The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

November 20, 2006

SIGH...NO WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

THE 94TH GREY CUP IS NOW HISTORY, WITH THE B.C. LIONS DEFEATING THE MONTREAL ALOUETTES 24-15 AT WINNIPEG'S CANAD INNS STADIUM.

But the biggest unreported story of all, which I am today trying to peddle to Entertainment Tonight for thousands of dollars, is that Canadian singer Nelly Furtado did NOT have a wardrobe malfunction.

The Grey Cup is Canada's older, but not nearly as media-driven, overly glitzy professional football equivalent of America's Super Bowl. And you know what happened two years ago in Texas, right?

Let me remind you (vid can be found at http://www.ifilm.com/video/2533319):



In a crass, obviously staged stunt that they later tried to pass off as completely accidental, American superstar Janet Jackson suffered a "wardrobe malfunction."

This happened after Justin Timberflake reached over and yanked off some conveniently removable thingy just as their song ended, exposing her right breast.

Janet just stood there in a stupid pose, enough time for millions if not billions of viewers around the world to see her nipple, etc., before she feigned a look of horror and disgust and covered up.


The world, for the most part, either laughed in hysterics at what was later called a "wardrobe malfunction" or they gasped.

Not surprisingly, the talkshow hosts had a field day. Miss Piggy had fun with it, and even Janet and Justin dolls found their way onto the market.

Now Canada, as we all know, is not the United States, although we do make some pretty stupid attempts to mimic the great elephant south of us. But there are some things we simply WON'T DO.

And judging by Sunday's half-time Grey Cup performance in -6 C temperatures in an outdoor stadium, one of our best-known female performers decided that a wardrobe malfunction is one of those things we won't do.

There were about 45,000 people in the stands and millions -- including some 350,000 in the U.S. and overseas -- tuning in on TV. The opportunity was there for some northern exposure.

Nelly, who had leapt into stardom with a bubblegum song called "I'm Like a Bird," has altered her image and her latest global hits are songs called Promiscuous (playing with this post) and Maneater.

She sang both tunes at half-time but try as she might, she could really be neither promiscuous nor much of a maneater, given the weather and this get-up, which made her somewhat less than sultry...

We can't report this as fact, but our suspicion is that Nelly was likely doing the Canadian thing -- dressing in layers -- to ward off the cold.

It therefore stands to reason she had eight pairs of long underwear and at least three thermal shirts on. A wardrobe malfunction would have taken quite some time to accomplish.

11 comments:

  1. This is a great unreported story about a northern exposure that did not happen because of some cold (now I thought Canadians were thougher than that, LOL) ... and all for free :-) Thank you !

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  2. Anonymous2:44 PM

    No wardrobe malfunctions to report?

    So, is this a case of 'no news is good news'?

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  3. I had a wardrobe malfunction once. The handled came off the door.

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  4. Nelly Furtado does not need a wardrobe malfunction. She has good record sales.

    Okay I just made that up. I do not know who Nelly Furtado is and whether she is a good wardrobe malfunction candidate.

    So basically I just want to say hello.

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  5. Must say that Nelly looked decidely unsultry - could she actually fit ANY MORE clothes on her body??? But having said that, she still looks more attractive than janet jackson -what a wank that was -yes, it ran on the news here at the time as well- imagine giving air time to someone's boob :).

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  6. rd Stern always blames Janet and Justin for causing the begining of the end of free speech in the great big elephant south of u. The FCC really beefed up regulations on any "profanity" from that point on.

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  7. love it:)
    Hard to look look sexy in an over coat....

    45000 at the match? isn't a final...Day one of the test will usually attract 90,000, even games australians dont undersatnd start at 50,000...

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  8. Hildegarde:

    Oh, we're much tougher, H...but sitting outdoors for four hours or so can be a little tough on anyone, doncha think?

    Pam:

    No, none to report, I hate to say...usually, there's some wacko guy who manages somehow to come out of the stands and run naked all over the field, but that didn't happen this year.

    All in all, though, I would say that yes, no news is good news, but there's no harm trying to manufacture some in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way...

    Stace:

    I was kinda hoping for something a bit better than that...try to arrange something for the wedding, will you?

    Ces:

    How could you NOT know who Nelly Furtado is? Cmon girl. She does have good record sales.

    But I think you're right, she's not a good wardrobe malfunction candidate.

    Hello to you. How's Blogworld Road? I have contacted my real estate agent.

    Lee:

    Yes, decidedly unsultry indeed. Why would it be so surprising they'd give worldwide airtime to Janet's mammary? That was the whole point!

    Tammy:

    Welcome! I see you're a transplanted South African to New Yoke.

    The FCC did apparently go bananas over this, and I can see why. It was completely ratings-driven and intended to shock.

    Kind of old hat now, though. Yawn.

    Aidan:

    90,000 for...a cricket match? Aussie Rules? Rugby? Any or all?

    Our stadium only holds 29,500 regularly, they added extra temporary seating to bring it up to 45,000.

    Up here, during the summer everyone goes off to the lake so there just isn't the interest in shelling out so much cash to go see football (Canadian style).

    And what games don't Australians understand, besides ice hockey?

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  9. *** wardrobe malfunction would have taken quite some time to accomplish.

    ROFL ur spot on mate!

    Keshi.

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  10. Does this mean football season is officially over? Please say yes.

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  11. Nelly's 'furtados' would have shattered and tumbled off of her chest like ice cubes if they were exposed in our climate..they're 100% natural.
    However another famous Canadian, British Columbia's Pam Anderson of Baywatch fame, could have safely exposed one of her 'Rackies' because all of that silicone inside her 'amenititties' would act like anti-freeze.
    The Canadian Broadcorping Castration could have had 'enormous' ratings..DUH...they don't call it the Boob Tube 'fer nuthin'. Without a wardrobe malfunction people were stuck talking about the actual game..
    BOR-ING!

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