The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

January 7, 2007

Every Day's a Special Day

I'M SO BEHIND THE TIMES AND SO UNAWARE OF LIFE'S DAILY CELEBRATIONS.

Here I was, just barely squeaking past the Christmas holidays and trying to return to sanity in a new year, and I've already seen Cuddle Up Day pass me by. How could I? Doesn't everyone need cuddles?

Bubble Bath Day is today (Monday, Jan. 8 -- didn't you KNOW?) and it appears, on Sunday night the 7th, that I'm destined to miss that too.

First, I don't have any bubble bath stuff. I mean, I have a bathtub, and I have soap, and I have hot water, but I have no "bubble bath" stuff, whatever you call it.

And I don't have the one ingredient that makes the whole point of having a bubblebath worthwhile -- I don't have anyone to have a bubble bath with.

Oh, the horror! Oh, the pain!
How do I know what I'm missing?
Because Computer-Generated Bob at 123Greetings told me.
He sends me an email once a week telling me about all the "special days" the greeting card industry has invented to get me to spend money for no good reason by buying cards, flowers, diamonds, mansions, whatever.
Now I'm all for celebrating life's special times and intimate moments.
Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day -- they're landmark days that are important to celebrate, whether commercial interests invented them or not.
But read this email from Computer-Generated Bob. And tell me that you don't want to punch him in the nose or kick him in the gonads, if in fact he could have any.
Dear 123Greetings subscriber,
Hey there people ! A New Year, new events, new joys, but all that with your ol` friend Bob right here! So how `bout the celebrations ? I'm sure the wagon is still rollin`!
Me `n my gang are still in party gear. New Year does that to ya. The celebrations are never-ending ! And parties always translate into bingin` on goodies, big time ! So you can imagine, the time me and my gang are having.
We ain't called 'the foodie brigade' for nothing guys ! And with my best bud Kong to help us, there's hardly even a crumb left on the table once we have ploughed our way through it! So while I busy meself with some more non-stop bingin`, you go ahead and check out the events we have in store for ya -

Cuddle Up Day [ Jan 6 ]
Umm, spread your arms wide `n give your loved ones a tight squeeze ! It's January 6th and it's Cuddle Up Day. Time to let all your loved ones know how special they are to you. Hold `em close and let them know how much you care. Send warm and cozy e-cards to all your near and dear ones.

Bubble Bath Day [ Jan 8 ]
Pamper time folks ! January 8th is Bubble Bath Day. Get into the stress free fun mode. Soak yourself in a warm bubble bath and get into the stress bustin` zone ! Think of all the good times you've had with friends `n family, and send e-cards to let `em share in your refreshin` memories !

Dance Day [ Jan 9 ]
Whoa ! This sure is gonna rock you ! January 9th is Dance Day. The last time I remember I hit the dance floor was on New Year's eve, and I thought I was doin` pretty good, when suddenly I found my legs somehow twisted `n before I knew it – Wham ! I was spread-eagled on the dance floor ! While you pack in a good laugh at that, send some funky e-cards and dance your way to fun !

Make Your Dreams Come True Day [ Jan 10 ]
Wakey !!! It's January 10th – Make Your Dreams Come True Day. Follow your dreams. Get, set, go ! And inspire everyone around you to go soarin` too ! Pass around bagsful o` good wishes and fill every heart with the courage to turn dreams into reality by sendin` across some positive thoughts.

Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day [ Jan 11 ]
January 11th is Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day ! Boy ! Reminds me of the time we used to have in grade school, splashing each other ! And the best part o` d deal is that today ya can actually get away with it ! Have a hip-hop-happy day sendin` fun e-cards all the way.

Roller Skating Day [ Jan 12 ]
Come January 12th and glide into some fun – it's Roller Skating Day !Back in high school I really had some cooooool fun skatin` around. 'Ya, until you jammed right into the locker door buddy !' quipped Ron. Ouch ! That was a painful memory. Never mind guys, you go right ahead `n have some rollin` fun times sending our e-cards.
Well that's the end of a new journey guys ! Will be here again with my bag o` goodies all filled to the brim.
Till then,Keep Rocking !Bob.Editor 123GreetingsReceived this newsletter from a friend ? To get them directly in your mailbox click here.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.
By the end of this week, I will have accomplished all my dreams while dancing on rollerskates and splashing everyone I know by jumping in puddles that are non-existent in the Great White North.
And I will have prepared for these life-changing events by hopping in a bubble bath with a non-existent lover, to whom I will have had to email greeting cards celebrating all these activities.
If I end up in hospital due to a broken back from jumping on to a frozen puddle of water and trying to splash somebody, please don't bother sending me flowers.
Just find Bob and the rest of these greeting card weenies.
And drown them in the bubble bath.

11 comments:

  1. I hate designated days! I don't just love my husband on Valentine's day (incidentally, Valentine was some dude who got stoned to death and became a martyr, isn't that romantic?), I call my mother more frequently than on mother's day, and I try not to work only on Labour Day!!!

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  2. Anonymous12:32 AM

    I dont know what you are cribbing about. You always have the option of unsubscribing from their newsletters if you want to .I just checked their site and it seemed to be free and I saw this great feature where you can add their images to Facebook, Myspace and Frienster .I think this is much better that Viagra Spam and other Medicated mails that are sent frequently.At least its better than paid card sites like Americangreetings

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  3. Anonymous1:14 AM

    They'll do anything to get you to send a card these days.

    I am so wanting on a "I-hate-getting-Ecards-and-Cards-in-General-Just-buy-me-a-cadillac-instead Day".

    That being said, I love sending out ecards!

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  4. Who comes up with this stuff???

    Call me old fashioned, but I much prefer tangible cards sent via regular mail over e-cards.

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  5. Anonymous10:03 AM

    Hmmm, the only holiday I had on my calendar for this week was "The Wind is Blowing the Rain Sideways Day" (which is today). I had better contact Bob and get on his mailing list, although knowing my luck Bubble Bath Day is only celebrated in Canada.

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  6. Roller skating day! I can hardly wait!

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  7. Stace:

    Hi Aussie girl!

    Good points, all. So how did Valentine's Day come about, based on what you've said?

    I could Google it or check Wikipedia, but I'm too lazy and want your perspective.

    Anonymous:

    You're right, I have the option to unsubscribe. But you've missed the point. Doesn't this crass commercialization rankle you in the least?

    Don't you ever tire of being bombarded by more demands on your sensibilities?

    Whatever spam it is, it's spam. I sent an e-card, and now they're like leeches or vultures.

    Do we need a special day or week or month to celebrate, 365 days out of the year? Can't we just, hell, live?

    Awaiting:

    You want a Caddie from your Daddy? Good luck, girl.

    And I did receive your E-card at Xmas, thanks.

    Anna:

    I'm witchu on that, but sometimes fail miserably at following through...

    Laurie:

    So the weather's continuing to be bad down Montana way, huh? We won't see a hint of rain til April.

    Blowing sideways or not.

    I suspect Bob is American, Laurie, so I believe you should be eligible for Bubble Bath Day.

    Andrea:

    Do you roller skate? I bet you don't bungee jump or curl though.

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  8. Anonymous6:32 PM

    Today is Bubble Bath Day?!?!!

    What perfecting timing ... the UPS fellow just delivered my special mail order rubber ducky!

    I guess I'll have to run the hot water and load the tub up with oodles of bubbles and luverly scents and bath salts for ducky and me to doubly enjoy - especially considering how I missed out on yesterday's calendar day - and won't be able to partake of 12th having lost my roller-skate key [somebody please cue the old-time fave with the refrain: "I've got a brand new pair of roller skates - You've got a brand new key"]

    Whilst I know it was your intent to rant about commercialized greeting card schmaltz - thanks for the terrif idea for tonight's activities!!

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  9. "You're right, I have the option to unsubscribe. But you've missed the point. Doesn't this crass commercialization rankle you in the least"

    Yes it does and so does the commercials from PESPSI,COKE, AND hundreds of others including the advertisements at Manhattan Billboards.So what do you then ?.. write them endlessly on your blog and show your dislike to others just because you dont like them ? There are hundreds of things I dont like but I do belive everyone has the right to run free enterprise and do their kind of thing unless they dont hurt others.

    "Don't you ever tire of being bombarded by more demands on your sensibilities?"
    Yes I am.I am tired by hearing George Bush and his theory about Weapons of Mass Destruction.At this point I am tired by people talking of Saddams death and the way how Saddams death was a kind of ethnic lynching and I wish they would simply stop watching Youtube and commenting on it ..However I dont bombard Youtube with my comments saying that their User generated content stinks since I know that they have the right to make their kind of enterprise " At this poing to time I am tired by the messiness of Myspace but that does not deter me from having my own blog names myspacezone since I am indeed looking for Myspace Widget traffic at my site .
    "Do we need a special day or week or month to celebrate, 365 days out of the year? Can't we just, hell, live?"
    Sure You can live. No one will force you to consume Coke, buy a hallmark card or gift your Friends a birthday Gift .. Consumerism and Free Enterprise go hand in hand if you have products you are bound to have advertisements .Its entirely upto you if you want to purchase them or not.

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  10. Maybe there should be a designated Wankers Day just for computerbob? No,no-it should be for all spammers! We should send them a special message on Wankers Day!"Happy Wankers Day, ya big wanker!"

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  11. Anonymous3:34 AM

    oh four five six- i get so annoyed when i receive messages like that... i've now missed all of them (okay- its technically still rollerskating day, but i don't have any)... granted- someone to bubblebath with would be fun, and there're plenty of puddles- but why on earth do they have to allocate a specific day to them!?!

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