Alphabet Soup

KJ tagged me on this alphabet meme. In a moment of weakness or insanity, I am complying. This has taken me far too long as it is but I basically went with the first word that popped into my head.

A is for ALL grown up, Almost. That could describe me, but I'm talking about my kids. My daughter's 18, my son's 15. I'm more amazed at my son now because he's growing like a weed physically and changing inside even faster.

B is for BLOGGING, of course. And that means getting to know the likes of you and being enriched and entertained by you and laughing with you and doing those little winky thingies.

C is for CHRIS, my first name. Never fully felt comfortable with it (Chris Piss!!!, the teasing would go as a kid). It was like being a Boy Named Sue. When I was calling bingos as a young man, I was nicknamed Basil. Not sure why...

D is for DEPRESSION, a condition that runs here and there through my family tree. It's the boogeyman of life for some and 15-20 per cent of the world's population suffers from it. They shouldn't have to endure society's fear and loathing of them any more than a person who has been stricken by cancer.

E is for EASY, which life sometimes isn't. There's always the temptation to ESCAPE. And you can't. So you might as well ENJOY.

F is for FLATULENCE, a subject I know KJ doesn't like and, therefore, the reason I chose it. My own personal record for longest fart of my lifetime is seven seconds, recorded and timed on an outdoor hockey rink at age 12 or so.

G is for GERRY, my youngest brother. We look a lot alike (poor guy!) and act a lot alike. We spent hundreds of hours playing hockey in our basement growing up and are good buds.

H is for HEART, something I'm coming back to (my own and the overall definition of what having heart is) more and more each day.

I is for I, as in me, and what I want to be.

J is for JALALABAD. Just because I've always loved the name and I've been there.

K is for KAREN, both the one who tagged me on this meme and another who I hurt and left behind.

L is for LOST, something we all have been at one time or another and a place I have been to more times than I would like.

M is for MONICA, my little wisp-of-a-thing daughter who has always been so responsible, so together, so committed to what she wanted to do.

N is for NANNY, my grandma who grew up with us and taught me a lot about how to love and laugh and cook, and who spoiled me rotten and loved it when I teased her to hone my skills for future teasing of females.

O is for ORDINARY, which thankfully I have always considered myself to be.

P is for PYTHON (MONTY), which still brings a laugh to this day. It's also for PAUL, the middle name of my oldest brother Doug, who calls me Kaboobie and once said to me: There is love in silence.

Q is for QUIET, which is what I mostly am, at least comparatively.

R is for REAL, another thing I strive to be.

S is for SISTERS, of which I have three: Lori, Lisa and Shauna. They have taught me many things about life from a feminine perspective. And man, did I tease them growing up...

T is for TAFFY, the golden lab we grew up with.

U is for US, as in me, myself and I. My kids are right there, of course, but not always physically.

V is for VESTIGES -- those last remnants of previous lifetimes -- and continuing to work on leaving them in the past where they belong.

W is for WITHIN WITHOUT, this strange pseudonym I started out with in an unknowing way back in May and which has, strangely, more or less proven to be fairly accurate. And rewarding.

X is for the X FACTOR...and I don't even know what mine is yet.

Y is for saying YES to the challenge to be open-minded about things I could never understand before but which I accept now.

Z is for 'ZIS is ze end.

Evan's Excellent Adventure ("I Love You", Part 2)

I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU WILL INDULGE ME AND MY EXPLODING PRIDE AND WONDER FOR ONE MORE DAY.

In the wake of Monday night's concert featuring Canadian singer Dallas Green of City and Colour, who's also the lead singer of the group Alexisonfire, I called my son Evan tonight.

I wanted to find out how it went (see previous post).

"Dad, I met Dallas Green!"


My 15-year-old son had watched the opening act, a young guy who has no recording contract, and the lights in Burton Cummings Theatre came on for a break before Dallas Green's performance.

Dallas Green -- the guy my son truly adores, is modelling his hairstyle after, who he wants to emulate as the lead vocalist for his own band Final Crisis (cringe), who he wants to play guitar like.

My son is with four of his friends, some of them fellow band members. He goes down to the lobby to pick up some popcorn for them all and sees the young guy who had just opened for Dallas Green.

He goes up to him and introduces himself and says how much he enjoyed his performance. He buys the guy's self-made CD.



Out of nowhere, Dallas Green walks up to them. My son is all aflutter, but introduces himself. Tells Green how much he adores his music. Tells him about their band.

They talk for three or four minutes, the three of them. Dallas Green says he has to go warm up for his performance. My son buys the popcorn, goes back up to the balcony and doesn't tell his friends.

"I thought they would feel really bad," he says. "I just told them I met the first guy. I told them all at school today."

Hmmm...some things in life are just Kodak Moments. This is one of them. For him and, secretly, for me.

"I LOVE YOU"

"I LOVE YOU."

Those were the words my 15-year-old son left me with when I dropped him off at his mom's place tonight.

Tonight -- after I bought him some new glasses that, as it turns out, will almost exactly mimic the glasses worn by his favourite rock star, Dallas Green of City and Colour, also the lead singer of Alexisonfire.

He's going to their concert (at the Burton Cummings Theatre...yes, that Burton Cummings, of the Guess Who) with about five of his friends. And I am not there. I am not a fly on the wall to watch him grow yet again.

His face has been attacked by acne. His hormones are going like hell. He's growing up faster than I can keep up with him. He's giving me the evil eye, the surly attitude at times, the "I know everything" thing.

I want to be inside his soul, I want my wisdom to protect him, my heart to shield his from it all. I want to be there to see him laugh, cry, to have his Doh! moments, to be there when his girlfriend dumps him.

I want to be inside his wide eyes tonight as he marvels at what someone with a guitar and a good voice can do. I want to be inside his nose to smell the dope that's being smoked, and to wonder, inquisitively, what that is.

I want to be his ear drums, to hear live what he listens to repeatedly on my computer as he plays his games on it, over and over. I want to be his feet, tapping to the music that he absolutely loves.

I want to be there in case he gets into some trouble, except he needs to learn how to handle that on his own. But most of all, I wish I was there just to witness the wonder that he'll be feeling.

I can't.

All I can do is remember those words from my 15-year-old son: I love you. Words I say to him and my daughter all the time. And words that I never tire of hearing back from them.

Every Day's a Special Day

I'M SO BEHIND THE TIMES AND SO UNAWARE OF LIFE'S DAILY CELEBRATIONS.

Here I was, just barely squeaking past the Christmas holidays and trying to return to sanity in a new year, and I've already seen Cuddle Up Day pass me by. How could I? Doesn't everyone need cuddles?

Bubble Bath Day is today (Monday, Jan. 8 -- didn't you KNOW?) and it appears, on Sunday night the 7th, that I'm destined to miss that too.

First, I don't have any bubble bath stuff. I mean, I have a bathtub, and I have soap, and I have hot water, but I have no "bubble bath" stuff, whatever you call it.

And I don't have the one ingredient that makes the whole point of having a bubblebath worthwhile -- I don't have anyone to have a bubble bath with.

Oh, the horror! Oh, the pain!

How do I know what I'm missing?

Because Computer-Generated Bob at 123Greetings told me.

He sends me an email once a week telling me about all the "special days" the greeting card industry has invented to get me to spend money for no good reason by buying cards, flowers, diamonds, mansions, whatever.

Now I'm all for celebrating life's special times and intimate moments.

Birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day -- they're landmark days that are important to celebrate, whether commercial interests invented them or not.

But read this email from Computer-Generated Bob. And tell me that you don't want to punch him in the nose or kick him in the gonads, if in fact he could have any.

Dear 123Greetings subscriber,
Hey there people ! A New Year, new events, new joys, but all that with your ol` friend Bob right here! So how `bout the celebrations ? I'm sure the wagon is still rollin`!

Me `n my gang are still in party gear. New Year does that to ya. The celebrations are never-ending ! And parties always translate into bingin` on goodies, big time ! So you can imagine, the time me and my gang are having.

We ain't called 'the foodie brigade' for nothing guys ! And with my best bud Kong to help us, there's hardly even a crumb left on the table once we have ploughed our way through it! So while I busy meself with some more non-stop bingin`, you go ahead and check out the events we have in store for ya -

Cuddle Up Day [ Jan 6 ]
Umm, spread your arms wide `n give your loved ones a tight squeeze ! It's January 6th and it's Cuddle Up Day. Time to let all your loved ones know how special they are to you. Hold `em close and let them know how much you care. Send warm and cozy e-cards to all your near and dear ones.

Bubble Bath Day [ Jan 8 ]
Pamper time folks ! January 8th is Bubble Bath Day. Get into the stress free fun mode. Soak yourself in a warm bubble bath and get into the stress bustin` zone ! Think of all the good times you've had with friends `n family, and send e-cards to let `em share in your refreshin` memories !

Dance Day [ Jan 9 ]
Whoa ! This sure is gonna rock you ! January 9th is Dance Day. The last time I remember I hit the dance floor was on New Year's eve, and I thought I was doin` pretty good, when suddenly I found my legs somehow twisted `n before I knew it – Wham ! I was spread-eagled on the dance floor ! While you pack in a good laugh at that, send some funky e-cards and dance your way to fun !

Make Your Dreams Come True Day [ Jan 10 ]
Wakey !!! It's January 10th – Make Your Dreams Come True Day. Follow your dreams. Get, set, go ! And inspire everyone around you to go soarin` too ! Pass around bagsful o` good wishes and fill every heart with the courage to turn dreams into reality by sendin` across some positive thoughts.

Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day [ Jan 11 ]
January 11th is Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day ! Boy ! Reminds me of the time we used to have in grade school, splashing each other ! And the best part o` d deal is that today ya can actually get away with it ! Have a hip-hop-happy day sendin` fun e-cards all the way.

Roller Skating Day [ Jan 12 ]
Come January 12th and glide into some fun – it's Roller Skating Day !Back in high school I really had some cooooool fun skatin` around. 'Ya, until you jammed right into the locker door buddy !' quipped Ron. Ouch ! That was a painful memory. Never mind guys, you go right ahead `n have some rollin` fun times sending our e-cards.

Well that's the end of a new journey guys ! Will be here again with my bag o` goodies all filled to the brim.

Till then,Keep Rocking !Bob.Editor 123GreetingsReceived this newsletter from a friend ? To get them directly in your mailbox click here.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.

By the end of this week, I will have accomplished all my dreams while dancing on rollerskates and splashing everyone I know by jumping in puddles that are non-existent in the Great White North.

And I will have prepared for these life-changing events by hopping in a bubble bath with a non-existent lover, to whom I will have had to email greeting cards celebrating all these activities.

If I end up in hospital due to a broken back from jumping on to a frozen puddle of water and trying to splash somebody, please don't bother sending me flowers.

Just find Bob and the rest of these greeting card weenies.

And drown them in the bubble bath.