The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

December 11, 2008

Vegemite Sandwich -- Great White North Style


For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Stace mailed to WW a tube of Australia's famous vegemite at great expense more than a week ago. And the best-laid plans for Donn and WW to get together for a taste test fell through.

Oh, he had a vasectomy or some stupid procedure like that and whined for days about his need for frozen bags of peas and wah-wah-wah. But on Thursday night, the wimp finally made it over here in his winter gear.

Donn: OK I've come for the food downunda, where the women something-something , and the men chunda! Which I know is slang for look out below mate I'm gonna puke!
Now what do you with this stuff?
Do you snort it? Nope.

Maybe you need to heat it up and inject it?

Might have to hot knife this sucker..anyone remember doin' this in HIGH school?

You know this would prolly make a soothing hemorroidal ointment?

Oh Yeaaaaah!
Actually I have some post-vasectomized bits that would dearly love a little TLC..
Yeah BABY! Come to PAPA! Now we're talkin'!
CHRIS: What an arse. Donn's editing me as we go here, but the only use for this stuff is to help minimize the glare as we're gearing up for a game. HE says I look like Adam Ant for whatever reason.
I take no responsibility for his previous comments. But I look way better in this shit.

Donn: "RRRRRRR! You ain't so bad! Yer goin' down CREED!"
Hey maybe we can do some crafty stuff..VEGIART! Wow that looks Vagiant?
OK let's start with the basics..the ubiquitous HAPPY FACE..
and maybe a furry little PUSSY....ah he's so cuuuute.
Ya know this stuff sort of curls know where I'm goin' with this don'tcha?

Hmmm...maybe something uber-Canadian
Like the noble MOOSE and a happy little tree by his side.
CHRIS: OK, we've been putting this off long enough -- the whole point was to actually try this delicacy from Oz. So here we go...enough of this...

Ugh...pungent, but I liked it more than Donnnnnnnnn...

DONN: Oh give it here you Mr. wussy-pants. I'll show you how a real man eats VEGEfrickinMITE!!
Holy CRAP!
OH for the love of GAWD! What the hell is that? It tastes like a mixture of petrol and Platypus Cloaca...Wiki MONOTREMES if you need an explanation.

Oh sh*t..((Rrrrraaaalllppphhhh))CHRIS: OK, if only because Stace is pregnant, I LOVED IT! (Ugh)

DONN: No offence, Stace, but not so much...
You know this might be useful for making repairs?
We could touch up the caulking around the terlet.
This door hinge is kinda squeaky..what the hell WHY NOT?
There that's better.
CHRIS: Well, finally, it happened. Donnnnnnn and I finally got together for the big VEGEMITE NITE.
All we can do is thank the incredible Stace for this opportunity for ("THE SPREAD," Donn says) but I say for this opportunity to experience something truly of Oz. Donnnnnnn and I will come up with something truly Canuckley soon...

Donnnnnnnnn yells "Thanks Stace!!!"


  1. Wow, you guys are more inventive than even Australian school children!!! Well done on all the many and varied uses to which you put my national dish!! ;) I'm glad you finally got around to actually eating some... although I have a feeling the rest of the tube will pass it's use-by date sitting unregarded on a mantelpiece... haha

  2. I love your goofy playfulness. You both had me laughing my ass off.

    So really, what does it taste like?

  3. I'd comment but I'm too busy right-clicking and saving photos.

    And ogling Donn's arse.

  4. Now I know why the pair of you didn't show up to my party.

  5. This is a classic!!!! But listen, after Mr Poopy High Pantz Coppens did unmentionable things with that stuff I can't believe you actually ATE it. You're awesome Canadians. (And what the hell am I doing wishing I lived in Winnipeg in winter for God's sake?)

  6. Stace:

    OK, I confess, we were drinkin' just a wee bit...ya think?

    The post, as promised previously, was all my idea. But of course once HE arrived with his big mouth and fat ass, he took over.

    I was there almost just to record it all for posterity.

    But I do admit to laffin' pretty much for two hours as he came up with all this stuff...

    I'm going to go surfing to find recipes that could, possibly, make this edible. There must be SOME trick.

    Until then, lovely girl, I feel so Down Unda now.

    I think you're a gem for sending this and I DO promise to send you something distinctly Canadian before your baby is born.

    Or becomes an adult.


    Yeah, fun and frivolity and stupidity definitely prevailed on many levels.

    The only thing I could think of that it tasted like was molasses, but with way more pungency.


    But of course you're ogling Donn's arse. Who wouldn't? (BLECCCHHH!)

    What party? How come you didn't show up at mine?


    You have finally described him to a T: "Mr. Poopy High Pantz." He did look like it, didn't he?

    There's plenty of vegemite left in the tube if you want me to send you some.

    Yeah, and see, if you DID live in Winnipeg, you could have been PART OF ALL THIS!

    (Now do you still wonder why I constantly rail against Coppens?)

  7. Anonymous10:02 p.m.

    Oh dear! If any "happy little vegemites" (ask Stace) google their favourite spread...I forsee a politically correct intervention...
    Personally, I like Billy Connolly on the subject: "An American woman said eating Vegemite was like licking a cat's arse.And I thought:how does she know?"
    And now, to round out your day, I have the delectable spread on my morning toast. So there!

  8. Try a toasted cheese and Vegemite sandwich :) And noooooo, I couldn't tell AT ALL that you'd been drinking! I wouldn't have thought it of two nice boys like you! *cough*hahahahahaha*cough* :) I'm actually jealous of you right now - I'm not allowed to eat Vegemite anymore because it has gluten, and it's a dreadful blow to me!! hehe oh well. I'll just teach you to enjoy it in my stead :)

  9. Dinah:

    No doubt this post will spread the word (wrong though it may be to DownUndians) on vegemite for generations.

    All of Oz need only realize it came from their best friends from a land far, far away...and if Aussies can't take a good-natured joke, who can?



    I thought we hid our tiny bit of alcohol intake rather well! We were on a NATURAL high, just from inhaling the odour of vegemite!

    My daughter met a bunch of Aussies in Europe this past summer and she and her friend wanted to try their vegemite. Their answer? "No, you won't like it."

    I guess it's an acquired taste...and I shall try to acquire it, starting with cheese and toast as you suggest.

    Any other recipes, send 'em my way!

  10. Yep........ as Im always thought yet didnt wanna believe......... YOUR SKARK RAVING MAD lol.... to dam funny....

    email me ya address and I will send you a whole box of gorgeous marmite goodies.... to road test LOL


  11. Toasty:

    So you want our Far Out Fright Night Semi-Weekly Sampler Get Together to turn into a Mite Night?

    A true war of might, The Battle of the Mites -- vegemite and marmite?

    Isn't there a danger this could potentially cause World War III, with the primary combatants the UK and Australia?

    (Canada would remain neutral and urge the UN to send in a force of Canucks, of course).

    OK, yer on!

    But I went to your blog and I can't seem to access your email address on your profile.

    So why don't you go to mine and email me your email address, then I'll send you my mailing address.

    I don't think I've ever used the words "email" and "address" twice in the same sentence.

  12. Seriously, don't bother with Marmite. It's bland, boring stuff - particularly when compared to it's vibrant dynamic cousin, Vegemite!!!

  13. Stace:

    That's a MITE presumptious, isn't it?

    I'm sorry, as objective, peace-loving and totally non-committal Canadians, we need to be objective.

    We need to inform. So should it be, so shall it be, forever and ever, amen.

  14. Anonymous6:59 p.m.

    STACE! Marmite is the ULTIMATE mite! Besides, Vegemite sounds suspiciously related to Vegetarian, and we all know what THEY'RE like...

  15. What the?
    I haven't been to your place in weeks?
    When did you get Photoshop?

  16. hahhaha. my goodness. i know now who not to send sample products to!

  17. I'm stupid in fact I might even have suffered some kind of oyxgen deprivation at some time and as much as I love Aussies for joining as cannon fodder in 2 World wars I would not put that stuff in my mouth and there is not much I won't put in my mouth ask my gurlyboy ex wife.

  18. Have it on a piece of toast with margarine/butter and just a scraping of vegemite -just a scrape is all you need :). Great photos :).

  19. It's also good to put in a soup or stew - adds a bit of salty flavour :).

  20. Fathorse:

    You fan those flames, girl! We'll have the ultimite death match!

    Fathorse Mistipurple, Old Knudsen:

    In honour of your visits here from wothisname's, I'm putting out vegemite dainties with crackers, smoked oysters and vegemite tea.



    More recipes! Thanks and what have you been up to?

    It's -43C here this morning with the windchill and I have to drive my son to work.

    I'm applying vegemite all over my body as a cold deterrent, much the way the Inuit or others spread whale fat over their skin as an insulator.

  21. oh lawdy lawd you two are fargin hysterical!!!
    i wonder if vegemite is like south africa's "marmite"?

  22. Anonymous4:39 p.m.

    YAY! Marmite snackery at WWs hoose :)

  23. Angel:

    Well is marmite an Afrikaaner thing then or a Brit thing? Or both or neither?


    But of course! I'm a hospitable host when such esteemed company knocks on my door.

  24. and you actually.....tried some.....after it had been down the front of coppens' pants....

    wrong. so very, very wrong.


  25. LOL u and ur 'chunda'ring! I love Vegemite!

    Ur vege-maiite Keshi!

  26. First Nations:

    As you know, Coppens is a drama queen and he's obviously a camera hog.

    But yeah, now that you mention it, he DID seem to put the business end of the vegemite tube more deeply into some sinister places than I originally thought...



    I thought you had stopped blogging, Keshi Girl! Well, thanks for droppin' in, veggiemate!

    Is it a national requirement that all Aussies love vegemite? Must do more research...

  27. holy god! im going to get nightmares...

    a greaat creative post :D

  28. GP:

    If you think YOU'RE going to have nightmares, what do you think it was like for ME actuall doing this post with him?

    Have any Far Eastern products you'd like the Blogworld's official taste-testers to sample?

  29. Thats a beautiful post about a beautiful spread! Thanks for making me laugh!
    I am now craving the salty-yeasty vegimite.

  30. Andrew:

    Well, you're the fifth Aussie to comment with a smile on their face to my knowledge, so glad no one was offended.

    But people are throwing around the word "spread" with surprising liberty, don't you think?

    How do you all come to love it so much, this vegemite? Do they feed it to you in baby bottles?

    Is it a required staple in all the school lunch programs?

    Rock on, Andrew, you guys are gold in my books.

  31. Looking for a recipe that will make it tolerable? Might I suggest a variation on an old camper's recipe for carp?

    Take your carp, or in this case, Vegimite spread on bread, and place it on a board. Place board directly over campfire and cook for four hours or until toast is browned. When finished, throw away the bread and eat the board.

    At least you folks "Down Under" were too polite to export yours. All the world knows and hates Spam.

    As for something distinctly Canadian to send in return, can you still get honest-to-goodness Pemmican? You know I don't mean that Beef Jerky stuff.

    On second thought, maybe you better find something else. Looks like this isn't the first time Pemmican was introduced to Australia with potentially disasterous results. Looks like South Dakota is the only place to commercially obtain the real deal too.

  32. Breakerslion:

    Well, yet another guest from HE's venerable and incredibly popular blog...


    I think I'll pass on the carp-flavoured board, if you don't mind. And while I don't eat it, I note that Spam is still available on my grocery store shelves.

    I wasn't thinking about pemmican. What I WAS thinking about was Lake Winnipeg goldeye (about the ugliest looking fish you've ever seen, google it) or true maple syrup from Quebec.

    But I need to think about this for another several years.

  33. I luv Spam, esp. when it's fried! Not that I eat it everyday, but I won't turn it down if I'm offered it!

    Ha! I luv the pics and descriptions! Awesomely funny post! Did your kids even attempt to try some Vegemite? Perhaps you can eat a bit of it with a bacon and cheese omelet, or save it for the holiday turkey meal.

  34. brother of mine, i have one fruit, surely to destroy anything within a 1000 miles radius.

    TRY eatin DURIAN!

  35. Anonymous6:52 p.m.

    You guys are mad!!!! lol!

    Happy Chritsmas Chris!


  36. Anonymous6:59 p.m.

    Theres nothing wrong with our Marmite especially the one thats out with Guiness in it! lol!



  37. Eroswings:

    Ugh. Spam!!! OK, maybe I'll put that on the taste-tester list! Especially fried...Donnnn will have a heart attack in my living room.

    I spent a whole bunch of time tonight cooking up my own version of chicken flied lice. It was pretty bland.

    I should have put some vegemite in there, I think...

    Particles of Ghosty:

    OK, durian, I've got to look it up...will HE and I die if we eat it? Gotta try it if we can get it here...


    A marmite with Guiness in it? Send some! Send some! Yes, we're mad and we're coming to take you away, ha ha!

    Happy Christmas to you too, Laura.

  38. dont worry u wont die. but white people are known to puke at its smell. its a very very color biased fruit i might add. :D

    but u never know, u might like it.

    we have durian jam, durian ice cream here...and i heard there is even durian shake in the US of A. thanks to my durian lover Sneha from the states, she says u can get the King of Fruits in any Chinatown.

    so there you go...get one or two fruits (i hope u get em opened at where u purchase it coz the thorns are too much sometimes). get a few nuclear grade gas masks. oh and eat outdoors...coz the sweet smell will b there for hemm days or weeks. throw away the evidence after eating atleast a few miles from civilization. its a bad way. the smell that is.


    on another note, im atleast 8000 miles away from ur lawyers :p

  39. This is one of the funniest things I have seen!

    You guys are hilarious, I am so in tears of laughter here, have summoned (woke) the whole house to see this!

    Ah, we love our vegemite, banana and vegemite sandwich, vegemite soup, vegemite and icecream, vegemite dip, and there is something traditional a couple do with it, usually on their honeymmon too.

    Long live the vegemite. So glad you guys love it too. :-)


  40. Pam:

    So glad we could entertain you and your lovely family, girl!

    I am now of course intrigued with your list of dishes, but most particularly the honeymoon version.

    I'm not getting married any time soon, but I DO have some vegemite left, so now must do some research and recruit a female candidate for this experience...

    Long live vegemite indeed...

  41. They don't put it in baby bottles BUT people do put it on the dummy/ pacifier! :). Seriously you are meant to have the tiniest little bit over the top of margarine - at no time is it had on bread or biscuit/cracker just by itself. Try it like that on a piece of toast and you just might think it isn't too bad :).

    I'm hanging in there, ww :).

  42. Lee:

    Amazing vegetips, girl. Keep hangin' in!!!

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