The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

February 3, 2008

Super Bore Tailgate Party in the Great White North

WHILE ALL THOSE WEINY WANKERPANTS* THOUSANDS OF MILES SOUTH OF WINTERPEG WERE GEARING UP FOR SUPER BORE XXIIVVCCVIIIIV, WE WERE REVVING UP FOR THE BIG GAME HERE TOO.



OK, maybe not all of us.

My dang camera battery was drained.
So I couldn't immediately take pictures of the 100's of fans at our huge white tail-gating party in the snow at the back of my big, grey Dodge Dakota 4 x 4 rental truck, which I will have to return Tuesday.


OK, maybe not hundreds of fans. In fact, it was just me...
...Looking super stupid trying to take a picture of myself.
There wasn't another soul in sight, but I'm sure people were looking through their windows, saying, 'Who's that dork and why does he have a football in his hands?'

So OK, use your imaginations. Picture the following images in white.


Yes, even beyond the 49th parallel, the National Felons League grabs us by the throat and won't let us go. We Canadians are captured by the glitter and glam of the Super Bore and the tailgate party phenomenon.


It was relatively warm here today, only about 60-70 degrees fahrenheit or more below that of the world's biggest show in Phoenix, so football fans of all stripes (actually, just me) congregated in my apartment's parking lot.


We (I) cooked hot dogs and hamburgers with all the accoutrements, drank copious amounts of beer followed by hot chocolate.

And then we all went to our apartments to fall asleep while the game was on. (Actually, I only went outside to take those pix).

The NY Giants won, I later found out from a lovely lass. So the NE Patriots' unbeaten season is over.

But if it was a hot summer day, this is what it would have looked like...

OK, USC isn't playing in this game. Who cares?

I confess, we did have an editorial board meeting to consider whether we should publish the above photo. We decided that our job here was to portray the Super Bore experience as it really is.
So there you have it.
Hey! It's dark here already! The game started an hour or more ago!
I need to fix up my Super Bowl Supper true to the desert cuisine...baked cactus in rattlensnake sauce, horny-toad lizard deep fry and scorpion a la mode.
Who's playing again? And yes, that's a Canadian Football League ball in my hands. It's true, we have bigger balls up here, it's in the rules. (There is no intention here to make any puns. Really).

* Weiny Wankerpants is a derivative of a phrase first coined by Homo Escapeons, Winky Winkerpants or something, in response to Within Without. There has been no copyright infringement.

15 comments:

  1. LMAO, I have no words!!!

    You are crazy!

    Soft love,
    T

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  2. Weiny Wankerpants
    Weiny Wankerpants
    Weiny Wankerpants

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh and did I mention...
    Weiny Wankerpants

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  4. I like cricket. All this footbally stuff, I can take it or leave it. I'd rather leave it, but what the hey. I like cricket.

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  5. Inside, Outside...

    But you're a woman of words and wisdom and wit...I'm crazy, all right...

    MJ:

    An' a one, an' a two, an' a...

    Credit Homo Escapeons, aka Soliloquist Synopsis or whatever he was for a moment...

    Stace:

    Crickets are little black things that have long antennae and live in sidewalk cracks.

    Sorry.

    And they rub their wings together when they want to let the world know they're around.

    Even though they can't fly.

    What the???

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  6. Hi W.W.! What a blast! I love the photos from your tailgate party and your descriptions of the event -- it cracked me up and looked like a lot of fun. Does scorpion a la mode taste like chicken?
    :)

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  7. Cricket... the snick of willow on leather, the mateship, the racial tension and unsporting behaviour... what's not to love? :)

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  8. oh my you ARE a complete lunatic LOL...

    And the Rugby Six Nations Started this weekend, now thats a proper game... and is cricket of course, and dont forget about Tchoukball...

    See, if ya had given us all a ring, we would of popped over and joined ya in ya BBQ :) only no pork for me lol and thats NOT a pun either.... Im alergic to all the piggie stuff LOL

    x

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  9. My mind has started to swirl. I think I am gonna flip it altogether.

    AND DID YOU SAY THAT ABOUT CRICKET??

    ^%$#^**&^

    sigh!

    Anyway, come and pick your award from my blog.

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  10. Clare:

    Yeah, it was quite a party. But I can't talk right now. My lips, tongue and throat are swollen with the poison.

    Stace:

    I was just kidding about cricket. Most of North America thinks it's a girly sport played by men, but then most rugby or soccer players probably think football is for sissies.

    Cricket is a popular game here, especially among the East Indian, Pakistani and Aussie communities.

    Toasty:

    What's tchoukball? You might all have shown up but none of you would ever have survived the cold.

    Gautami:

    Yeah, I know how popular cricket is there. It just has never caught here in the least, unless you want to include its lookalike, baseball.

    Thanks for the honour!

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  11. You look great in those photos.

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  12. HAHAHAHAHAHA u funny man!

    Keshi.

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  13. All intelligent and civilised countries like cricket :) haha

    I'm so bored.

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  14. While reading about your fascinating tailgate 'party of one', the sight of that intoxicated, spherical, person of no fixed hairstyle regurgitating the contents of her stomachs immediately eliminated any empathetic goodwill that you may have otherwise been entitled to.

    Uber Gross Goober!

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  15. Anna:

    Thanks. :-)

    But you didn't see all the makeup artists standing off-camera. The director was just about ready to throw in my double.

    Keshi:

    You'd be funny too posing in -39,000C!

    Stace:

    You must be bored if you're at my blog! Yes, here in Canada we are horribly uncivilized.

    And we love it...

    HE:

    We felt that in our presentation of all that the Super Bore is, we had to be realistic and not hide the truth.

    ReplyDelete

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