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IF YOU EVER WANT TO SAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, TAKE A FLYER.
Because the flyers I receive in my mailbox every day, well, that's what they purport to do, right?
A real estate agent is going to sell your house in 10 minutes. A car dealership is going to give you a car for $0 down and $0 per month for the rest of your life.
We're in the middle of a provincial election campaign now, so the political candidates are promising to put more money into health, crime-fighting and fixing roads.
Ha!
Recently, I was going to save my life simply by turning to some religious nut-case guy, based on this flyer I received. Unfortunately, it turned out I had to work that weekend.
So I could not save my life that weekend.
So in the meantime, I've been going to the grocery store checking out cantaloupes and the like, waiting for another life-saving opportunity to come knocking.
And, of course, it has.
So this weekend, I'm off to become the next "Rich Dad." I'm off to fast-track my life and become so filthy rich that I can hire someone to blog for me.
If you never hear from me again, it's because I've bought a yacht and am now living somewhere off the Bahamas. And my life, magically, will have been truly saved.
All because I took a flyer.
Cantaloupes? I'd have guessed you a honeydew melon kind of guy... ;-)
ReplyDeleteFYI, today I received flyers for a tool sale (held at the local county fair barn) and a religious revival (held at the Baptist church).
Your flyers sound a lot more interesting than mine.
I've seen the suggestive way in which you squeeze cantaloupes.
ReplyDeleteLaurie:
ReplyDeleteCantaloupes, honeydew melon...in the right circumstance, they all can be tasty and ripe for the picking...
Did you attend the tool sale, then?
MJ:
When have you seen THAT? Maybe I was drunker than I thought...:-)
Flyers for everything now a days-invariably a waste of paper and bad for the environment!
ReplyDeleteLaura
The last pamphlet/flyer/propaganda I read was given to me by the Jehovas Witnesses. Having lived a significant portion of my life in the bush, I've never had a visit from them before, and it was quite novel. I didn't ask them in, or invite them to stay and talk, but I did take their magazine and I read it. OH MY GOD (no humour intended), if believing flyers saves lives, I'd rather die. It was all very gentle, insidious, but the implication was that we should all go back to living in the dark ages!
ReplyDeleteNo more flyers for this little Stace. That one scared me enough.
Our last panphlet saving campaign, (ie i collected all the junk that came for a week) ended up with 2 kg of flyers!!!!
ReplyDeleteJunk mail comes to me to die.
MAkes you wonder if they are so rich why do they waste their time handing out pamphlets?
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ReplyDeleteFlyers aren't too common here because text messaging is a lot cheaper.
ReplyDeleteYesterday I got a text message saying I won a brand new pick-up plus 300K in cash but I can get it only if I pay 23,000++ for the insurance to ship the car. Apparently, this was in the news and a lot of people were taken in.
Of course I went to the tool sale. Do you need a set of metric wrenches or a miter saw? ;-)
ReplyDeleteLaura:
ReplyDeleteI can see you're a dark shade of green...but you're right.
Stace:
Not that I'd know first-hand but if you had invited them in, you'd be on some New York street corner with your head shaved and handing out pamphlets yourself.
Aidan:
Exactly. They all want money, but they've got the money to print the kinds of things they print?
I guess the philosophy is you've got to spend money get make money...and gather wayward souls.
Menchie:
Oh, well then email me that text message. Sounds like a good deal to me! (And some people got rooked, huh?)
Laurie:
Well you Amuricans certainly don't need metric wrenches, so yeah, send that up here.
I've always got a screw loose somewhere...
C'mon as a Newsie you know full well that the entire world runs on advertising...without it there wouldn't be any Papers, Magazines, TV Shows and all that we'd be left with are Books and PBS...that sounds awesome.
ReplyDeleteHollywood Accountants can spend $60 million advertising a movie that cost $60 million to make?
So if it makes $120 Million at the Box Office whoopdefrickindoo!
Tell the Companies who actually listen to Ad Agencies that you would NEVER buy anything because of a Flyer...I watched a few comedies tonight, I LOVE Tina Fey on 30 Rock/The Office and My Name is Earl..anyway I'll bet that I muted atleast 30 Car Ads in that hour and a half!
btw our avatars are a form of advertising, so are our Blog titles, profile, photos, music clip, font, template...
this comment is advertising..
we are the advertising ape.
I rest my case.
Holy Entrapment:
ReplyDeleteWell Poo Poo, Gumshoe.
The medium is the message, as famed Canadian Marshall McLuhan once said.
The point of this wasn't the medium, you twiddle twaddle, it was the message.
Everybody has something to sell, and flyers are one way they try to do it.
But the first one was all about saving lost souls through some homemade religion.
The second one was saving people from the daily work grind through another get-rich quick scheme.
Both are doomed to fail, because life isn't like that.
This isn't advertising, it's the worst kind of snake-oil hoodedoo claptrap.
I agree about advertising much the way you describe it. But this, to me, is another class of stupidity yet.
I know you are but what am I
ReplyDeleteINFINITY!!!
are you rich yet?
ReplyDeleteso you're telling me i should actually read some of my junk mail?
ReplyDeleteat least drop us a pic of your yacht before you weigh anchr...
Want to hire me as your maid for your yacht? I'll wear the frilly outfit, I promise. ;)
ReplyDeleteHE:
ReplyDeleteGreat answer!
Ziggi:
I opted out of the "Rich Dads" scheme, opting instead to spend the weekend with my kids. I'll have to find another way...
Angel:
Oh, everybody should read their junk mail! Just to get a laugh before throwing it in the recycle box.
If I ever get a yacht, I'll post about it...
Anna:
Gulp! See above. At this point, we're sufficing with a leaky canoe. We'll keep your application on file, however.