The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

April 20, 2008

While Dad's away, the Dunderhead will play...


(This town in western Manitoba is where writer Margaret Laurence grew up...)

Did you know Kandahar is actually in Saskatchewan, not in Afghanistan, where our Canadian troops are dropping like flies trying to keep the peace and track down Osama Bin Laden?
It's all a Canada-U.S. political ruse, I say...

Yeah, while I was out of town doing my job, my son, who has a key to my apartment, was entering same apartment -- which is very close to his school -- and creating a disaster of epic proportions.

Upon my return Sunday, all the tell-tale signs were there:
--Toilet paper not replaced on the dispenser.
--Five or six Bounce dryer sheets used and left on the floor all over or on the dryer, no doubt to repel the cling and lint for the one shirt he might have washed for some hot date with his girlfriend.
--His hair gel, left next to the bathroom sink, opened.
--The toothpaste, left uncapped so it can dry out.
--The mouthwash, its cap left off.
--Spit-out toothpaste stains in the sink.
--And, of course, a total mess in the kitchen. Dirty dishes put in a dishwasher full of clean dishes.

Whatever, left all over the place.

Another sink full of dirty dishes, an open bag of what used to be fresh bread, now dry. My bike is nowhere to be seen. He must be riding it. The usual crumbs are all over the living room.
Ahh, to be home again.


  1. Gday gday gday

    Ahhh the tales of fatehr hood, how i have missed those.

    Hope everything is going well, will have to read the older posts to catch up...

    looks like you are still in running for father of the year though

  2. When I am old and my children are grown with homes of their own, I plan on paying them visits.

    Once there I will track mud into their new carpeting, I will punch holes in their walls, I will unwrap food and drop the wrappers on the floor, leave the toothpaste uncapped and place dirty dishes strategically throughout the house.

    I figure it's only fair.

    Sorry, your post reminded me of my future goal. :) Gotta love 'em, huh?

  3. Ohhh come on... don't pretend you were any different at his age! :) Aidan is STILL like that, and he's nearly 26!

  4. Welcome home.

    Stop pretending to complain. You know you love it. You wouldn't have it any other way. I think you'd even be disappointed if there was no sign of him having spent any time there. I think the mess he left behind is a clear indication of just how close your relationship is. It's beautiful thing. :)

  5. This behavior is also found in cats who like to drag small, dead (and sometimes near-dead) critters into the house to show you how much they love you.

    What the hell is wrong with him anyway? Now I agree that when the 'Rents' went away for the weekened that having a HUGE AWESOME PARTY for 2&1/2 days (that everyone at school would be talking about all week) was a right of passage..
    the real challenge (and half the fun) was to clean the place and see if the Rents could even tell that you had a HUGE AWESOME PARTY!?!?!

    It's time for 'the talk'..
    from ME because obviously you have failed to instill these time honored values..sheesh!

  6. Did this posting have a point?

    Really, the house looks the same as always.

  7. Aidan:

    My god, man...are you BACK?

    What, now that you and Stace are together again, she won't stand for you not blogging?

    Just kidding, it's great to see you again.

    I am definitely not running for father of the year, I'm just running after my son trying to kick his butt.


    I think that's a fine idea. Maybe we could start a new club...I dunno, the Parents Pay-Back Club?

    I didn't post about it, but last week I found a glass half-filled with chocolate milk behind a chair in his room. It must have been there for weeks.

    Strangely, it didn't really smell like sour milk. It took me quite a while to clean it. Yech.


    Well of course Aidan's still like that! I'm still like that sometimes too, and I'm 52, twice Aidan's age!

    But you miss the point. what is my point? I forget. Oh, yeah.

    Well, the point is this is not a curable condition in the human male, but all we can do is try to control it and reduce its effects.

    Then, after he gets married, it's up to the wife to deal with it. Ha ha ha ha!!!


    I am NOT pretending to complain. I'm complaining because I'm the one that gets stuck cleaning up his mess!!!

    But you're far too smart. Yes, I like that he comes here. But why doesn't he just leave a note saying Kilroy was Here or something?

    I'm not sure I agree with your contention that the massiveness of the mess is directly commensurate with the quality of our father-son relationship.

    Or maybe, in some twisted way, it is. But it's all far too much for my tiny male brain to contemplate.


    I don't get the reference to "rents," although I assume it's some short form for paRENTS.

    Regardless, I suppose it IS possible he had a wild party here in my absence...except that the amount of mess has been about equivalent to those I've seen him leave before, in even less time.

    If I let YOU give him the talk, he'll never be the same and I'll be paying for it forever.


    As you know, none of my posts have a point. I'll have you know I subsequently cleaned up his mess and now my apartment is back to its normal level of mess.

  8. I'm proud of you for getting the term Rents (it's only been in circulation since the 80s) BUT I take issue with the insinuation that this is a universally incurable male condition..HELLO!

    Time to lay down the law buddy! It's not fair to you. Children 'love' boundaries because it relieves them of uncertainty which is very stressful, especially during adolescence...
    which has unfortunately been extended into the late 20s.

    Your future Daughter In Law will thank you.

  9. Donn:

    You are the Ultimate Uber Goober.

    Don't you know that my complete refusal to embrace these silly modern culture terms as you do is part of my deliberately ignorant charm and refusal to join the mainstream?

    As far as your point about this is incurable, I don't think I said that it was, I think I suggested that it's par for the course, it's going to happen, and you need to take it with a grain of salt.

    As I said, I'm trying to catch up to him to kick his ass, but good. I don't let him get away with it.

    However, as you know of virtually teenaged male, his head is more or less a pile of cement.

    You have to keep chipping away and hope that, over time, you're able to actually find a brain in there.

    He gets a lot of leeway at my place, but with freedom comes responsibility. I'm sure at some point all my harsh words and slaps upside the head (figuratively, not literally) will get through.

  10. Last year when we went away Firstborn had the AWESOME PARTY and did not clean up sufficiently well, also left all the doors and windows open (obviously to air the place) and then went out. Luckily we have nothing worth stealing.

    This time we left her in charge again (to show trust)(ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)and the place is the same as when we left it. This is suspiciously worrying. I find myself very nervous and I can't tell if the gin and vodka's been watered.

  11. You are all assuming this lad will, one day, have a wife.
    But what if no girl wants to live with a slob? I suppose he could come home to live and you could be like 'the odd couple.'
    Come to think of it...wasn't one of them a sports writer?

  12. Anonymous5:45 p.m.

    Boys eh! lol!


  13. Ziggi:

    Almost certainly the gin and vodka have been watered.

    The only way to test it is for you and Himself to drink copious amounts and see what happens.



    HA! Brilliant! Yes, Oscar was a sportswriter. But he was the messy one.

    In the little scenario you outline (gasp, NO!!!), I'd end up being Felix and my son would be the Oscar.

    Besides, he has a way with women, so he'll definitely have a wife. And by the time he gets to that stage, I'll have whipped him into shape.


    How come you're anonymous again? What happened to your little blog pic, etc.?

    Yes, boys, ya gotta love 'em (us).

  14. Think what my house was like after being in hospital for 8 days and leaving 4 sons at home to fend for themselves....... yep...... imagine the picture lol....

    Welcome home you........


  15. Toasty:

    I guess it's too late to ask for pictures of the mess, huh? Well then, how about pix of you and your surgery?

  16. If I go back to blobbing then 'those pics' will be me first post....... just aint up to it at the moment..... Ive been well a bit poorly...

    Ive missed blobbing around.... so had to have a flit about today..


  17. Toasty:

    Flit away...and be as well as you can be.

  18. HA! looks like my flat when damien's been alone for a few hours!!

  19. Well, I certainly do hope it was your son. Still, even DNA requires a new door lock sometimes :-/

    Can you tell I have raised children?


    I love Pamela's idea...repay with a visit but then I have decided that they might not notice...that is unless I cleaned the place up.

  20. Angel:

    EXACTLY. Yesterday, when I got home from work, he had left the TV on, the peanut butter jar open...




    Yeah, maybe a change of locks IS in order...I think Pamela's idea is a great one too!


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