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MY TIME ON THIS EARTH AND IN THIS EXISTENCE IS OVER.
The clock is ticking. I'm a goner.
It's time to hit the panic button. My life is flashing in front of me.
My head is exploding at the prospect. A nuclear device has been detonated -- or will be, soon, I'm certain of it -- and it will obliterate me.
Is this what all the believers are always talking about? The end-times? The apocalypse? Armageddon? Shudder...THE RAPTURE?
I don't even have a will. But wait, if the world's about to end, I guess I don't need one.
In fact, I don't need to write my own obituary, I don't need to schedule a funeral service, I don't need to have my body cremated.
All that will be unnecessary. Because I have only a few last tick-tocks on the clock to live.
Yep, it's a nuclear holocaust in my head.
But I WILL be saved!
And so will everyone else who happens to be around me when my head explodes!
They'll all be swooped up in the vacuum of veracity that I have lived!
Even as the sinners are systematically and summarily sent to Satan!
Oh, wait. Maybe not.
No, it's just an email from work. The subject line read, "IMMINENT password expiry date in 14 days." And it had a red exclamation point that eerily resembled a mushroom cloud.
I'd better tend to this. Go about your business.
Chris,
A reminder that your login password expires in 14 days and must be changed before this time.
If you do not change your password before this time, you will lose all access to your email, VPN, and network drives.
Please remember that passwords must be a minimum of 6 characters and include at least one capital letter and at least one number or symbol.
If your password has already expired, you will not be able to change it and will have to call the helpdesk in order to have it changed.
A reminder that your login password expires in 14 days and must be changed before this time.
If you do not change your password before this time, you will lose all access to your email, VPN, and network drives.
Please remember that passwords must be a minimum of 6 characters and include at least one capital letter and at least one number or symbol.
If your password has already expired, you will not be able to change it and will have to call the helpdesk in order to have it changed.
Wow. Way to make mountains out of molehills!! I was beginning to worry that you'd had some religious revelation or something, and was preparing to give my condolences... ;)
ReplyDeleteAmazing Stace,
ReplyDeleteHow sweet the girl
That types comments to meeeee
I once was bored
But now I'm thrilled
Was alone, but now have friends!
*cackle*
I missed the Rapture--by a few years, too, by the looks of it!
ReplyDeleteWell, at least you get a two week heads up. I usually get five log on warnings at work before the password expires.
Stace:
ReplyDeleteYou are, indeed, amazing. I have had a revelation, but far from the religious kind. But thanks for the intent of your condolences.
Cackle indeed.
Eroswings:
Haven't we all missed several Raptures repeatedly? Let's see if the next one happens.
My head is exploding but for reasons you failed to mentioned.
ReplyDeleteNext time when you want to include head explosions, please include kids, stress, laundry and cleaning.
Yes, that is enough to make anyone's head explode.
And yes, I am bloggin again. For how long, you ask? Dude, I don't know. I am a terrible blogger with too much time and too many psychos on her hands to think that far ahead.
♥you!
Awaiting:
ReplyDeleteOh but those aren't IMMINENT disasters, those are ONGOING disasters and by their nature fairly predictable.
I hope they subside. Or maybe you can just change your password to life and make them all go away?
;-)
Hey, we both blogged about Satan.
ReplyDeleteThe devil made us do it.
MJ:
ReplyDeleteYeah, Great Sinners Sin Alike.
Well c'mon, tell us what your revelation was.
ReplyDeleteLaurie:
ReplyDeleteI can't right now, I just cut myself shaving and I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.
But a quick answer is that life is all about passwords and how they constantly change.
Will that suffice as a revelation?
I'm even more confused than usual now...and that's saying a lot. :-|
ReplyDeleteJust kiddin'...now go put something on that cut!
Laurie:
ReplyDeleteAre you confused about why stuck pigs bleed or why I once again cut myself shaving at my age?
Or are you flummoxed by my typically vague (although rushed) philosophical response that life is all about changing your passwords every three months?
See, computer password requirements are a parallel to life.
To maintain my personal security, safety and well-being, just as with my computer access, I need to change my password periodically to avoid spontaneously combusting.
Otherwise, I'll lose access to my own self and the meaning of life. Consider it a forced renewal of mind, body and soul.
(If you were confused before, THIS explanation should make it clear as mud).
And there I was thinking you was gonna up and die on us, and frantically wondering where I could send you a card before your passing lol
ReplyDeletegawds sake...
x
Whatever your life is worth, you gotta live. So you better!
ReplyDeleteNow some crappy poetry for you:
g Chris go, have a great bash
wear sandals, legs you flash
but don't expect us to pay cash
BTW, expiry date is a hogwash!
Please don't kill me for this. You very well know, I don't write rhymed poetry!
Toasty:
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha!!! Gotcha! But that's the point of it...if I hadn't changed my password, I WOULDA been dead meat!
Gautami:
If I was to don sandals and bare my legs now, I'd be picked up by the authorities and spend the rest of my days in a locked cell.
And I would never charge cash. I support free trade and the bartering system.
I've been on leave since last July. My password has expired many times over already. I'll definitely have to contact the IT department when I go back.
ReplyDeleteAnna:
ReplyDeleteOK, you'll have to contact the IT department (somehow, I would think the word "IT" is a good descriptor for those guys).
At least now you have twins whose names or birthdate or whatever can forever be used as your passwords.
I use different combos of my kids and their birthdates all the time. It works. Try it. :-)
What the hell are you talking about?
ReplyDeleteYour password expires?
They must be having trouble monitoring your account.
just checking in on ya...... hope all is well.......
ReplyDeletex
Con Doppens:
ReplyDeleteThis is the new world of corporate computer/internet security, me man. Every three months or something, they want a new password from you.
It's the goofiest thing I've ever heard of, but it's all a result of the whole War on Terror mindset, that everybody's out to get everybody else.
Haven't you noticed how every little thing is called a disaster or crisis nowadays?
Toasty:
I'm here, but thanks for askin'. I've been out of town all week. Has the snow melted yet?
well here in the south we only had the snow mon and tues I dont know if thats good or bad cos everywhere else had tons of it.......
ReplyDeleteits just bitter cold here now..
glad ya safe was getting a little worried...
x
Toasty:
ReplyDeleteAgain, thanks. I'm always safe, not to worry! I'm Mr. El Indestructo Man!!!
Just not doin' the blogging thing so much lately, although I'm sure I'll have something up there soon...
Be well, Mel, you're swell.
sheesh... can you say "drama queen"!!?
ReplyDeleteAngel:
ReplyDeleteDrama Queen is right!