FRIDGE FOLLIES IN BLOGVILLE

OK, I'VE TAKEN THE CHALLENGE.

AND I'M HOLDING NONE OF THE EVIDENCE BACK.

Andrea latched on to some fridge meme or something or other and told us about it, baring her kitchen germ magnet for all to see (of course, it was spotless, but appearances aren't everything).

Then Cherry Pie followed...and there was booze galore in her fine, clean appliance. This was becoming a female fridge frenzy, and it needed some male intervention.

So here I am.

Keep in mind I am single and have two teenage kids who visit at least every second weekend but who show up more often than that.

And that Homo Escapeons visits once a week and makes more of a mess than the two of them and me combined. Plus, I live in an apartment...this ugly thing is what I'm stuck with.

So I open my home -- and my fridge door -- to the world, with chest-pounding male pride.

Note above that I even opened up the -- yech -- vegetable and fruit drawers. I'm not sure what's in there, but you don't want a closeup view. Here, for your inspection and likely gasps, is another...

And just for good measure and in the interests of honesty, I give you these following closeups.

On the left (and I moved something over to reveal this in the interests of disclosure) is a stain that some woman would have spotted anyway, underneath the Pepsi carton.

On the right, well, now that IS truly gross. You probably can't make it out very well but it's dried something-or-other hanging from the little wire thingies on the shelf. My guess is dried milk but I can't exactly be sure. Any theories?

A woman with a great sense of humor (who loved my domestic hygiene and supportiveness but gave me the heave-ho anyway, silly girl) offered me as a birthday gift the book below.

It is now my bible but doesn't say a whole heck of a lot about cleaning fridges and stoves. And that's for my next post...my stove and, more specifically, my oven. I kinda like this meme thing, except now I have to go clean my fridge.

BOOKS THAT I HAVE LOVED...OR NOT

GAUTAMI TRIPATHY, who claims to be a fast runner, would have been like the turtle to the hare as soon as I read that she had tagged me for this book meme thing that's been going around.

I left her in the dust, actually, in Delhi (a beautiful, magical city, by the way).

I thank her for the honor, of course. But the fact is, despite the fact I write for a living, I do NOT actually read all that much and do not have the voracious appetite for books that might seem to be automatic.

Professionally, I actually find it's a GOOD thing I don't read so much. Because when I interview people, I'm not necessarily asking them things I already know about or have formed an opinion about from previous reading.

I have a curiosity and a lack of bias. And I find people appreciate and respect that and open up more as a result. Anyway, that's my rationale and I'm sticking to it.

Nonetheless, I HAVE read many books. And here is my response to the questions in the meme...

1. Name a book that's changed your life.


I'm not sure ANY book has really "changed my life" but if there is one, this is it. I first read it when I was up in northern Canada working at a fish plant, processing fish caught in South Indian Lake by aboriginals.

I had plenty of time in between shifts, waiting for the fish to be flown in on a float plane. Then we'd work for 12 hours straight. This book talks all about the predictable stages of our life cycle in a very human, feeling way. It was groundbreaking at the time (the late 70s/early 80s).

The timing probably had a lot to do with its impact on me. I had just returned from a landmark event of discovery in my life, a five-month overland bus trip from England to India and back, and I was starting to figure out what I wanted and who I was.

I read it twice that summer, so this book is also the answer to question No. 2, Name a book you've read more than once. Weirdly enough, I have also now started reading it again, before Gautami tagged me for this meme.

(Another strange twist is that Delhi, where Gautami lives, is one of the most incredible places I visited and got to know a bit on that trip, which was spent for the most part travelling throughout India).

3. Name one book you'd like to have on a desert island.

I don't give two hoots about all the goofy controversy over this work of art and Christianity's attempts to knock it off the block. I was gripped by it right from the get-go and would read it again in a heartbeat. I could not put it down.

4. Name a book that made you laugh.

I've since gotten a little tired with his style, but if you're in the mood and have the kind of sense of humor I do, you can't help but snicker all your way through this.

5. Name a book that made you cry.

And many others like it as my marriage broke up out of the blue several years ago, but in retrospect not really so out of the blue. I needed answers and perspective. I'm now divorced. I'm single, although happily that way now and enjoying being involved with other women.

Child support is a huge financial burden and I don't see my kids on a daily basis. I'm a part-time dad. Enough said.

6. Name a book you wish had been written.

This book probably HAS been written, but I just haven't stumbled upon it:

DIGGING TOO DEEP

Why people complicate their lives by planting their seeds so far underground they'll never germinate and give them the growth or answers they're thirsting for

7. Name a book you wish had never been written (you might want to go on to No. 8 if you are a devoutly religious person).

My intent is not to offend. But this is my honest response, and I was raised in a Catholic family and was an altar boy in a Roman Catholic church.

The Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Koran and any other volume that was written centuries ago that people in the year 2006 use as the basis for their religious faith is included in my list, although I can only truly speak about the Bible, which I have not read in its entirety.

And never would.

My problems with any religious texts are many. Who wrote them, how accurate are they, that was then this is now, the fear factor (believe THIS or you'll go to hell), the competition among the religions, how these words using "thou" and all can be germaine in the 21st Century.

But most of all, how they can strip every individual of their freedom and responsibility to make their own observations about what's true and false or right and wrong and act accordingly, rather than having it dictated to them by scripture of unproven origin or logic in today's world.

8. Name a book you're currently reading.

Actually, the reading material I find myself most with are things like National Geographic, Men's Health, Psychology Today and Time. But a book I'm currently re-reading is the following:

It's not a religion so much as a way of life that makes some sense to me. My dad amazed me a couple of years ago by actually having this book in his collection. He gave it to me. And I like the message.

9. Name a book you've been meaning to read.

I wonder what differences there are between Passages and Men's Passages. We'll find out.

A LIFE OF MIGRATION

Every morning now, I'm waking up to the honking, almost haunting call of the Canada Geese, one of our greatest symbols of beauty, artistry and grace.

They haven't left yet for southern climes on their annual migration, but they can feel the briskness in the air, see the leaves falling, sense the weather turning, brace for the winter approaching.

Doh! This isn't supposed to be Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

It's just pondering our own "migrations" and the things we see and experience during our own flights. Have a listen and look at the video "One Hundred Years" by Five for Fighting.

Here in Winterpeg, we don't have the luxury of flying to where it's warm all the time.

We're stuck here through four distinct seasons -- sunny summers of 35 C and brutal winters of six-foot-high snow and -35 C. Gorgeous, warm days and brutally cold ones.

No matter what your climate is like, we're stationary objects, for the most part; we can't migrate physically across the entire length or breadth of a continent every year.

Things change, they stay the same. We "migrate" from one relationship to another, from one situation to the next; over time, we're single then we're married then we might be divorced.

We can be content, then we can be restless and discontented. We can feel positive, then negative, be moving forward or taking steps back, we can feel happy vs. sad. Fulfilled/empty.

What's your migration route been like? A smooth flight, or bumpy? Straight between Point A and B, or all over the map? Full of discovery or devoid of new experiences?

Probably, like me, all of the above. But hey...remember we've got 100 years to get it right.

WE PRESENT...THE WORLD LEAGUE OF HUMOR

BY WORLDWIDE POPULAR VOTE,

HERE THEY ARE...

THE PLANET'S FUNNIEST PEOPLE, ALIVE OR DEAD, WHO WILL BE SUMMONED TO SAVE THE GALAXY'S MOST SCREWED UP CELESTIAL BODY

The top 15 are (as voted upon by people in England, Australia, the United States, Canada, at least, near as I can remember; note there's a huge tie at the end with two votes each):

1. The Monty Python crew (John Cleese 3 votes, Michael Palin 2, the whole gang itself, 4)

2. Jerry Seinfeld (3)

3. Peter Sellers (3)

4. Mike Meyers (3)

5. Woody Allen (3)

6. Mel Brooks (Fronty's Blazing Saddles included) (2)

7. Bill Maher (2)

8. Martin Short (2)

9. Stephen Colbert (2)

10. Bill Stewart (2)

11. George Carlin (2)

12. Stephen Fry (2)

13. Spike Milligan (2)

14. Stephen Wright (2)

15. The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker) (2)

Please enjoy these samples below of the kinds of minds that will be inaugurated on Jan. 1, 2007, to begin dealing with political and religious leaders to usher in the dawn of a new global era of co-operation.

And thank you for exercising your democratic right to save the world.