The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

July 19, 2006

TESTICLES ON TRUCKS


I know, I know...

This is the second consecutive post where I am writing about the testicles, penises or otherwise. I should instead be blogging about Beirut, about George Bu-shit and his veto, about the Indonesian tsunami.

Instead, I bring to you now word of yet another phallically oriented phenomenon that has migrated to Canada from the Excited States, as evidenced in this (edited) story from The Canadian Press:


EDMONTON -- It takes mighty big balls to drive a truck in Alberta these days.

The latest in prairie chic is to dangle enormous, plastic, fake testicles from beneath the rear bumpers of pickup trucks.

And while one might think the balls are the ultimate expression of manhood, retailers in Edmonton say a surprising number of women have been purchasing the pairs.

"It's redneck Alberta," said one truck retailer who didn't want her name used.

"We brought them up on a gag last Christmas and we've ordered quite a few. They've been selling like hotcakes."

The testicles come in different colours to match the truck and are also available in brass and chrome. They cost between $40 and $50 and are available in smaller sizes for motorcycles.

-----

Having been born in Alberta and lived there for almost 15 years, I can attest to its redneck ways. If any Canadian province is ready to join the States, it's right-wing, pro-business, conservative Alberta.

I've never gotten this thing about people projecting their personalities through their cars, young punks revving up their big-shot V8 hemis at a red light..."ooohhh, you da man!"

OK, I can see the personalized licence plates...But do people ANYWHERE really need to have giant balls attached to their bumpers to prove their manhood? Or is to make up for their lack of same?

And hangin' that low, I wouldn't stifle a chuckle if the dangling gonads rubbed the ground a bit or got swallowed up by a famous Canadian pothole or two on the highway...

29 comments:

  1. You forgot to add the Lowrider or Draggin' the Line from YouTube!
    All of those speed bumps are going to leave a mark..ooch..
    I have never met a guy so in touch with his OUTER child.
    Well Done Goofball!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AAgh! Ohmigawrd! You rednecked devil you! I nearly blew my champers out of my nose laughing upon opening your site!!! Gah what a mess...

    So now its
    to the poetess?

    hmm ... I'm not sure what a proper (tee hee hee) lady as I would make of this and the last post, but I'm sure if I give it much thought my reply will be nay ... so before I think on it anymore --

    Oh to the Snippets

    A bold
    beautiful bunch of beasts
    with balls
    mighty big balls
    It takes
    the snippet within,
    from the Canadian Press,
    I bring to you now
    the snippet without;
    the latest in praire chic
    to dangle enormous
    beasts with balls
    beneath the rear.
    And while you might think
    the balls are the ultimate,
    a number of women
    stifle.
    The dangling gonads
    got swallowed up
    in the excited states.
    The ultimate expression.
    A bold, beautiful bunch
    of beasts with balls.
    Mighty big balls.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ** It takes mighty big balls to drive a truck in Alberta these days.

    ROTFL!

    goshh this is soooo funny I was laughing like a nut-case (w.o. balls ofcourse)over here lol!

    I cant believe it's really happening there...maybe ur right, ppl who dun have the 'balls' to say/do anything prolly r the ones who r purchasing em!

    btw I have given u the 2 links to my pics in my ans to ur comment in 'my special spot' post :):)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Balls on a vehicle.

    Make me want to puke.

    Something about looking at dangling balls on a car that just ruins all the fun.


    *shouting out to ya from the infomaniac's place! Hope you don't mind!*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don't believe a word that Awaiting says. She'd love to give 'em a big squeeze.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HE:

    My Outer child? Hmmm...it's late, my Outer Child is withdrawing within, so we're all one now...

    LW:

    Hey! I didn't say I was a redneck! And yes, you needed to go on instinct, not thought.

    Thx for the big beasty boys with balls poem, poetess. As you knows, big balls is all in the mind, not in the scrotum.

    Kesh:
    Yup, that was the whole point of the Ballad of the Balls. On ur pix: Omigod...the mall guy woulda been melting, is all I can say.

    Awaiting:
    Hey, thanks for stopping in, whether it's from MJ's place or yours!

    ReplyDelete
  7. MJ (and Awaiting):

    I'm sure they'd be open to that...

    ReplyDelete
  8. na matey...he wasnt there the next day..I must have scared him to bits lol!

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  9. u do have an Arnie-look...with those glasses n the macho look ;-)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Keshi:

    What could be scary about you?

    Arnie doesn't wear glasses, does he? And me, macho? I dunno, girl...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Talk about getting down to the nuts and bolts of trucker psychology.

    ReplyDelete
  12. no no no dont write about bush shit and the gang...dont give them more credit:p

    Hahahha! nice funny blog and articles. thanx for comming!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kyk: Nuts and bolts, wiring, plumbing...it's all covered here at one point or another.

    Ghost: Thx. Aren't you near or in Indonesia? Obviously the tsunami didn't affect you...

    ReplyDelete
  14. No One *needs* them, but...

    I kinda like the idea of brass ones, myself.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Andrea:

    Brass ones can't be scratched, but I guess they'd never get itchy, so OK.

    Be kinda heavy to haul around, tho.

    ReplyDelete
  16. its better than beirut and bu-shit. they are boring!

    keep up with the balls..er...blogging about ball!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Gautami! Now the balls are back in my court.

    Thank god for sports cliches.

    ReplyDelete
  18. oh that is SO gross! i really hope that doesn't catch on in good ol' south africa...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hiya, Angel! Love that you stopped by.

    I'd figure Afrikaaners (is zat right?)have the biggest balls on the planet next to Canadians, so this wouldn't appeal to them.

    ReplyDelete
  20. That's just sick.

    What is with people these days??

    ReplyDelete
  21. Looks like a job for Honore de Balzac.

    And, if said truck is hit from the rear, does it suffer from ass-ending testicles?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Pam: It's a gross example of the "size matters" phallacy (er, I mean, fallacy).

    If you drive a big truck with big plastic balls, it must mean you have big balls.

    FE: Not being nearly as well-read as you, particularly about French authors, I'll defer on point 1.

    On point 2, I'd dub it a good old kick in the balls, or an ass-kicking with more painful consequences.

    ReplyDelete
  23. **What could be scary about you?

    alot of things lol!

    Arnie wears glasses in some movies :)

    Keshi.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The only thing I know about Honore de Balzac is that I've been waiting years for the chance to make a scrotum joke at his expense.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well, then, FE, glad to afford you the opportunity...and get a few laughs at the same time.

    (still giggling at the word scrotum, just one of those funny sounding words, and together with Honore de Balzac...it worked).

    ReplyDelete
  26. Keshi...

    OK, now you've got to be specific. What things?

    Only glasses I've ever seen Ahnold wear are sunglasses, baby...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous5:40 PM

    Excellent, love it! » » »

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous2:24 AM

    Best regards from NY! video editing schools

    ReplyDelete

If you choose to use anonymous to comment, it is only fair that I reserve the right to obliterate your comment from my blog.