the good taste to kick the bucket a few hours before yesterday's non-event.

  7. Eroswings:

    Well, that isn't the REAL picture of the eggs-bacon thingy, but it's close enough.

    Now I feel like having one or two myself...


    But of course you put in your 2 cents...

    Yes, obviously she'll write her memoirs in which, who knows, she might tell the world just how much of an ass her husband was...

    I'm still convinced she might have beaten Obama if she had just decided to be a woman.

    Instead, she tried to kick him in the balls with as many low-blow attacks as she could muster.

    Bad form.

    And I will NOT give up that doll to Gautami or anyone else!!!


    What? Someone actually responded to what the post was about, in largest measure?

    Should I even bring up fox hunting, barrel racing, chuckwagon racing, dog shows or any other so-called sports that use animals?

  8. I wonder how much the odds makers in Vegas lost on Hillary?

    Prolly not much since it was mathematically impossible for her to win UNLESS she somehow convinced the Democratic Committee to change the rules!

    Horse racing is ridiculous but if you have more money than brains, it's more 'fun' to have a racehorse than to just put your money in a brown paper bag and light it on fire.

    The whole point of having too much money is to show it off and make others envious...
    uber rich people are in a race of their own, to see who can die with the most crap...and they're OFF!

  9. You're making me hungry. That muffin looks really good.

    We have the Melbourne Cup to get hyped up over. Whilst I don't really care too much for horse-racing or gambling, the Melbourne Cup is a bit of fun (plus a public holiday in Melbourne). The year before last, my entire office (working on the holiday due to having interstate dealings) got off the phone and listened to the race. All you could hear was the radio, nobody even breathed or dropped a pin! I'd bet on a horse which made a place, and I made a grand total of $1. It's all good fun, until you start taking it seriously.

  10. Donnnnnnn:

    Well if the uber rich are in a race of their own, how's about we pump them full of drugs and ride them around a track?


    I hope you put that $1 away for good luck!


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