The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

January 14, 2008



That's right, less than two decades.

Yep, by around 2027, at least based on 2005 stats and current health technology, I'll be little more than a pile of ashes inside some little dusty urn in my daughter's or son's attic.

Or wherever they decide to put me.

Here's the briefest of details on the story:

Average age at death rising in Canada: StatsCan
Updated Mon. Jan. 14 2008 10:11 AM ET News Staff
THE average age at death for Canadians is rising and the gap in the annual number of deaths between men and women is narrowing, reports Statistics Canada. In 2005, the average age at death for the overall population was 74.2 years.
The average varied widely across Canada, peaking at 75.6 years in Prince Edward Island. The lowest was Nunavut, with an average of just 47.8 years. (Manitoba came out at 74.6 overall; males 71.6, females 77.6).
In 2005, a total of 230,132 people died in Canada, up 1.6 per cent from 2004 -- the fastest annual increase since 2002. The long-term upward trend continues in the wake of a growing and aging population, says StatsCan.

So if I'm 52.2 years old now, I'll live another 19.4 years by my calculations (based on a 71.6-year lifespan), which would bring me to death's door (in 2005 numbers, remember) sometime in April of 2027.

Maybe they'll be jettisoning our corpses into outer space by then. Perhaps they'll come up with some brilliant health-care advances that will be able to extend my existence.

Or maybe they'll put my body into deep-freeze and bring me back to life a few hundred years later, when such technology exists. Or, possibly, they could extract DNA from me and clone me every 71.6 years in perpetuity.

Or...maybe not.


  1. Perhaps you'll live on in the memories of those who loved you, just like every person who's died since the very dawn of man. That'd be nice.

  2. I thought that was great news until I read the fine print...

    The only Canadians who live that long exercise every day for atleast 20 minutes, have a healthy diet, don't smoke or drink more than 5 glasses of red wine per week, enjoy rewarding stress free careers, are happily married, and have fantastic DNA.

    You and I shouldn't plan anything past June.

  3. You jogged my memory -something I posted over at my place once upon a time - you'll just have to move ;). Yes, of course i'm only stirring.

    Aussies among world's longest living
    Monday Jul 9 07:51 AEST

    Australia has one of the highest life expectancies in the world, according to a new United Nations report.

    The State of the World Population 2007 report prepared by the United Nations Population Fund reveals Australian women live to 83.4 years on average and men to 78.4 years.

    This is higher than the average life expectancy of what the report terms "more developed regions", which stands at 79.8 years for women and 72.5 years for men.

    The average life expectancy across the globe is 68.6 years for women and 64.2 years for men.

    Of the 153 countries listed, only two had higher life expectancies than Australia for both genders.

    In Hong Kong, men can expect to live to 79.2 years and women to 85.1 years while in Japan women survive for 86.3 years and men for 79.1 years.

    There's no way you'll drop off the face of the planet in 19.4 years -you wouldn't want to give your kids the satisfaction ;).No doubt you'll still be here blogging away :).

  4. Ok, so you live a little below 20 years more. What do you plan to do in that period of time?

  5. Stace:

    Actually, I expect I'll live considerably longer than the average I cited. Both my parents have already exceeded that.

    And this was partly done with tongue in cheek. I don't fear death -- IT fears ME!

    But thanks for your sentiments. I guess that's what we'd all hope for, huh?

    (**It was only mere coincidence that this post followed on the heels of our discussion about how OLD I am!**)


    Ha ha ha! Right! I'm trying to eliminate some of those pesky bad habits/situations as we speak...


    Only if you pay the expenses ;-)

    I'm not sure I'll still be blogging, but yeah, I expect I'll be around a lot longer than the average.

    (**Everybody knows the UN doesn't know what it's talking about; however, must be all that mild weather you get in Oz**)

  6. Gautami:

    Ha! Good question. I'll have to make out a list. But right now, I have to drive into work!

  7. Are you and HE going to be buried side by side?

    Please consider it as it will save me time going from cemetery to cemetery.

  8. You could have yourself a regular little adventure a la Woody Allen in "Sleeper"

  9. mj,
    I can emphatically state for the record that WW ain't burying anything near me!

  10. 77.6 does seem rather young, to me. I mean, my mothers parents are both already in their 80's and my dad's father is 94. My own parents are in their late 50's and still seem to be going strong. I just can't see them, or you, popping off in the next 20 years.

    By the way, Aidan and I have more or less decided we're going to Canada, maybe in a year or so. You and HE better still be there! hehe

  11. MJ:

    God, I hope not!

    My plan is to be cremated, I dunno about him.

    If we were buried next to each other, I'd have to feed him drinks, pickled pepper rings and cans of smoked oysters.

    And I'm not sure I could stand the jokes, to be honest.

    Tell you what...I'll have some of my ashes sent to you. You can go out on English Bay, spread a few into the ocean and save some as a keepsake.


    Ha! Brilliant idea!!! I even look like Woody! I had to go to Wikipedia to refresh my memory!

    Why can't they have Orgasmatrons in 2008?


    I second that motion! But I also point out, who stripped to nothing at my place once and hid their wee-wee behind my Pipe Dreams '84 painting?


    Did you see Toy Story?

    To infinity...AND BEYOND!!!

    I don't think I plan to emigrate to Australia despite Lee's invite, so yeah, I'll be here and suspect HE will be too.

    You'll have to be certain to consult us two travel experts about how to plan your trip.

    We should set up an IM conference at some point once you get settled in Canberra with the Old Man.

    And surely you would come in our summertime...

  12. I think I like Homo's idea of not planning anything beyond this June.

    As for me, I'm aiming for May. Or next Saturday. Whichever comes first.

  13. Stress, being the huge killer that it is, can definitely be reduced by smoking pot. That said, I bet British Columbians love longer than most...

  14. Pamela:

    Yes, HE may be right. But then he's always had this fear of dying (or flying). Still, June could be it.

    Hang on! You'll make it well past Saturday, May and thereafter.


    Been tootin' a bit urself tonight, Love? As in, was that a Freudian West Coast Slip, that British Columbians LOVE longer than most?

    Hey...and are you supposed to be sleeping?

  15. Knowing Aidan, he'll probably want to come in your wintertime. He's a bit psychotic that way ;) But I'll try to make sure it'll be summer. Summer is July for you people, right? That's so weird.

  16. 20 years is quite a long time when you think about it. But still quite a morbid thought for me. I'd like to believe i'll live forever. :D

  17. I'll roll your ashes up in a joint and smoke your remains.

    Didn't Keith Richards snort his dead dad?

  18. stace,
    You'd LOVE Winter. Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to live on Pluto? Which by the way is even colder than Uranus...
    and no longer considered a real Planet.

  19. Stace:

    This place is inhabitable for human beens other than Canajuns from May-October, I would say.

    But the heat of summer, when most of the neat goings-on associated with summer are going on, is July-August.

    Slap Aidan a few times and tell him to forget winter. You two will never leave because you'll be frozen solid.

    And promise me you won't call it Canader.


    I guess it all depends on your terms of reference and how long you've already been alive.

    My daughter is 19. So if I was to die 19.4 years from now, that would feel like not a long time from now.



    Ewww, I wonder how I'd taste? (*Stifles urge to say anything more*)


    Hey, should I set up a little Table for Two over in the corner for you two?

    And HE, aren't you getting a little personal there?

  20. You know, you can move to Saskatchewan and gain a whole year.

    According to that article, I should kick the bucket sometime in March 2048.

    I like MJ's idea of rolling you up and smoking you.

  21. I wouldn't dream of calling it Canader... it's Canadia! ;)

  22. Stace: Also known as Canuckistan.

  23. Anna:

    Or I could move to Nunavut and already be in my afterlife by about five years.

    I wonder if I'd just spontaneously combust in the plane (or dogsled) before I even got to Iqualuit?

    At least you'll almost reach the mid-21st century.

    And unless I have my ashes split up, I don't know how you both can smoke me. But, be my guests. :-)


    I'm not sure I've ever heard an Aussie say the word "Canada." I've heard some Brits call it Canader.

    But if you like Canadia, go crazy!

    I suppose you pronounce your own country as Awe-STRILE-yuh then? We pronounce it Aww-STRALE-yuh.


    Only you call it Canucklestan. It's an MJism.

  24. Oops, I mean Canuckistan.


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