The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

February 1, 2007

TRAPPED

I FEEL TRAPPED.

I feel trapped by winter's cold, icy grip and the prospect that it's barely February and there's almost two more months of this to go before Mother Nature gets over her own version of PMS.

That's Pre-March Syndrome...don't get all cranky on me now.


Up here in the Great White North, March would be the equivalent to a woman's time of the month, when all this stuff is going on.

And at the end of it, miraculously, usually by April, it's spring.

By then, all is right with the world.

The cramps are gone (from the lingering, bitter cold), everything gets washed away (the snow), the robins fly back from down south, there's more daylight, more sunshine, more warmth.

But for now, I feel trapped.

And wouldn't you know it, I don't just feel physically trapped by this frigid existence. Like everyone else -- and any who read this might relate -- I feel emotionally trapped too.


I feel trapped by circumstances beyond my control, but also by choices I've made and continue to make.

In some cases, there's a way out and I've even got the key to the door, I just have to decide to use it.

But sometimes there is no key. Or it's been lost.

Or you can see it, but just like in the movies, you can't reach it no matter how long you try to stretch your arm out to grab it.

Not even a pole will do the trick.

In other circumstances, forget the key...there's no door! But you got in...how can there be no way out?

Maybe you didn't build a door because you never thought you'd need or want to exit.

But now you do.

And because there's no door, or window, or even the slightest crack...

Maybe you have to pick up your sledgehammer and make that crack or window or door so you can bust out to get some fresh air..,At least to feel what that feels like.

And maybe once on the outside, you might decide...hey, I want to go back inside again, where I had safety and warmth and security. Or maybe you might just leave that behind.

Or maybe not. Whatever.

The fact is, you still feel trapped. By whatever it might be.

A relationship that doesn't work for you, that leaves you longing or lusting, that leaves you feeling you're not getting what you could be getting...










It could feel like a cage, like a bottle, like any enclosure that cramps your space, your style, that limits who and what you feel you can be or want to be.

And what do you do with that?










There was a recent story here in Canada that detailed a study by a Calgary guy who said that, essentially, bloggers were lonely people.


People who blogged because they had nothing else to do...that was the suggestion.

I've thought quite a bit about this in the past and I agree with some of the premise and I think sometimes I spend far too much time blogging when I could or should be out living among people I can see and feel and hear.


But I've also come to the realization that some of the most intelligent people on the planet blog, and I've been privy to their ideas, at least some of them. And that is good.


Sometimes I think, keeping in this "trapped" theme, that I should be doing something else.


But I can't find anywhere else, except blogging, where a whole bunch of really intelligent people from everywhere voice their opinions because they want to in a free and open and co-operative environment.


Bloggers are beautiful.

And so, for that matter, are people who feel trapped. If the two are one and the same, then that's OK with me. But I suspect that bloggers are more free than anyone else I know.

20 comments:

  1. Terrible thing to feel trapped. I've felt like that a few times (at work) and always think there is no way out. Luckily for me, there always is, though sometimes I just don't acknowledge I have a choice. I hope you sort it out soon.

    I also read HE's post about the nut who thinks all bloggers are melancholy and lonely people who have no lives. I wouldn't make any generalizations because there are exceptions. Bloggers blog for a number of reasons -- for the interaction, to share their craft/interest, or to just have witnesses to their lives.

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  2. You lost me at the comparison to women's PMS. =P For shame!

    I for one, HAVE pms currently and will be annoyed at just about everything.

    Like being trapped in a dead-end, middle-management, pseudo-socially responsible, underfunded career where I haven't had a raise for three years. Management tells me to blame the taxpayers.

    I'm also in the middle of winter, trapped in Wisconsin.

    And my hair is really GRAY as I'm trapped in my 30's and it's only getting worse.

    And I have chronic illness that it seems I can never get out from being trapped by, and it's like a big rock on my shoulder all the time.

    And here I am, as an American, being trapped into having to defend myself at every turn to Canadians and Europeans for just being American, even though I'm not one of the Idiotic Right.

    I'm trapped in a state that requires me to wait six months after getting divorced (after an 8 year separation) before I can get married again, and although my boyfriend wants to share his health insurance with me, can't, because we're not able to be married, and won't, until HIS divorce is finalized (after a 10-year separation) and we wait another 6 months. It'll be a year before I can have decent health insurance, and I'm trapped in an HMO that doesn't allow me proper treatments for my aforementioned chronic illness.

    I am full of angst today. It ain't getting better, either.

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  3. Menchie:

    Anyone can feel trapped by anything or a bunch of different things all at one time.

    I feel trapped by the weather, that's all, but I got to thinking about being trapped in other ways, partly because of what I know of other people and what they're going through or what they feel trapped by.

    I didn't mean that I needed to sort out anything in particular, just in a general sense.

    I agree on the blogging comment.

    Mad-town knitter:

    Doh! Should I run away?

    I didn't mean to sound offensive, if you're saying I did. I'm gathering you weren't offended...

    You're only in your 30s and your hair's already gray, or is that just in a manner of speaking?

    I can't speak for anyone else but I love Americans as individuals. It's that idiotic right...

    As far as your health, divorce, boyfriend and all, please accept a hug from the middle of Canada.

    I do hope your angst goes away.

    :-)

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  4. That was quite beautiful, WW.

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  5. oh jeez, ww, now i'm depressed. i don't often feel trapped because i usually believe there is a back door, and often i have a plan b for just that reason. but i certainly understand "stuck". and i've been wondering about blogging in some of the ways and for some of the reasons you mention. i'm aware that i've developed some real relationships with real people who have real thoughts, and i so value that. but sometimes the absence of a hand on the shoulder or a hug from the heart, or a chance to make eye contact or have a cup of coffee or laugh out loud makes me sad.

    btw, i am going to bypass your analogy to "that time of the month". i'm giving you a free pass on this one, just this time.

    i like what menchie said. ditto from me.

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  6. "Not even a pole will do the trick."

    Try a Latvian next time.

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  7. WOW what a great post!

    **In other circumstances, forget the key...there's no door! But you got in...how can there be no way out?

    thats soooo true. That line opened my eyes WW...ty so much!

    Blogging can look like some ppl r trapped...but how can u be trapped in something that gives u so much freedom to express and meet so many smart ppl from ard the world. If u call that a trap then it's a pretty good one ;-)

    HUGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!
    Keshi.

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  8. If I didn't know you were a thousand miles away, I would swear you were looking over my shoulder watching my life unfold.

    Longing, yeah, that's it...and lusting...

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  9. With any Anonymous forum, we are given a sense of freedom we can say what we want without repocussion. That gives an illusion of freedom. We can create any life we wish, from mongolian goat herder to NASA astronought..

    The crunch comes when we hit reality, our real lives dont always match up with the lives we create online.. And you feel you wont attain hat kind of life.

    I dont know wether it is just bloggers, i think this is just how people find a way to deal with life, and expectation.. Some play sport, some paint others type.

    I could be miles off. If so please disregard this rant

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  10. The trappings are generally self-imposed, aren’t they? (unless someone is being held against their will) We always have options and we, sometimes subconsciously, make choices every day – many times a day. The trappings feel real and we feel helpless sometimes, but the beauty is that we can break free at any time. We just have to make that choice. It applies in a crappy job, a crappy relationship, or even a crappy climate. We always have the choice to quit, leave, go on vacation. We just have to figure out which choices are the ones with which we feel most comfortable or will reap the greatest rewards (sometimes comfort and reward come from two different choices)… and act on them.

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  11. Hmm...I never felt trapped before until I found out I was pregnant for the first time.

    Hear me out, it's not as bad as it sounds.

    I'd had deadlines in my life before, finals in college, deadlines for work, things like that. However, this was the first time a HUGE deadline loomed and it was coming...coming....coming... And my life would never be the same again. Does that make sense? Don't get me wrong, I was happy to have that baby in my womb...and yet there was that little..twinge...

    The weather doesn't make me feel too trapped unless I go days without electricity or the ability to get out of the house.

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  12. Stace:

    Why thanks...in some ways, it's a bit of a downer.

    But I'm going to take from your comment that even the struggles are just part of life.

    If we didn't have 'em, we wouldn't have any motivation to rise above sorta thing...

    KJ:

    The point wasn't to depress.

    Hand on the shoulder type stuff is the one thing blogging can't do, I guess, but it sure result in close ties in other ways.

    Analogy: I guess I'd better leave that one alone, but no freebies required. If you've got a feeling about it, say it...

    MJ:

    I thought someone might come up with that...you win the prize.

    Keshi:

    Hugs back. I guess being trapped is a sensation in this sense and up to each person to feel or not feel.

    Laurie:

    Longing is better than languishing, I guess. One invites action, the other infers not inviting anything at all.

    Aidan:

    No, I think there's some wisdom there. But for the most part I always feel a sense of real freedom and expression when blogging.

    The only illusory part to me is the non-human cyberspace aspect of it...and would you say this to that person if they were in front of you right now?

    Who knows for sure. I think blogging allows you sometimes to be who you'd like to be, too.

    And then you can actually start to be more like that person...maybe.

    Anna:

    Agreed entirely that the trap is usually self-imposed, but people make mistakes that they can never know were mistakes until they start feeling trapped.

    I also think you're exactly right about choices and that anyone can change and get out of the trap...if they make the right choice.

    In any event, act on them. Exactly.

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  13. donncoppens.calm10:23 PM

    Winter SUCKS!
    When we were back in College we didn't care how cold it was and we managed to have FUN anytime and anywhere...
    of course there were extenuating circumstances and I probably spilled more artificial personality enhancement liquids than I could actually ingest these days..

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  14. donncoppens.calm:

    Yeah, especially that time when we did snow angels in the nude out at my mom's cabin...

    OK, everyone, donncoppens.calm (click on him, but wash your hands after) has started a new blog.

    If you didn't want to click on him (he's that anon guy up there, he's at http://donncop.wordpress.com/2007/02/01/whew-made-it/

    And yes, he is much more calm now that he's escaped Gloogler for a while at least.

    And as his url suggests, he did make it to Wordpress.

    Our Homo Escapeons has gone to the dark side. Either that or he's in some fourth blogger dimension.

    I've already commented this morning at his site. It's pretty barren, but he's only just checking out the place.

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  15. So many aspects of life make us feel like a bird in a cage, but I think blogging is one and a fantastic door to get out a bit.

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  16. Hildegarde:

    Well said, and I agree.

    :-)

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  17. i reckon i'm smart... not lonely!
    i hope march comes soon for you w.w.!

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  18. Angel:

    I think that's true of most all inhabitants of the Blogworld, Angel. March is only a month away...

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  19. I'd have to agree with you on many points. The weather? check. Trapped? check. Bloggers intelligent? check.

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  20. Joyce!!!!

    Thanks for coming by. It was great to meet you and Brian the other night...

    It's unanimous then.

    I'll get over there, but I hope you intend to blog on Saturday night at HE and Ali's place from another perspective besides Donn's...haven't seen anything from Brian yet (since last time I looked, anyway).

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