The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

November 23, 2006

Woman's Brain vs. Man's Brain

BEING A FIRST-HAND EXPERT ON THE TOPIC, I HAVE PREVIOUSLY POSTED ABOUT THE FINE INTRICACIES OF THE MALE BRAIN AND ITS FUNCTIONS.

I believe you would be able to find that somewhere in the nether regions of my mind, or at least in the dregs of my long forgotten previous posts, but I don't know how to direct you there. You'll have to go look yourself if you want.

As a refresher, the working example for my ground-breaking theory rested on this diagram below:

Well now (and you will notice I have switched to pink), there is this fine scientific advancement, provided to me by a lovely woman in Ontario, to shed light on the far too complicated female brain.


In the original super-complex diagram depicting the actual documented workings inside the modern female brain, all those little blue dots above represented single thoughts.

And they were all moving around at once, from top to bottom, much like a gargantuan canning factory assembly line with pulleys and levers operating in perfect unison, processing one thought after the other.

(Or just by gravity?)

With my tiny male brain (above), however, I could not figure out how to show in this post the moving version of the diagram, as I could not find it on YouTube. So this will have to suffice.

(Editor's note: There is also a sign depicted in the moving version with the word "NO" flashing every two seconds or so. I don't know if this is the part of the female brain that deals with men's request for sex and the typical response).

At the top of the diagram (not shown) is a little intro that says something like this:

"Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved."

Or, put another way, women's brains are wondrous things, far superior to men's.

They can process thousands of thoughts simultaneously, including such crucial facets of life as which way toilet paper should be installed: is it better to roll it up or roll it down.

Thus, the blue balls that move so efficiently below.

(Second Eds note: I have some recollection of a blue balls phenomenon, but in a different light).

At the bottom of the diagram, this simple statement is made:

A man's brain requires only two balls.

It isn't immediately clear what this last statement means in the evolution of our respective genders. Further research is required.

37 comments:

  1. Hey Mr Blue Balls!
    According to WIKIPEDIA: Blue balls is a slang term for a temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.
    The main cause of blue balls is prolonged sexual stimulation of the erect penis, either by direct or indirect contact, that does not result in orgasm and ejaculation.

    If you don't believe me look it up @http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls
    Excellent analogy BB.

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  2. That's a fast rebirth and you came out with an expert (and most humorous/sarcastic)analysis : men and women are sooooooooooooo different. Every day new evidence is found how really different men and women think, perceive, even hear.

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  3. HE:

    Oh sure, Donnie, just lay it all out there in all its splendor for the entire world to see.

    You have spoiled my attempt to be purposely vague on the blue balls analogy, by which I was inviting all-knowing males to shudder, cry, writhe in painful memories or laugh.

    Or to see some puzzled female, their own blue balls momentarily transfixed in confusion, to ask for an explanation.

    Or, to those who are actually aware of Blue Balls of another sort, to offer their witty retorts.

    I am kind of impressed that Wikipedia has actually recognized our pain, however...

    Hildegarde:

    My quick rebirth parallels actual labour, I figure. My water broke, I started dilating and 48 hours later, this popped out.

    Childbirth is overrated (**Runs and hides behind closet doors**)

    But isn't it lovely, that men and women are sooooooooooo different?

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  4. Anonymous5:45 p.m.

    voww..thats some Analysis there!

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  5. White Forest:

    Hiya! Don't tell anyone else, but this is all in jest, right?

    Everyone knows that women's brains are far superior to men's...or at least we like to let them think so.

    JUST ANOTHER JOKE! (That last part...)

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  6. Im so glad that atleast one man on this massive Earth knows women r smarter than men LOL!

    Keshi.

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  7. I thought that said "Crotch SCRATCHING Area."

    Good to see you got your arse back in gear and posted something.

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  8. Finally, I am able to open this comment section. I tried three times yesterday. Like Hildegarde says, a quick rebirth. If I remember after my labor, I was exhausted. I doubt if I could have made a fancy post like this one. I just notice the colors - how feminine, so I assume there was some connection with your inner "wo-MAN". Such fascinating illustrations and I am moved to believe they resemble reality in some manner. Although what's with only two balls? Some men are so cocky they think they are full of it.

    By the way, as for balls, I have purple balls hanging in my office. People who come to visit ask me what they are and I reply, those are my purple balls. Sometimes it touches the head of taller men so I remind them to make sure their heads don't touch my balls.

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  9. "A man's brain requires only two balls"
    mwaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!!!!
    okay... ahem... um, am i the only one with this particular "picture" in my head?

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  10. Keshi:

    Did I say that?

    MJ:

    Yeah, well, that too...(all of a sudden, I'm gettin' itchy)

    Ces:

    I might just climb back into the womb now...

    Yes, my inner wo-man is a thriving entity, so how come I don't have breasts to play with?

    As for two balls, where's the need for more? I don't know if more could fit inside there.

    And you have not explained the significance of your two purple balls...

    Angel:

    And what picture would that be, pray tell?

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  11. I thought you had posted similar stuff before this.

    I might be wrong though.

    If I am wrong then blame it female brain. If not, you know whom to blame!

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  12. Gautami:

    Yes I had posted about the male brain and relating it to the female brain, but we modern men need to stay current.

    The exciting new clinical completely scientific and irrefutable new development is in the revelations about the massively complex female brain, as illustrated.

    That inside their brains all these little blue balls are rolling around in some sort of organized confusion that somehow keeps our species operating and existing, in spite of the simpleton male brain and its disorganized chaos.

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  13. Just saying a quick good bye for a month, it has been a pleasure dropping in and seeing your thoughts. I havnt had a chance to read this post. Thanks for the good wishes on my blog, stay safe and i will speak again on my return.

    Aidan

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  14. Anonymous5:08 p.m.

    They're not blue BALLS. They are smarties. That's why we need chocolate so often.

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  15. i'm speechless. i just can't participate in this discussion about balls and blue balls and now purple balls.

    and as for all those little blue-ball thoughts, the ones in my brain look more like catapillars, extending every which way trying to figure out complexities like how how the hell should we get out of iraq and what is ww up to these days.....

    :)

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  16. Aidan:

    What? A post about the male brain vs. the female brain, and you're about to get married...

    And you didn't read it?

    All the best Aidan. When HE and I next get together, we'll hoist a few to you and Stace and tell dirty jokes and laugh about how...oh, never mind.

    Cherrypie:

    Well that explains everything, then...only you would/could explain the complexities of the female brain in such simple, groundbreaking terms...

    KJ:

    The Iraq question is far less mind-boggling than the female brain and all those balls...

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  17. I noticed you have the song No Such Thing - are you implying that there's no such thing as the male brain, or is it just coincidence? OR are you implying that there's no such thing as the female brain?- in which case you're in big trouble, mister!! :).

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  18. And whatcha gonna do about it, Lee?

    No, girl, I'm just getting hooked on this John Mayer guy, I think he's incredible, I love his acoustic guitar and his toons...

    But now that you mention it, maybe women don't have real brains like us simple males, they have something else that's beyond describing...

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  19. I have his 3 CDs here. He was out here for our ARIAs (which I think stands for Australian Recording Industry Awards or some such thing)a few weeks ago to present an award and sang with Aussie Pete Murray and did a really nice job of it.I find some of his words impressive for a young guy. And while here on telly revealed a great sense of humour.

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  20. Wow, this journey was FUN!!!! I'm going to have to make Q read this post!!!! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take him to school.

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  21. Lee:

    I've just been downloading his stuff off of Limewire, but will go out and get some of his CDs.

    What? And you never gave me any brownie points for suggesting that women have something far more evolved than a simple brain?

    Ms. Val:

    Yes, I think Quinton could do with some schooling on the female brain. But his male brain will probably just shrug and turn off, same as mine...

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  22. Ah, no brownie points because in this very same post you suggested that childbirth is overrated -and that was,let's face it, a bit naughty :).

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  23. Lee:

    Ha! Can't get anything past you, can I?

    Although I point out the childbirth being overrated reference was in the comments section, not the original post.

    Still, I did say it, if only to see what kind of response I'd get.

    Having never borne a child, I can't of course speak to the pain or joy or whatever that's involved.

    However, I do note what I believe to be fact: that women who have had babies constantly remind us males of that fact when we gripe about our hangnails or other such excruciating physical pain.

    Like they're "holding something over" on us that we simply can't respond to in a competitive way.

    I think I'd better shut up now...

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  24. I have two words for you: "it hurts". No, make that four: "it hurts a lot". O.K. five words and that's all:"it hurts a real lot".

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  25. Anything I say in response to this particular thread will only incriminate me.

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  26. Wish to clarify that I was referring to birth and NOT balls ;).

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  27. Lee:

    Of course it hurts...so do hangnails and stubbing your toe.

    I'd like to see you gals try to handle getting hoofed in the knackers, the old kahunas.

    Now THAT hurts...

    Fronty:

    Yeah, thanks FE, thanks for leaving me here all by my lonesome to fend for myself.

    Custer comes to mind...

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  28. blue balls!? oh my spagetthi meatball monsters ass!

    I dunno whether im scared or just happy.

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  29. breakfast in the red barn: blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon & sausage, fresh fruit, 7 grain bread, strong coffee, good company.

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  30. Anonymous12:52 a.m.

    And all this time I thought that whole bb thing was something males made up to make us take pity on them. Huh. The things you learn here.

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  31. Don't rule it out as a scam, pamela. The wikipedia entry was probably written by a MAN!! ;) :). A man could have blue knackers, be kicked in them and stub every toe and it still wouldn't touch birth. Women win-yay!!!! But apparently gallstones are worse.So if a man has them he could get some sympathy,but that's the only reason-haha ).

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  32. Very funny ... and very englightening. Thank you oh wise one!

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  33. Well, Bette Midler once offered some insight on this matter:

    "Hitler had one big ball.

    Goering had two that were very small.

    Himmler's were sim'lar.

    And Goebbels had no balls at alllllll!"

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  34. Ghost Particle:

    I'll have mozzarella cheese and sprinkle of red hot chili peppers on that spaghetti meatball monster's ass, please.

    You should be afraid...very afraid.

    KJ:

    Thanks for the invite, but can I take a raincheck? I have to go back to the land of the living today.

    Pamela:

    We're not just another pretty face.

    Lee:

    I see your pain and raise you 20 screams of agony. I've heard about gallstones. Yech.

    Bibi:

    Now you know the true facts and can consider yourself enlightened...

    Fronty:

    Thanks for that engaging poem.

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  35. ww, a raincheck? after you invited yourself for breakfast?

    no! it and i are waiting for you in the red barn, even if it's a quick drop in. i want you to meet my dog and ces is walking around with her rabbit. and there may be a small loft available for you if you make a favorable impression at breakfast.

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    ReplyDelete
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