The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

May 22, 2008

More Blarney about Male/Female Brains

After many monumental moments of highly technical research and hypothesizing...

I have emerged with groundbreaking new theories in my continuing quest to explore and decipher the differences between the male and female brains.

My primary research guinea pigs, in this case, were these two brains (although it is debatable whether the subject on the right HAS a brain).

And the context of my incredibly technical experimentation techniques, which you would almost certainly not understand, involve a study into a dilemma every parent faces:

Their children want to get their drivers' licences. So they can use your car and get into untold trouble.

As a refresher, and to bring tardy or forgetful readers up to speed on my previous discoveries, I have previously released these advanced revelations in publications around the world.

Or at least in previous posts on my blog. Go look for them if you want, I don't know how to do the fancy link thingy that would bring you directly to them.


After exhaustive medical and psychological examinations, the illustration below sums up the most intensive analyses of what we currently know about the male and female brains:

However, to advance our knowledge, it was useful to compare male and female brains in an actual situational challenge that indeed did require some brain power and decision-making.

The question to be answered: How would each approach this landmark event? And how would each of them do?

In Canada, teenagers can legally acquire their drivers' licences at age 16.

My daughter did this a few years ago and my son, who is now 16, has begun his driver education course in the classroom.

This was immediately seized upon by yours truly, Within Without (PhD, F.O.S., Psych 101 in college).

I set out to use it as a comparative if not stressful opportunity to measure the brain capacity of both offspring when faced with a similar task.

More really neat and informative new facts on male and female brains are below.

But first we need to introduce you to the study subjects and pose the question:

Which of these two would you most likely trust to accomplish this task, get their drivers' licences and become good drivers?



OK, back to my serious theorizing now.

Based on the pictures above of my daughter and son, my guess is that most of the millions of readers of this blog are likely to draw the conclusion that the female brain would be more mature and do a better job.

It's an established fact, outlined in my previous discoveries and postulations, that males of all species tend to think less about less important things and more about more important things.

However, as my most recent observations (below) seem to suggest, while males are more reckless and act with unthinking abandon, females can at times get distracted themselves by the process, rather than the end result.



Note, for example, the "ability to drive stick shift" lobe in the male brain, a new discovery.
Contrast that with the "sense of direction nuclei" and "irrational thoughts" sections in the female brain.
These differences can be somewhat explained by my latest studies of the younger female child, as below:

These significant differences between the male and female brains are super complex and more research is needed.

However, it's fair to say that by and large, these differences can lead to the following stereotypes towards either gender by the other gender.
I call it my Love Makes the World Go Round Reality (LMWGRR).

So...what does this all mean in terms of my study when it comes to first my daughter, and now my son, obtaining their drivers' licences and then battling with each other to use my car?

This graph explains it, kind of. Or maybe not.

What I know is I wasn't afraid when my daughter got her driver's licence, even though she DID get involved in a fender-bender weeks after she obtained her licence.
And now I AM afraid, VERY afraid, that my son is attempting to get his licence. However, this fear is not backed up by my groundbreaking research.


  1. You're blinding me with science!

  2. It sure is good to see you back with such


    PS: This post explains the non-existent male brain perfectly and can be used for future studies.

  3. Fantastic research; perhaps a study into the part of the female brain that causes her to freeze when she finds the toilet seat up, leaving her unable to figure out how to lower the seat down.

  4. MJ:

    Well you're blinded a lot more easily than I would have thought, given the subject matter on your blog!

    C'mon, MJ. You're the Infomaniac! I want your analysis of my analyses!


    Well, there you go. You've pretty much boiled it down to its true reality, then. Good on you!


    Thanks, herr fellow world observer. Your larger question, however, is unanswerable.

    I could not obtain government funding for the study you are suggesting.

  5. According to my new Psychology Today..

    Women who are exposed to the stereotypes about them being bad drivers subconsciously conform to those expectations and are twice as likely to mow down a jaywalker..

    Men who play racing games on their computer actually drive more aggressively and will mow down even more jaywalkers..

    The reaction time of people who talk on their cell phones while driving (whether hand held or not) are seriously affected and more likely to mow down a jaywalker,

    as opposed to drivers talking to an actual passenger who knows enough to shut up if the driver is in the midst of running over a jaywalker..

    Drivers of either gender who are watching a movie in another vehicle are almost guaranteed to mow down a jaywalker.

    In the end I think it's pretty even

  6. Donn:

    Of course the whole premise of these posts is to poke fun and tease, not to demean.

    The perfect example is the motorist I was following yesterday after chauffering my son to a party.

    The motorist was going half the speed limit. I had to honk to get the motorist to turn when the left turn light came on.

    The motorist continued to go half the speed limit. As I turned to the motorist while passing the vehicle, I looked over.

    It was a man. It was a man talking on a cell phone while driving.

    It is MORE than even.

    And if I was to measure the stupidity quotient of men and women overall, I would generally say that men win (or should I say lose) that one by a wide margin.

  7. Blarney indeed..cause this female brain seems to think about sex all the time

  8. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by how well he does after he gets his driver's license... at least I'm hoping you will.

  9. Annie:

    Ha Ha Ha!!! Yeah, I think I'll have to do a specific study of brains involving single, divorced or separated older females...and males, for that matter.

    Somehow, I think the wide disparity in the size of the sex lobes in each brain would be narrowed...


    I'm sure I will be too...but that won't stop me from living in fear for the next few years...


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