The Family (Or most of them)

The Family (Or most of them)
The Family

September 7, 2006

RELIGION AT ITS FINEST (subtitled: HORSEPLAY)

HOW DID I GET HERE? I HAVEN'T A CLUE. I THINK I WAS LOOKING, IN A FUN WAY, FOR SOMETHING ON ORAL SEX TO REBUT MJ'S LATEST EFFORT ON HOW IT'S BAD FOR ONE'S HEALTH.

AND I STUMBLED UPON THIS.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? I DON'T KNOW. BUT IN THE INTERESTS OF INFORMING BLOGWORLD OF EVEN THE MOST ABSURD OF BEHAVIOURS, I BRING YOU THIS...

FROM THIS GROUP...

BLECHHHH.....





Bestiality Bust

Miniature Horses Lure Men Into Local Barn For Oral Sex!

Freehold, Iowa - The expression "miniature horse lovers" took on a unseemly connotation in the paddocks and barns of rural Iowa this past week.

An SUV cavalcade sin-posse of fifty deputized Deacons armed with shotguns swarmed the old Walker Farm last Tuesday.

Their mission: to bust up a nightly orgy involving several prominent, local businessmen and the shameless miniature horses that had lured them to their barns.

These tiny, galloping strumpets had enticed Christian men to the farm solely to engage in ravenous fellatio in exchange for little more than hay, apples and hand-tooled Italian leather saddles.

The raid brought to a close these lewd equine's barnyard bacchanalia sex-derby, a depraved gathering that has apparently been going on for nearly a year.

"We arrested several Gold Level tithers and their menservants who were holed up in Ed's barn with human fluffers waiting to have unnatural relations with those shameless miniature horses," reported Deacon Will Cummings.

"Apparently these hip-height harlots had gotten Ed to use the internet to advertise their lewd business, a so-called "horse house," and he had folks flying in from London and Berlin for a roll in the hay."

As with all sins, this one can be traced to folks who aren't American. Men having sexual relations with horse-like creatures was legitimized in Britain by the recent marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowels.

I NEED TO STOP IT THERE. OTHER THAN THE DESCRIPTION OF WHO THESE RELIGIOUS WACKOS ARE BELOW, I CAN ONLY ASK: HOW CAN OUR SPECIES HAVE DEVOLVED INTO THIS?

Who We Are and What We (And God) Believe
As most churches liberalize themselves and reject the commandments written by God in the Holy Bible, the Landover Baptist Church continues to do exactly what scripture teaches every Christian to do.

And that is to keep the temple of the living God a clean vessel, untarnished by even a hint of fellowship with the unrighteous.

20 comments:

  1. Priceless! "Hip-height harlots and tiny, galloping strumpets" -- how can I use those??

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  2. Andrea:

    Which ever way you want, my dear...how about a series of paintings...

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  3. ok Im not so sure if I got it...did it say some men had sex with some horses? If so, arent horses only for riding? lol!

    **fellatio

    sounds like gelato :):)

    Keshi.

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  4. Keshi...

    Yes, that's what it said.

    But it also showed the idiocy of the religious lunatics who put a stop to it.

    BOTH activities are freakish and grotesque was my point.

    Uh, no...fellatio sounds like Horatio. Gelato is like the British say tomato. (isn't it?)

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  5. Let it be known that the "oral sex is bad for one's health" opinion is not mine. Far from it! In fact, I endorse a good carpet munching or BJ. Don't shoot the messenger. :)

    *farts on the Landover Baptists*

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  6. This is a joke right?
    How come you didn't use the
    "hurry up, you don't want to get the ugly one" joke in there somewhere.

    I think that you have been spoofed my friend.

    Everybody knows that 99 out of 100 college boys in IOWA still prefers to have interspecies sex with sheep or carp.

    Fluffers are the lucky gals who have to procure erections on the male porn stars and get them ready for the big 'love' scene.
    70s porn guitar;
    Wunka wunka wunkaah wunka wunka wah..

    My troubling question is if these pillars of society had human fluffers (real live human gals)in the green room, then why would they want to finish up with the wittle horsees? And don't give me that old 'a mouth is a mouth argument!

    Remember the song:
    "If you wanna ride,
    ride the wild pony"
    And what is up with the Camilla jokes? Sure if you met her in person you wouldn't know whether to kiss her or give her a lump of sugar..but hay! I mean hey! She WILL be the King's Consort one day so show a little respect you filthy little Colonist.


    OK..Ha Ha..
    I am not biting...
    nice try..
    you have been PUNKED!

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  7. MJ:

    You right, you absolved...

    Homo Sap:

    Google oral sex or Landover Baptists and check it out yourself.

    If I been punked, it wouldn't be the first time, but sure looked real to me, which was the most far-out thing of all.

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  8. Dude: Landover Baptist is a spoof site lampooning the religious right. On the other hand, you might want to google 'enumclaw horse farm' for a - god forgive me - story of a different color.......
    see ya on Infomaniac!

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  9. I thought you knew that Landover was a spoof and you were just funnin' us!

    *waves south of the border to First Nations*

    *farts on HE*

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  10. **Starts weeping sheepishly in terrible embarrassment at the fact everyone but him seems to know this site was a joke...**

    Thanks FN. Thanks MJ. Thanks HE. Thanks world. Thanks naivety. Glad, however, that SOMEBODY'S lampooning the Far Right.

    Now I'm going to go stand under a herd of wild stampeding pygmy horses.

    But before I do, yeah, farts on HE too...

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  11. Well, I think oral sex is bad for your dental health, especially when your teeth start getting loose! Ok, just thought I'd pop in to give a quick inane opinion. I didn't understand what exactly was happening in the barn there, WW, please explain? And I quite understand how some men would prefer animals for sex partners since they (the animals) don't talk back and don't whine for a diamond engagement ring.
    HE you made me Roll on the Floor Laughing.

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  12. Carm:

    Yeah, stuff can get stuck in your teeth. I haven't reached the point where I can just take mine out.

    Just make sure to floss, brush and gargle after, should be OK...

    Can't tell you EXACTLY what was goin' on in there in that make-believe (but I still figure this shit happens) barn, but don't think I'll be staying awake tonight wondering about it...

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  13. holy shit dude, thats just freaky!
    and what's even stranger- is that it's not the first bizarre "sex with horses" story i've seen this week!!!!
    no really...
    i was reading news of the weird and i stumbled across
    this!!! do you know the strange things happen in threes theory?

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  14. Angel:

    Argh. Covered himself in honey and oats...high-powered horses' tongues...

    Things happening in threes...

    I'd better stay away from Uncle Herman's Horses n' Hens For Hire Farm this weekend.

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  15. Any idea when this LZ concert was taped? Love this song. I actually saw them in concert! (Knebworth '79)

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  16. Sorry, Andrea, I DON'T know. I'm figurin late 70s, but I wasn't a CRAZY Zep fan in the day.

    You SAW them! Duh, I assume Knebworth's in England. True?

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  17. Thanks for keeping us updated about weird stuff. This is exactly what the doctor ordered...

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  18. Glad to be of assistance, Gautami. I'm the Warden of Weird. (Well, not really compared to some of the Wackos on here, but whatever...)

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  19. Wackos? Where?

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  20. MJ:

    Certainly wouldn't be YOU!!!

    Or, only with the greatest of affection might I POSSIBLY been referring to the Infomaniac...

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