The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

August 20, 2008



Whether it's because there's a young lady I want to impress with my domestic capabilities, or my kids are whining about the mess or simply because humans can only exist in SO much filth, I launch into cleaning mode.

And with only three days left in my two weeks of vacation, my attention first turned to my fans. No, not all of you people, all 3.6 of you. I mean my fans, which keep me cool during the warm summer weeks between mid-June and late August.

I do have an air conditioner, but I haven't cleaned out the filter in years. That's my next project. No, my focus fell upon the beautiful big floor fan I go to bed with every night in my bedroom. I couldn't see her any more for all the dust on her.

I neglected to take a before shot, so here's a shot of another, smaller fan I must clean before September. I'm not sure if you can see all the dust on the blades and on the blade cover. Well, my floor fan was much dirtier.
So I took Florence, my bedroom fan, outside and disassembled her. I didn't want all that dust to get in my apartment and it was a gorgeous, hot day. So here she is, with her cover off and all ready for some TLC.

Yes, that is dust. She's a bit of a dirty girl.

You can see my dirty lawn chair, my tools and the pail of hot, warm water. I needed to be soft and gentle but still restore her to her normal self.

Oh, and here's her cover. We'll address a specific situation regarding her in Part 2.
Anyway, I first took my broom to her and swept off as much dust and dirt and stuff as I could. Then I started washing her with soapy, hot water. And I had forgotten how breathtakingly beautiful she actually is.

So the rest of Florence's story will follow in Part 2. But while I was out on my exceedingly scenic ground-floor concrete patio, I noticed there were a few spider webs on my windows.
Actually, it was like the movie Arachnaphobia.

Oh, and just as an aside? Going back before the spider segue? This is a clump of dust from Florence. I know it's out of focus. Give me a break.

So anyway, I used my broom and my wet cloth and I destroyed all those spider webs, as the following pictures illustrate.

Generally, I value spiders. They're perfect predators. But these guys have to go. And one of them was fleeing along the wall below. I know the spider is not, in fact, where I say it is. It's a bit below the No. 1 and to the right.

Just believe me when I tell you, it's there.


  1. Trust a man to feel the need to show off the fact that he cleans something! ;). I pulled out the stove yesterday and cleaned underneath it and the wall behind it - what a pity I don't have digital camera! :). You actually did a good job on that fan, by the way!

  2. Anonymous8:41 p.m.

    Oh, vacation next wk is flashing before my eyes!! Seems we have the same problem? Yup, on my list - cleaning the fans - I think I already did that 7 yrs ago, but apparently it's something that you have to keep doing over & over...pulling away the stove AND fridge, washing the floors & walls behind them PLUS the appliances themselves - again, it's something I already did once, but it appears if you don't hire someone to do this stuff, it just stays that way & gets more dirty?...and cleaning the patio door - I have gone as far as using the "jet" setting on my garden hose thing (the thing on the end that makes the water spray out?) to squirt dead/live bugs & dirt from the tracks under the sliding doors, but have not felt motivated to actually move the doors to clean EVERYTHING out of there or from around the doors - most spider webs can be dislodged and redirected onto the lawn using the spray thing on the hose...and then there is the caulking all over the glass from when I caulked my patio doors during the flood in 2005 - not sure how it ended up on the glass - sure, I used a 1" diameter bead all over (1st time caulking), but it doesn't explain the smudges of caulking all over the glass - every time I walk by, I think "I should clean that off someday" - it will either be next wk or some other time in the distant future...this is just a sampling of the many similar & equally horrifying tasks on my list for next wk...and here I was hoping not to think about my vacation until the weekend...!!

    AB Girl

  3. So do you call her 'Flo' for short?

    And does the smaller one have a name too? Or just the one you share your bedroom with...

    You seem to have a propensity for naming inanimate objects, I have noticed.

  4. Here we go with the cleaning!
    You should have called this
    Blow Me!

  5. To all:

    Sorry, it's late, but thanks for all the comments.

    Lee, only a girl actually pulls out her stove and cleans behind it and underneath it. Hope things are well.

    AB Girl, that's a fascinatingly exciting oratory, but don't expect any help from me.

    I'm sorry we forced you to think about all these chores, but now you can prepare for them!

    Ponygirl, the only reason Flo has a name is because she lives in my bedroom. She was out in the living room, but I moved her in here.

    And she's not inanimate, by the way.


    Purple this week, eh? Or is that magenta? Maybe that's what I'll call Part 2 -- Blow Me!

  6. "She's a bit of a dirty girl." HA! That's quite possibly my favourite sentence in your entire blogging history! Love it!

    Would you mind coming over and doing my cleaning? With the minor renovations going on and me being barely mobile, my place is a frickin disaster!

  7. Hey, it's not only girls who move the stove and clean behind it.... you've posted about that before! With pictures to prove it, by the way, if your memory is failing you.

    So is Flo an Orionite posing as a fan and when the lights go out at night, she tranforms back into her natural form? Is that why she lives in your bedroom? A little nighttime company? ((nudge, nudge, wink wink))

  8. Anna:

    Well, she WAS a bit of dirty girl, don't you agree? But I washed her down everywhere.

    So now she's "spankin' clean!" HA HA HA HA!

    Listen, I just spent two hours cleaning out my bathtub (and NO, NO PICTURES.)

    I will have to charge a ridiculously high premium. And besides, I have other things to clean.


    Geez, you're on my blog more than I am!

    So I have actually cleaned behind my oven and fridge and actually cleaned inside my oven (GASP!)

    So why are they all dirty again?

    I will not discuss what goes on with my fans behind the privacy of my bedroom doors.

  9. It's like a cancer you can't ever get rid of.... the grime just keeps coming back.

    The solution? Never eat at home! HA HA HA!

  10. Are you trying to say that I am one of your filthy fans?

  11. Oh, hello Ponygirl.

    And Donnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

  12. Ponygirl:

    I rarely DO eat at home. So how come the grime keeps coming back? One of those natural wonders, I guess.


    Well, you're filthy. And you keep coming back, so you could be a fan. Mutually exclusive or inclusive, one of the two.

    Maybe you, Ponygirl, AB girl and Donnnnnnnnnnn would just like to lease my blog for a bit?

  13. Eeks!

    Count me out of your circle of friends. Until you clean up your house fully!

  14. Hi, MJ! Back from time and space, I see.

    WW: It's probably that boy of yours making the mess.... you've certainly bemoaned the fact that he always leaves the kitchen in a state of chaos. Make him eat out as well and it should stay clean!

  15. Spiders must die!!!

  16. Anonymous2:03 a.m.

    Spiders are critical to maintaining a pest-free home - between my spider force & the odd centipede patroling the ground floor, I never see a bug & flies that manage enter my home never live more than a day...never see the spiders or centipedes (unless I surprise them by turning on a light in the middle of the night), but they leave evidence of their presence on the carpet (parts of fly or beetle)...2 big spiders are doing a fantastic job of eliminating anything that enters my garage (web on either side of the rollup door) - I'm amazed at the number & variety of insects caught in those webs - to think those things would have entered my home! I carefully sweep under the webs when cleaning the garage floor so as not to disturb my spiders...

    AB Girl

  17. Sorry, AB Girl.... I agree with Stace.... no spiders allowed in my home! Totally creeps me out!!!! Aaaagggghhhhhhh!

    I have cats to eat the bugs. Pips does a fabulous job and she is a lot easier on the eyes than one of those eight-legged monsters. And more cuddly too!

  18. Gautami:

    My house will likely never be fully cleaned up. Does that mean you're abandoning me?


    He most certainly is part of the problem, my son is. But he's getting better.

    Remember, it's not in a 16-year-old boy's makeup to clean up after himself.


    Maybe in Australia, where so many of them are poisonous. But I like 'em.

    If I see them trapped in my sink and unable to scale the porcelain to escape, I help them out and let them go on their merry way.

    AB Girl:

    Now THAT'S a sensible approach! Maybe you could start your own little spider breeding side business?

  19. lol... now you went and reminded me of my progressive ,ove out of my flat.
    i still cannot get over how much crap i managed to accumulate in almost 13 years!

  20. Anonymous12:36 a.m.

    PG, the beauty of spiders is they take care of things, but stay out of sight - if I surprise them by turning on the light, it's not their fault...there are some (the brown ones) that like to be around people & will sit nearby on the wall in the light - if I turn off the light & move to another room, they follow me...(I'm allergic to cats!)

    WW, no need - they seem to take care of that themselves...if I find a black spider (don't like having those upstairs), I'll get it onto a sheet of paper & carry it downstairs - OK for the black ones to be downstairs...only spiders I kill are those striped things that are not native to AB & arrived in 2005 - suddenly saw weird spiders everywhere, colored ones (red, blue, yellow) & those striped things (don't look like spiders, but travel on a thread like spiders) - finally figured out they came w/ the 35 acres of sod the golf course brought in from Kentucky during the flood reconstruction & migrated the 15 ft to my condo - all foreign spiders have disappeared after a couple winters, except a few of those striped things which are also gradually disappearing - don't want foreign spiders getting into the house where they could breed & adapt to the climate - better ones that don't belong here are gradually eliminated by the harsh climate...

    I was devastated a few months ago when I surprised one of my large garage spiders by suddenly opening the automatic door 1 night & it got scared & ran outside! It didn't find its way back inside & it was a few months before another spider took over the web - don't like to lose those big ones...

    AB Girl


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