The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

January 9, 2008

Cold Climate Car Calamities and Other Nerdy Newsbriefs

SO YOU WONDER WHY US ADVANCED INTERPLANETARY BEINGS FROM OTHER SOLAR SYSTEMS VIEW EARTH AND THE HUMAN RACE AS DOOMED TO EXTINCTION?

Here, in no particular order, are three random samples:

WINNIPEG -- A 52-year-old man, raised on the frigid Prairie landscape of Canada's Great White North, committed the ultimate winter stupidity on Tuesday and paid for it the next morning when he couldn't get into his own car.

Mr. Within Without, dubbed "Four Eyes" by his 19-year-old daughter, told police he "had a brain fart" when he decided to take advantage of unseasonably warm temperatures and wash his filthy car Tuesday evening.

Unfortunately for Mr. Without, the temperature --predictably -- dropped so much on a January night that when he tried to enter his car Wednesday morning to go to work, the locks to his car were frozen and he couldn't get in.

Witnesses say he spent the next 15 minutes using knives and other instruments trying to enter the car and appeared to be a thug breaking in, so they called the police. (OK, I'm just kidding, but bear with me; or bare with me)

Sirens blaring, the cops descended on the unsuspecting and frustrated would-be motorist, whose request that the police draw their guns and shoot him was rejected. After explaining the situation, the stand-off was resolved.

"D'oh!" said Mr. Without in an expression of pure intelligence. "I hate winter. It freezes my brain."
The police, scuttling their laughter, let Mr. Without off with a warning and passed him a copy of "How to Survive a Winterpeg Winter" by Homo Escapeons.
*****


*****

AN incident in which a Fijian soldier urinated on a Japanese woman on a plane has ended up doing "untold damage" to Fiji, the country's main daily says in a strongly worded editorial today.
It was commenting after the international carrier Air Pacific published its annual report saying its Fiji-Japan route was performing poorly.

The report made no mention of the incident in March last year when a drunk Fiji soldier on a flight from Japan exposed himself and then urinated on a Japanese woman in her seat. The incident made major headlines in Japan.

In its editorial today the Fiji Times said it was an "appalling incident" that was an urgent reminder to every person in that country.

"This unforgivable offence has caused untold damage in Japan a market which Fiji has strived for decades to cultivate," the newspaper said.

"All it takes is one moment of stupidity to paint a black picture of this nation and her people in a lucrative market. The incident has generated widespread, negative publicity at a time when we need it the least."

The newspaper said the whole country had to "share in the shame he has brought upon his uniform and to this country. Urinating on a tourist on an international flight is a high-profile incident which gains global notoriety.

"It is a brief moment which brings unwanted exposure (eds note: HA HA HA!) and deprives the economy of millions of dollars in revenue."


*****


Kuala Lumpur -- A Vietnamese tourist got more than he bargained for when he patted the buttock of a policewoman on New Year's Day.

Vu Minh Vinh, 44, committed the offence while the 27-year-old police officer was standing in front of an outlet at KLCC in Jalan Ampang at 10pm on Jan 1.

The officer scolded him, showed her identification papers and arrested him.

Vu, of Ngan Son Hai Duong City, admitted to the molest charge at a magistrate’s court here yesterday. The court set Feb 13 for sentencing. No bail was offered.

20 comments:

  1. Well, I must say you are only the second person that I know of that washed his car in the winter and then saw the humor in it freezing up and not peritting you access. Perhaps next time you will see that your car has feelings and that unless you want to jump in a lake naked as a jay bird first, you won't bathe your car when it is cold outside....smiles.


    Sillyman!

    T

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  2. haha that photo was funny WW!

    Did ur car get a hard-on? LOL!

    Keshi.

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  3. IOHOOH (aka Tara):

    Was the first person Homo Escapeons?

    I was not seeing the humour at the time, but I did later and I am now.

    If I've got your geographical location correct, you can sympathize or empathize in Michigan, not far from the GWN.

    I have already done stupid things like jumping into a lake nekkid, in the middle of winter, so you'd think I'd know better.

    Call it a brain cramp. I can have those sometimes. Smiles back. And I love being called silly.

    Keshi:

    Yeah, well, whats you see is whats you get. I thought the pic worked well given the circumstance.

    You, of course, are suffering through sweltering heat, probably wearing light clothing we can only dream about (or, in another way, I can only dream about).

    But such is life. I guess my car DID get a hard-on. More than I can say for myself in this weather. :-)

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  4. lolz WW!

    Yes Im wearing a flimsy lil nite-gown rite now cos its so darn HOT. haha! But dun worry, u aint missing anything too sexy...I aint Mischa Barton for all u know :):)

    Keshi.

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  5. Did you try sticking your tongue to the lock?

    That might have melted it.

    Silly.

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  6. If this is true you are an idiot!
    You have an outlet for the block heater..you plug in your blowdryer..
    you place the blowdryer nozzle over the keyhole..
    you turn it on..
    Voila!

    I appreciate that the stream of your post erratically shifted and you ended up digressing to uncouth behaviour in far off lands.

    When you wash your car wipe the interior of the doorframe and take the airhose and blow it into the keyhole and locking mechanism. Keep a small bottle of lock de-icer in your coat..

    if worst comes to worst you can always drink it and put yourself out of your misery you big boob!

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  7. HE said, "big boob."

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  8. Keshi:

    What, trying to give me a heart attack so early in the morning? I have work to do!

    MJ:

    Yeah, I tried that. It didn't work. You should have seen me, though, using my Blue Bomber keychain thingie to break the fine sheet of ice all around my car door to eventually gain entry.

    Hey! You called me silly! :-)

    Hammyhead Equilibrium:

    I didn't need the hair dryer, you numbskull, because I was so adept at finding other solutions.

    I thought I made a brilliant segue into the other nerdy news of the world yesterday.

    And who do you think you are, the Michelin Man? Only nerds like you carry cellphones around their neck and lock de-icer in their coats.

    MJ:

    Yes, he did say big boob. However, it did not cause any big reactions on my part.

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  9. I did that once,not only creating an impenetrable vehicle but also building my own little ice skating rink surrounding it.

    While slipping and sliding around I attempted to heat up my key with a lighter so it would at least go into the lock.

    No joy.

    I'm sad that the police weren't called though. I could have used the help.

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  10. Something similar happened to me during my college years. A boyfriend and I got into a snowball fight and I ran to my car and opened the door to shield myself from his onslaught of snowballs. He just kept on throwing those suckers and the door frame and lock and whatnot got snow in/on them.

    I continued to have trouble unlocking that car door in the winter for many, many years later. I hope yours won't have the same problem because of this one lapse in judgement of yours.

    Oh, and I did some of the same things that HE and Pamela mentioned - hairdryer and lighter/matches. One night I didn't have matches and I ended up rubbing my key frantically to heat it up - looked like I was jerking off my key.

    I'm kinda relieved that I only need push a button now to unlock my car.

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  11. Pam:

    It would have been fun to see you slip-slidin' away. But wait: it never freezes out there I thought!

    HE:

    Numbnutz!

    Anna:

    Well that just serves you right then. Girls can never win snowball fights with boys. Why try?

    And this is the only lapse in judgment I've ever had in my entire life, so don't be cruel.

    Or I'll launch a snowball at you.

    When I enter the 21st century and actually buy a car with keyless entry, I'll blog about it.

    :-)

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  12. I can be ur nurse at the ER lol!

    Keshi.

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  13. Keshi in a Nurse Costume...





    where was I..Oh Yeah!
    I can just hear por wittle widdin widout wimpering..

    WW: Nurse Keshi it really hurts right here
    Keshi: Here?
    WW: No lower
    Keshi: Here?
    WW: a little bit lower
    Keshi: Oh Dear then I had better go get Doctor Romalotti. He is the only one trained to use the Electron Microscope.

    ((*cymbal crash))

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  14. Keshi:

    Yeah, right! Give me ANOTHER heart attack or a brain aneurysm (translation: exploding head).

    See HE's comment.

    Humungous Egghead:

    Ba-Da-BOOM!

    Arse. Cowboy wannabe.

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  15. oh no, dude thats funny!
    at least you'll know better than to do it again...?

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  16. Angel:

    I don't imagine you can really relate...can you? For example, have you ever seen snow?

    Ice outside your freezer?

    Yes, hopefully I will never again have such a brain freeze...at least this week. :-)

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  17. First: I'm a little drunk. That may explain the rest of this stuff. (I wrote all that first and then this last).

    Oh man, I look forward to cold like that... Canberra winters are not friendly. Actually they're a lot like Longwood East winters, where I grew up and haven't lived for about eight years. Well I remember going on winter holidays up north for the warmth, and then coming home to the freezing cold hill. Fun times, in my childhood. But I loved the summers and the springtimes up there, with mum's beautiful garden in full bloom and the sun shining and the whole 40 acre property at my disposal for my amusement... I miss being eight.

    Do you ever develop a feeling about somebody and wonder if it's reciprocated? I sometimes think of you as kind of like an uncle or something. And then I think, I'm just one of a hundred other bloggers and I'm quite sure you don't think of me as a niece! Then again, I don't really like any of my real uncles (except slightly two of them but even them I haven't spoken to in years and years) so maybe that's not such a compliment. Sometimes I think I'd like to meet Nicolas Cage and have a beer with him, he seems like good uncle material too. I'm short on decent family, my kids are going to have so many aunts and uncles who aren't really related at all. They'll be so confused. I remember when I was a kid asking my mum, "are John and Nola my aunt and uncle, or just family friends?" They're just friends, btw. I had no idea, we saw them just as much. More.

    Man, I've had such a shitty week. I just had to kind of drink a little and then blab. I'm sorry it had to be your blog I did it to! I cbf making a whole new blog post of my own.

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  18. Oh hi Stace, it's Uncle Chris here...aka Nicolas Cage. No, maybe not.

    What do they say? Bob's Yer Uncle.

    Of course I miss being 8. We all do. I must admit I never thought of you as a niece, but whatever floats your boat.

    I DO understand, I think, what you were saying, even if you were, as you said, a little drunk.

    You spent a lot of time on my blog last night, and I've seen your latest post, and will go and comment on it.

    I'm sorry you had such a shitty week but I'm glad you felt you could blab to me.

    Smile, girl. Things will change. You'll be in Canberra soon.

    Signed,

    Uncle Chris

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