The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

October 20, 2006

Daughters and Fathers and (eek) Kissing on the Lips

I WONDER SOMETIMES NOW WHETHER MY 18-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER SEES ME AS THIS...


Instead of this.

All through the early years, my daughter hugged me and hung on to me and asked me to swing her around like a rag-doll on a wild airplane ride and throw her up in the air to do flips into the lake and, yes, she always kissed me on the lips.

When she was this old...

And this old...

And even this old.

But now that she's THIS old... She won't kiss me on the lips any more.

No, just like kissing my sisters, now she turns her cheek and lets me kiss her THERE. There's still hugs, there's still kidding around, there's still me tickling her all the time to get her going...but her lips appear to be off-limits.

So I just wonder what this is all about.

I ask her in a teasing way. She just rolls her eyes. "Oh, Dad!"

Have my lips turned to sandpaper?

No, at least not according to women I DO kiss on the lips.

Maybe there's a women's code or a time-sensitive DNA thingy that scientists or all the love experts haven't discovered yet that kicks in at age 16 or 18 (YOU CAN'T KISS YOUR DAD ON THE LIPS ANY MORE!)

More likely, I think it coincides with whenever girls or young women get involved with their first serious squeeze.

Women get most of their life-long impressions about males from their fathers, I think that's pretty much established and sensible. And women LOVE kissing and hugging. Men, not so much, or so I've been told.

So maybe it's all about fathers serving as that guinea pig, in a sense, for their daughters until they figure they've got it pretty much down pat and now they need to go practise on the real thing. Or maybe it's just their time to fly away to Venus, leaving us dads on Mars?

Me? I's just rollin' with the punches on this one and making jokes about it with her.

But I do ask my legion of female visitors for their thoughts on this. Do they remember, as hot teen babes focusing on snaring a man, leaving their poor dads in the dust as far as lip-kissing goes and when they felt it became unfashionable to do so, and why?

And for male readers, if you so choose: what are your thoughts, if any?

INFORMAL POLL FOLLOWUP: The nays have it, by far. Most women say they rarely did and now never do kiss their dads on the lips. I'll never hear the end of it from my daughter...


38 comments:

  1. Interesting -- I'm curious to hear what women who had relationships with their fathers will say.

    That photo of you and your daughter as a baby is adorable -- both of you!

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  2. I'd kiss anybody on the lips but I probably wouldn't use tongues with my dad.

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  3. Andrea:

    Thanks.

    Cherrypie:

    Hey, I'm telling my daughter you said that. She'll hurl at the mere thought of it...

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  4. With the utmost respect, your daughter is adorable, could probably make a joke about defying genetics.

    Kissing on the lips is a sign of an intimate (physical) relationship, equating your parents and sex is never a good thing.

    I am so glad my parnets have never had sex...

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  5. Aidan:

    Doh! I think you just DID make a joke, and a great one at that!

    Point taken, of course.

    The fun I'm pokin' at it I guess is that BEFORE they become interested in physical intimacy with a REAL male, it's all about dad, dad, dad.

    Once they discover the opposite sex outside the home, though, it's see ya later, AND your lips.

    I hope you and I are bloggin' long enough together so I can read your posts about being a dad to a daughter...

    Great last line there, mate. Parents don't have sex...do they?

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  6. I've never kissed any of my relatives (parents and grandparents included) on the lips. Is that odd? Do all children kiss their parents on the lips?

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  7. Anna:

    Oh-oh...now I'm starting to become worried. Do I come from a long line of incestuousness?

    I was always kissed (and always kiss) on the lips, right from the first I can remember as a kid.

    I hate to admit to this feeling because maybe it's wrong, but because I was brought up that way, if someone turns their cheek to me when I go to give them a kiss, I feel odd and almost like did I do something wrong here?

    Argh.

    I guess we all do things a different way, huh?

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  8. I am laughing out loud at the kissing in the lips. I would have never never never dared kissed my late Father in the lips, even though I constantly hugged and kissed him on his cheeks. My sisters and I (all six of us) never kissed our Father on the lips once we passed a certain age. I can't remember when but no one complained. I would never kiss a man except my husband in the lips. If some man stole a peck on my lips, I'd kick his crotch! Seriously.

    You are a very cute father.

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  9. Oh, I forgot, I came to check on your health. I hope you feel better. I'm a nurse, you know. :-)
    I got distracted with the lip kissing business.

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  10. Ces:

    Thanks for comin' back, I'm feeling considerably better...but you probably want to stick a needle in my butt now, I bet.

    Thanks for the warning re if I tried to kiss you on the lips (in total innocence, of course).

    I like to walk from any meeting with all parts of my crotch still intact.

    You have FIVE sisters? Your poor dad (just kiddin')...I wonder how old you were when you stopped kissing dad on the lips.

    I'm not complainin' about daughter dearest, just wonderin' and snickerin'.

    :)

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  11. I have taken a vow of celebacy like my father before me... I cant wait to be a dad, If i have a daughter i am greating all her potenial suitors at the door with a golf club. a friendly reminder.

    Still got a lot more to do before taking that plunge though, need to live a bit more to be the best possible dad. I want to be able, to add more info to any plaque in a museum, or working knowlege of everything in the cosmos... it is going to be great. just not yet

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  12. You'll be a great dad, Aidan, but one piece of advice: golf clubs don't work.

    I had a pitch fork at the ready, and when they came up the front steps, I gave them two choices on how to be finished off if they hurt her: my snowblower or my lawnmower.

    I agree though Aidan, you need to save the world a few times sleep on the couch once or twice before the kids come along.

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  13. I think that it depends on your family dynamics, my daughters still give me a peck on the old smacker and a hug because I insist on it and it is not an option.
    They both have BFs but I am their Dad and I will always love them more than anyone else on the planet.
    I agree with Aidan that most of your genes must have died en route because she is so gorgeous.
    But unlike Aidan I am afraid my parents did have sex because I walked in on them when I was a kid.
    Somethings never leave you...aside from my eyes popping out when I discovered that my Mom was a 'real woman' I remember my Dad laughing as told her that I was standing at the doorway with my jaw on the floor.
    Aidan, when the time comes get a small hook for the door.

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  14. okay, what a sweet post.
    I say, its a sign of a pretty neat relationship if you and your (gorgeous) gally are still hugging, kissing, teasing. Girls, whether they know it or not, always look for the boy who their dad taught them about.
    sounds like you've been a great teacher.

    I have NEVER kissed my papa on the lips, although in recent years, I have begun to kiss his weathered cheek.

    And he too, is pure and virgin-ous.

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  15. I would never kiss my father on the lips although I do remember doing so as a small child, one on each cheek and one in the middle before bed. I've just asked my daughter (15) if she kisses her dad on the lips and she says no - but it's not something she thought about, it just seemed inappropriate - lip kissing is for boys apparently!

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  16. HE:

    Well according to my unscientific poll, you are in the minority by far and I am out in left field as far as even contemplating a kiss on the lips.

    Yeah, my genes might have taken a day off that day she was conceived, although she did get that space between the teeth and I have the dental braces bill to prove it.

    I also walked in on my parents when they were "otherwise engaged."

    I'm telling Carol you told me. It's just something else I can tease her about...

    Joyce:

    Thanks. I guess my weathered (maybe not quite withered yet) cheek will have to do, then...

    Ziggi:

    I think you and your daughter make near unanimous: daughters kissing dads on the lips is verboten worldwide!

    I'll have to get my little M to read this so she can gloat a bit while I slink into the corner...

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  17. sorry dude- can't help you there- i never went through a phase like that, and if i remember correctly, neither did my sisters...
    maybe its a tv thing?
    we blame tv for everything else... why not this too!?!
    had to giggle at cherrypie though...

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  18. Angel:

    Sigh...I'm resigned to the reality of it all by now. Oh, the horror! Nah, I can still get hugs.

    Cherrypie: Yeah, she's a live one...

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  19. Angel:

    Sigh...I'm resigned to the reality of it all now. Women can be so cruel...

    Cherrypie is a live one, isn't she?

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  20. I always say goodbye to Dad with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, eventhough we'e not particularly close. I think a couple of times it has been on the mouth - but it must have been by accident! :). Will have to take more notice of it next time and see what the dynamic is and make it even more awkward than it is already :). And -yes, I was very naughty not to notice that you had Leo on your blog - I know you mentioned it here and over yonder, but I must have been off with the fairies and missed it. Put it on another time , please? Come on, you can do it ;).

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  21. What a beautiful daughter you have!

    Kissing on the lips is an interesting thing. I don't kiss my dad on the lips, I don't recall ever having done so. I'm sure I did as a small child though. Now we kiss on the cheek.

    Lovely post WW.

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  22. Lee:

    Yes, very naughty of you not to listen to Leo. I'll bring him back maybe sometime this week.

    What? Girls in Oz don't even kiss their dads on the lips? What is the world coming to?

    Pam:

    Thanks, and my daughter would kill me if she said this, but she had a bit too much to drink last night so wasn't too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this ayem.

    So Andrea, Cherrypie, Anna, Ces, Joyce, Ziggi, Angel, Lee, Pam and the only two males to venture into this issue, Aidan and Homo Escapeons, it's near unanimous (except for CP, who says she will kiss anybody on the lips):

    Most women do not kiss their dads on the lips, except maybe for when they were wee little goils.

    What this says about me and my extended family I'm not sure, but I'll go with the flow, I guess...

    :-)

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  23. it's not fair! i've been on vacation so i didn;t get to weigh in.

    i stopped kissing both my father and mother on the lips right around teenagehood.

    but fast forward to today. i will kiss anyone i either like or is attractive on the lips, including you, cherrypie and ces. matter of fact, i'm more than willing.

    ps you're a good guy, a good father, and i have to know if you are heterosexual and available. i have my reasons....

    :)

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  24. KJ:

    What? You didn't check into my blog at Internet cafe while you were Rock Lobstering in Europe?

    Now that's more like it...YES, you kiss someone you're fond of ON THE LIPS!!!

    But it's too late. My poll, with an accuracy rate I figure within 3.5 per cent, 19 times out of 20, is agin us.

    I am hetero and heretical. And, while I'm trying to lay low on the romance thing for a bit, available.

    But you can't just leave it at that, can you???

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  25. I used to kiss my dad on the lips, I also used to smack on the behind (jokingly, of course). Those days are gone... one grows up and is taught my society that certain kinds of physical contact are "special" and reserved for a very specific type of relationship. At a certain point it just becomes "wrong" and "weird" so you stop.

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  26. an insightful man, you are, ww.

    for the price of an airline ticket, seize the day, i say.....

    (silence me if you must. then i'll keep my fiddlins'to myself)

    :)

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  27. Stace:

    You're just far too sensible. Your wisdom and insight are correct. Of course.

    KJ:

    Hmmmmmmm......

    Insight and jumping on a plane to seize the moment aren't two things that necessarily go together.

    Ya think?

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  28. Hey! Hey! Hey! What's with KJ and the kissing on the lips? I am on duty. I came here to check on a patient! KJ you reserve that type of behavior in the medication room!

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  29. I guess I'm late to the survey, thanks to the virus that was preventing me from commenting on your blog. In our Cuban society, parents and kids do not kiss on the lips. It just depends on the culture and the family. Nothing wrong with either. And then on the other hand, some people are just kissier than others. Doesn't mean they don't love you a lot!

    Your princess is becoming a young lady, WW. That is all. She's beautiful.

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  30. Ces:

    No offence, Ces (rhymes with peace as in Cec?), but I was kinda thinkin' a single female nurse at the time who would give me a massage or somethin'.

    But thanks for the on-duty visit. All my muscles, what few I have left, are no longer in pain.

    My BP is back to normal, my hemoglobin count is off the charts and I's back.

    I agree KJ should be admonished. Doesn't take much for her to kiss and tell. I think she's trying to set me up with somebody...

    Carmenzta:

    I'm glad you could get around whatever virus problem that was to visit my post about my own virus.

    I have now totally accepted that I will never again kiss my daughter on her lips, just because.

    My girl M IS a beauty, but she's so smart it's scary. She sloughs off my teasing like I was a mosquito, so I have to resort to tickling her...

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  31. Insight and jumping on a plane to seize the moment aren't two things that necessarily go together.

    ww, no nitpicking allowed. if you have to, buy the plane ticket slowly...

    ces,i am hiding in the medication room ready to pounce out and kiss you on the lips, but i understand i may not walk out as gingerly as i walked in....

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  32. To kj - You're not a man. I won't kick you in the crotch. I kiss women on their lips a lot, but as Cherry Pie said, no tongue. It's better that way, I don't have to wipe off lipstick on my cheek. I kiss someone on the neck today and she did not mind - she was married too!

    WW do you want to be set up? By the way, a man with sexy legs like yours, do you need help?

    BTW, I may have to refrain from visiting here...I always have to go to confession after I leave a comment on your blog!

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  33. Ces (KJ)

    So lessee if I can figure this out.

    Ces is not going to kick KJ in her non-existent crotch, but she kisses a lot of women on the lips.

    (This is not in a sexual context, obviously).

    But like Cherrypie, no tongues.

    I didn't get the reference to lipstick, but what the hey...

    Ces, I never asked to be set up, this mysterious effort seems to have been KJ's idea.

    She still has not confirmed with me who she's talking about or whether this woman has any such designs herself...

    She appears just to want me to hop on a plane around the world and knock on this woman's door and...

    "Hello, I was sent here by KJ..."

    No, legs or whatever notwithstanding, I appear not to need any help at the moment.

    Although every woman is a new opportunity of wonder and intrigue, and other things.

    I don't turn down such opportunities lightly. Each is treated with respect.

    Why must you go to confession? You have not sworn or otherwise sinned, near as I can tell.

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  34. this is now the longest string of comments i have ever seen. it takes me ten minutes to read them all.

    no tongues. and no hotel rooms. that's a great way to stay out of trouble...

    ww, i am nudging you along but only from within yourself. if the proverbial shoe is not obvious and/or does not fit, i can only say , oh well...!

    this particular post has been quite fun. where is cherrypie? she probably doesn't know we've gone on and on.

    :)

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  35. I suppose you don't wear lipstick! When a woman with lipstick kisses you on the cheek you get a lipstick mark. Well. I don't like that. That is why women do not really kiss on the cheeks using their lips, the do a cheek to cheek kiss and groan "Moi!" When two women wearing lipstick kiss each other, the lipstick mark won't be so obvious. HOWEVER, when I feel like a day is a kissing day, I wear my Hollywood lipstick, the one that does not smear. It's like paint, really cool but my lips get sore when I wipe off the lipstick.

    Why go to confession? I think the priest would like to hear how I participated in a kissing discussion and had visions...He will probably punish me.

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  36. KJ:

    Don't know if CP long ago saw where this was headed and turned herself away at the prospect, laughed, or if she's completely unaware.

    Long-distance things can be treacherous, as I have in the not too distant past found out.

    And the blog world is not the real world, in that sense...it's not a mode for full discovery.

    Now if I happened to meet her or anyone else on the street and sparks flew, that's another thing.

    But to just fly over there based on what I know and she knows now, which is very little...

    Besides that, if she's got anything for anybody, it's for Homo Escapeons...

    Ces:

    There is something ultimately very sensual about being kissed on the cheek by a woman with freshly applied lipstick...

    Thanks for the lesson on lipstick. I don't think The Big Guy or Gal would be punishing you, unless the "visions" went too far beyond kissing...

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  37. I grew up with 4 males( my dad and my three brothers). I hugged them but as far as kissing goes I never kissed any of them on the lips. I never thought much about it either.

    Your daughter looks great!

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  38. Gautami:

    Yeah, I'm really in the minority on this one, as you can see from all the comments.

    I'll just wander off now, never to be heard from again...

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