The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

July 6, 2006

FARTS AND FUN IN A FAST-PACED WORLD



AS THE WORLD WAFTS BY IN AN INVISIBLE BLUR OF NOXIOUS OVERBUSY-NESS, WE'VE LOST SIGHT OF A TONIC FOR WHAT AILS US.

AS BUSH BUMBLES, WHILE WE ALL TUNE IN TO REALITY SHOWS TO SOMEHOW MAKE US FEEL REAL, AS WE DISCUSS THE LATEST MURDER OR OTHER INSANITY, WE HAVE ALL BUT FORGOTTEN THE ART OF THE FART.

Fart jokes are mostly the purview of young boys, it seems, and that was no different with me. I remember once setting my own personal record while playing hockey on an outdoor rink, shaking the penalty box bench with a fart that lasted, by my count, seven seconds.

The entire team stopped their cheering and screaming and yelling to listen...and at the end, we all broke out in laughter.

Of course, I have now passed on this talent and appreciation for it to my 14-year-old son. My 18-year-old daughter, as usual, shakes her head, says 'Oh, Dad...' and then promptly turns the other way and silently smiles. As if we didn't notice!

My reason for raising this taboo-ridden natural body function today is simply to propose it as a free and natural way to reduce the tension and stress caused by a world that demands far too much of us every day and which offers us little but pap in media-driven coping methods.

The Queen does it. The Pope does it. Certainly George Dubya does it. Even the nonsensical characters on Entertainment Tonight do it. We all fart, and yet most of us pretend we don't, particularly in elevators.

Even women fart. This has been scientifically proven.


So my suggestion is that we embrace farting once again; give it the rightful place it deserves in our lives. We need to laugh a little in these changing, difficult times. We should lobby governments and corporations to make farts a part of the consumer world.

Think about your garage door opener making a fart sound when you pull up the driveway. Flicking on the TV with the remote? Fart. Flushing the toilet? Pffffttttt. Standing around wasting time at the office water cooler, or raging against the driver who just cut you off?

Fart!

Dr. Phil and other pseudo-psychologists could include fart therapy to raise the spirits of their patients. Farts could also be used to spice up the sex lives of struggling couples. Forget Viagra! Ever farted during sex? Of course! Laugh and have tons more fun? Natch.

Farts have been with us since the beginning of time. Much longer than the Bible, the Buck, Jesus Christ, the TV and Bart Simpson. It's time we not only accepted them but adopted them as the one true hilarious constant that they've always been.

10 comments:

  1. ROTFL! hahaha such a funny post and with some very funny pics :):)

    While it can be embarassing for some, I dun think it's anything to feel that way abt. Cos if u belch, why not fart?

    lollz!
    Keshi.

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  2. I can't stop laughing!

    I am all for "freely" farting, but not at the dinner table, please. I heard somewhere, and I can't recall who said it, but in some cultures, farting is actually considered sexy --- I so love the graphics in this piece.

    Within Without, I so appreciate your wisdom.

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  3. Few people pass this way to begin with, but I can't help but note the only two who have are female.

    Maybe my male compatriots have actually grown up or something.

    Keshi: Are you prepared to actually spell out, for my benefit, what ROTFL stands for?

    What's to be embarrassed about by farting? Must be the end it comes out of, the sound and the smell...

    LQ: I think we should start a Free the Fart worldwide campaign.

    You'd think we could easily get comedians on side, but we could also recruit musicians and actors.

    Waddya think?

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  4. my word!
    Has it really come to this?
    The Queen certainly does not, never has, and never will, pass wind. How dare you Sir!

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  5. Yeah right, HE, I forgot.

    There's someone else at Buckingham Palace who farts for her.

    I think they call her the Royal Gas Expeller. Or is it Lady in Waiting?

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  6. Keshi:

    I have been soundly thrashed by HE, who tells me any blogger or other miscreant would know ROTFL stands for Rolling On the Floor Laughing.

    I stand admonished and berated and now enlightened by Mister Computer Lingoist.

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahaha thats good then! :):)

    Keshi.

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  8. I do love the fart.

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  9. Pffffttttt.
    That was odourless, of course.

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  10. Rrramone:

    So I'm preaching to the converted then...glad you could drop in and air the place out a bit.

    MJ:

    But of course it's odourless, Madam...far from your run of the mill SBD or, as my brother and I used to snicker, a "Silencio."

    ReplyDelete

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