The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

February 9, 2007

Cars with names like...

But this raises far more than the obvious questions.
My 1996 Ford Contour appears to be nearing the end of its productive life cycle, having apparently succumbed to -45C windchills and other vagaries of a Canadian winter, now in its 11th year.
It still functions. And I'm prepared to spend quite a bit of money to fix it up so I can hand it over to my 18-year-old daughter, who would gladly take a vehicle I think can survive several more years.
But beyond the mechanics of a vehicle, I have to think about my precious identity and ego. Do I want to be an Explorer, he of the great outdoors and associated with all that name suggests, even though most of the time I'm Mr. Urbanite?
Do I want to be In My Ellement, as two of my fellow bloggers have in recent weeks? The car companies want us to believe we are what we drive. That our vehicles give us or at least reflect who we are.
So should I become a Viper or a Mustang or a Ram, or should I just become a Grand Caravan or something practical or boring? Am I a Model T Ford?
Should I just let it all hang out by buying a Hummer and try to be Mr. Macho (or Thomas the Tank Engine) or should I try to be Mr. Sporty Sexy Guy with a new MG convertible (RIGHT!!!!)
Here are some of the latest models and their names, at least on one website, listing vehicles by best names, most lame names and newest, weirdest names...personally, I like The Naked. What's the name of YOUR car?
And do you feel like it's you?


  1. I drive a silver 2005 Pontiac Bonneville (a.k.a. piece of American made cr*p). It is a great road car and gets good mileage, but has had its fair share of problems. I don't feel the Bonneville fits my personality very well. I think my next vehicle will be a Honda Element or CR-V. Preferably in some bright, festive color.

    My son drives a Sunset Orange Pearl Honda Element. The license plate on it says "The Vth". Bruce Willis fans will get this. The plate, by the way, was my idea.

    It's very nice of you to give your car to your daughter. I'm sure she will love it!

  2. I'm not finished talking about John should go by yourself and reap the rewards of being the only unattached male in the entire place...afterall there won't be a dry seat in the house.

    Ok now we talk about cars. You need a vehicle that says I am reliable, sturdy, a little old fashioned but still has some zip. Your vehicle should say HEY Numbnuts I don't need my car to be an extension of my penis...I am comfortable in my own skin and and I can easily keep up with younger models for hours and hours...and since you are anatomically devoid of a derriere you should have a car without a trunk.

  3. Totally go with the mustang! that's what i'd get, make it a convertible

  4. I like the corvette, although me and kids won't all fit.

    So I am thinking old school horse and buggy on my next vehicular purchase.

  5. Whenever I see a man with a big splashy car or truck...I assume he's got a tiny penis.

    Is that wrong?

  6. Argh! Lost every one of my responses to your comments, but here we go again...


    I initially wanted to have this post poke more fun at car names, but it kind of morphed into this.

    As in, the Mercury Mystique...ooh, does driving that suggest mystery, intrigue, appeal?

    Hey, wait! I think there's a vehicle named Intrigue!

    So, a Bonneville...from southern France, a woman of culture, sophistication?

    Great on the road, good mileage, fair share of problems...ha! That could be me!

    I vote for a CR-V for you...more sporty than the Element, in a bright colour. That'd work!

    I'll have to look up The Vth, seeing as I'm not a huge Willis fan.

    Homo Escape (hey, I think there's a vehicle called the Escape).

    Can't let John Mayer go, huh? OK, if you won't let wifey go to the concert with me, I'll just go solo and mingle and meet...

    I don't think Mayer's THAT popular though (no dry seats comment).

    I think you've about got it right on what kind of car I need to get (waddya mean I got no ass?)

    OK, a CR-V then or a hatchback? Nah on the hatchback. I don't think I could fit all of your descriptive on my licence plate tho...


    Thanks for drivin' by!

    I appreciate the suggestion, but I think a 'Stang might be too much of a sting statement for me.

    Besides, the convertible would freeze stuck and I'd be driving around like that all winter.


    Yeah, darlin', I'm figuring a Vette wouldn't really suit you and the four young 'uns.

    But a horse and buggy? No. You need something sleek and curvy but practical, with lotsa room.


    Without jumping to sweeping generalizations, I'd agree that's my first reaction too.

    Loud and huge means quiet and small in the world of impressions and reality.

  7. I think the Toyota Rav4 is really sporty and attractive. In my opinion it would "fit" you. It has 4 wheel drive, and room for 4 people and all their gear.

    But enough about that...did I hear HE say you have no ass? I think we'll need photos so that we can judge for ourselves. ;-) C'mon ladies, back me up on this....

  8. Believe it or not, Laurie, I'm pretty sure I've already posted a pic of my ass.

    It's in here somewhere...

  9. Instead of wasting money on that penile reduction procedure you should spend the money on buttock implants and some jewelry..
    get yourself a Mr T starter Kit(bigass pile of gold chains)
    ..all you need now is a terrible rug and you can go for the red viper..
    the official MID LIFE CRISISMOBILE!

  10. I thought you were teasing, but an extensive search, I think I found the photo.

    Evidently Friday the 13th isn't unlucky after all...

  11. I think you should get the Toyota FJ Cruiser. I think that's a gorgeous car and I've only seen gorgeous men driving it. A perfect fit, I think... don't you?

  12. HE:

    Yeah, why waste my money on that kinda surgery? I've never heard of butt implants, but why not?

    I already have the Mr. T Starter Kit. The Viper would be too much though.


    So I did post it? And you actually searched for it and found it? What was I thinking...

    I guess I'll have to look it up to find the Friday the 13th reference...


    Don't know what FJ stands for, but Toyotas are a little pricey, no? I'll have a look...

  13. It was a picture of a man's bum and it was on your blog. I assumed it was yours...

  14. Pricey compared to what? They're less expensive than Honda, but more expensive than the equivalent in the American makes.

    I don't know what FJ stands for either. Does it really matter? Make something up.

  15. Anonymous6:41 p.m.

    I love the Viper!
    We have Mazdas. Mine is a sporty 323,and I love it!
    Our other car is a Mazda 626 which seems good. We sold our last Mazda626 last week to a guy on e-bay. It was all such a pain though as he clocked up 2 speeding fines within hours of acquiring the car,so we had to sort it all out. It was such a pain! The guy was Ukranian but came over from Ireland just for the car,and put an address in England on the transfer papers! Go figure!
    How about the new Beetles? I think that they are really cool!

  16. "When younger, chief of my desires
    Was a rag-top Nash
    With white wall tyres."

    (Never happened!) Today, I/we drive a Toyota Camry wagon.Couldn't live without a hatchback.

  17. The name of my vehicle is Translink.

  18. Don't get an Explorer! I used to own one. Let's just say the the boys refer to it as "the Overheater".

    Whatever car you do buy, make sure it has a plug in for an iPod...even if you don't have one now, you might someday. Last year, I drove a Pontiac Grand Prix as a rental and the radio had a digital readout that showed the name and artist of most of the songs being played. I thought that was the coolest thing ever!

    A digital compass and thermometer on the dash or rearview mirror is a very handy little feature, and I'm p!$$ed that my current car doesn't have one.

    And cool tail lights are a MUST! I almost got divorced over this issue. When we sold the Overheater, I rejected many perfectly good cars because I thought the tail lights were ugly. Among these were the Pontiac Grand Am, Chevy Malibu (pre-2001), and the Chevy Impala. I ended up with an 01 Dodge Stratus. And except for the fact that the keyless entry only works intermittently, I'm very happy with the car.

  19. Laura:

    No, it might have been HE's...oh, no, that's right, his is the frontal nudity. Must be mine...


    Right. Checked it out quickly, it's budget might dictate North American models, tho.

    Child support isn't cheap.


    Sportay!!! The Ukrainian from Ireland laid the pedal to the metal, huh?


    Rag-top Nash? Gotta look that one up. Hatchback does seem to make sense, must admit...


    Translink's pretty cheap...but then your location probably makes it perfect, right?

    Ms. Val:

    Thanks! You're a fountain of information...

  20. Dood! Get a VW Jetta Diesel. Good for the environment, kick ASS mileage, and the seats heat up! I talked my friend into buying one almost new (had like 300 miles on it and she got to skip the new car depreciation), and it's great in the frigid weather (heated seats = warm ass). In the summer it's got a sunroof. I seriously like that car.

  21. Tidalgrrrl:

    Thanks, I'll check it out...the heated seats sound kinda cool, too.


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