Cards Never Sent

OK, I admit it.

Just like some people go and stock up on chicken breasts, ground beef and other various and sundry grocery items at their local buy-in-bulk store, I buy greeting cards en masse.

There are, probably, several reasons for this.

I don't often go to buy cards.

But when I do -- whether it's for a woman I have a romantic interest in, for my kids, for my family, for a friend's anniversary -- I always search for the funny ones.

The ones that say as much about me and my sense of crooked humour as about them.

Rarely will I buy a mushy, serious card. Although sometimes I have to and when I realize I must, I do, and can do a more than adequate job at that.

It's just that while people I love and who love me know I am actually mushy and serious about my feelings for them, they also know I'm not likely to play that up...

Because I'm a tease at heart...and I like to have fun.

In some circumstances, though, fun isn't the No. 1 thing. So I often find myself buying a serious card, plus a funny card, then I'll find another funny card, then another serious card.

And I like them all. And all would be appropriate.

And then I get it in my tiny male brain: "Hey, I'll just buy them all so I don't have to do this again next year!"

So this is what ends up happening:

I present someone with two or three different cards, plus whatever gift or gifts I've bought for them, and I write in each card the message appropriate for that card.

But inevitably, I end up with left-over cards that I shove into my kitchen drawer or somewhere else...and then I promptly forget about them. For a long time.

And then I go out and buy more cards. And more cards.

This week, I found two of those cards that I bought quite a while ago, figuring to give them to different people in my life at that time.

Those people are no longer in my life, at least not in the same way.

So what do I do with these cards now?

And another...

So I guess I'm wondering:

Am I the only person on the planet who does this and who has reams of unsigned, ungiven cards sitting in some packed-away box or hiding underneath all my water utility bills in a far-flung drawer?

Cards intended for a love long gone, or a 16th birthday missed, or a 10th anniversary forgotten about, or a get well card that couldn't be sent because the person got well...or died?

And another issue is, should a card originally bought for someone else ever be presented to another person?

Finally, am I nuts?

The Bowman 2 Break from Boredom

SO...

After two of the modern world's greatest male minds meet and solve all the world's problems in about an hour or so, what do they do to further stimulate their existence?

THEY GO ON THE INTERNET AND PLAY THE LATEST MINDLESS BLOOD AND GORE GAME...

BOWMAN 2!!!

Let's face it.

Having all of the world's problems on four broad shoulders is a heavy load for anyone to have to carry, but someone's got to do it.

Both HE and I are hovering around 50. We need to re-energize.

And last Wednesday, after determining the fate of George W. Bush, pontificating on religion and resurrecting the UN (and watching back-to-back episodes of Deadwood in between), HE unveiled this discovery:

This is Bowman 2.

Note all the dead goose carcasses and the blood on the ground. In this solo version, the archer at the bottom tries to launch arrows as the geese fly above.

More often than not, you shoot the arrow up in the air and it comes right back down and hits you right between the eyes. Doh!

The more fun version is the two-player game, which of course I handily won.

Two stickmen archers, not in sight of each other on screen, take turns launching arrows back and forth trying to hit each other.

It took us about an hour to figure out the angles and the delivery and the range. Once we did, there were so many kersplats it was unbelievable. Blood just splashes out.

A bulls-eye results in huge gushes of blood spurting out from the heart and the game ends. And isn't that really what life's all about?

The lighting was poor but just look at HE's glee as he plays the game.

And we used to laugh and joke about our two sons playing Warcraft, Zelda or Final Fantasy on PlayStation or Nintendo.

Male maturity is truly amazing.

HE and I are not meeting this week, on account of the president's State of the Union address and also because I have to work nights.

But now we've found a diversion from all of our heavy mental lifting. And it is called Bowman 2.

What games, secretly, do you play?

All the President's (Wo)men?

DOES THE WORLD UNDERSTAND THE POSSIBILITIES?

It just occurred to me today...by 2008, there's every chance that the next leader of the world's greatest superpower is either going to be a woman or a black man.

Either would be firsts in the U.S. of A.

And I, for one, am ecstatic about the possibilities as perhaps the worst American president ever, George W., stumbles and bumbles his way as a lame duck through his final two years.

With the Democrats' upswing in the recent Congressional elections and Bush shooting himself in the foot yet again on Iraq, there seems little doubt that the Dems will win in 2008.

And the two most high-profile Democratic candidates and favourites have now declared: Hilary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama.

If the Republicans even run for president, Sen. John McCain seems to be the fave.

A.

B.
C.
Now many things could change between now and 2008.

If the U.S. suffers another major terrorist attack, for example, the Reflublicans, seen by most Americans as the party to go to war with, might gain strength.

But all things being equal, I believe most people inside and outside America believe a Democrat will win in 2008.

If it's Clinton, she'd be the first female president (she could exile Bill to Iran as ambassador).

If Obama wins, he'd be the first black person to live in the White House (ooh, can you imagine the jokes about that...).

Personally, I'm rejoicing at either prospect and I'm thinking that after Bush, Homer Simpson could win the presidency and do a better job than Dubya, so either of these two would be brilliant.

While I personally am rooting for Obama, it should be noted there are many other candidates out there. I've included some of them below.

As part of an informal Blogger poll, please indicate who you would vote for and why. You've heard of exit polls. These are entrance polls, two years in advance.

So Obama is A, Clinton is B and McCain is C.

The rest are labelled as follows. If you'd like another candidate to enter the race, please assign your own letter to them as you vote. Please note also that Dubya is not an option.

He will have somehow already managed to serve the maximum two terms.

THE "OTHER" CANDIDATES

D. A baboon baby

E. Marvin the Martian

F. An absurdly goofy blogger teasing his sister many moons ago

G. Pepe LePew

H. Osama Bin Laden

I. Homo Escapeons, president of the Burt Reynolds Centrefold ClubFINAL POLL UPDATE (12) AS OF 8 P.M. CST TUESDAY, JAN. 23:

**Homo Escapeons: 4 (Keshi, MJ, KJ, Taz)

Hillary Rodham Clinton: 4 (Brian, Anna, Ms. Val, Laurie)

Barack Obama: 3 (WW, Menchie, Dinahmow)

Baby Baboon: 3 (Aidan, Stace, Laura)

Marvin the Martian: 2 (Lee, Homo Escapeons)

Within Without: 2 (Awaiting, Ziggi)

Russ Feingold: 1 (Tidalgrrrl)

Pepe LePew: 1 (Andrea)

John McCain: 0

**Votes cast under anonymous by an unidentifiable blogger -- and most particularly by people with the initials HE -- have been and will be disqualified.

By Order of the President and executed by the U.S. Voting Commission

Movies that Move Me

I COULD NOT TEAR MYSELF AWAY FROM IT.

The movie Rudy, that is, on TV, a flick I've seen bits and parts of, which I have always heard about, which I thought would be just another soppy "underdog does good" cinematic effort.

I'm not a movie buff, really.

In this movie, Sean Astin stars as an undersized kid from Nowhereville who goes to the University of Notre Dame, whose dream is to play in a game for the Fighting Irish...and who doesn't stand a chance.

He gets mowed over by offensive linemen twice his size.

He keeps coming back for more in practice as part of the prep team, but he never gets to dress for a game...until the final contest in his senior year.

All of his teammates -- the guys who ridiculed him and teased him for three years for even trying -- get behind him and chant "Rudy! Rudy!" and the coach has no choice but to put him in.

And I just blubbered like a baby, watching him overcome all the odds to sack the quarterback on the final play -- and only starting play -- of his career and be carted off the field by his teammates.

This got me to thinking about other movies that have reduced me to tears in such a way, to the point of surprise at the flow of feelings and torrent of tears they caused.

Some of those movies are below. With most of them, the themes are the same: they always involve a guy I can associate with for one reason or another, who is faced with a monumental task...

And who fights through everything to overcome that challenge and get what he wants in the end, whether it's the girl or the personal satisfaction of having defeated the demon and lived to tell about it.

Or whatever.

What movies have "moved" you to the most tears?